It just so happens to be the birthday of the most important man in my life. Happy Birthday, daddy. I love you so much.
When you think about it, celebrating the birth of someone's life is amazing. Considering that our world's population is growing far too rapidly and diminishing far too slowly, I am still amazed how much joy one birth can bring to this world. Whether it's actually giving the birth, holding your significant other's hand while they push, or being the doctor/midwife/doula that can bring a child in to this world...birth is a wonderful thing.
And not just the birth, but the living. The learning to walk, talk, eat on your own. Then the growing, the running, learning to ride a bike. Then driving, singing with friends in the car, taking roadtrips. And right on up to college, graduation, and making a name for yourself in the world. Maybe your life didn't happen exactly like that. Maybe your life was interrupted with something else. Maybe you felt life pass by too quickly when you watched your mother suffer through colon cancer. Your father with dimensia. But you might have also gotten to see your wife's hair grey, your children grown healthy and happy, and your sister married to someone perfect for her, even if she was 40 years old at the time.
Life is something to be celebrated, remembered, and rejoiced. Life is something that amazes me every day. And while my daddy saw and did all of those things, I am so glad to know that I'll get to see him do much more in the years to come. Happy 60th birthday, daddy. I love you with all my heart, and thank you for giving me so much to look up to, look forward to, and to just look at.
Current song - You'll Be in My Heart - Phil Collins
Friday, August 10, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Stress, BEDA Days 7-9
Why yes, I am putting days together this month. I find it the only way to keep sane.
As the school year approaches [and my last semester of college] I have found that I am more stressed than I've ever been before. I find myself longing for two planners just to keep all of my dates straight, and I'm scared that 24 pencils and 12 pens that I bought are simply not going to be enough for all the notes and lists that I will be making over the next four months. I have also been given tons of work to begin and have had about 4 meetings with various theatre people for shows I will be working with.
And then I think about it. Why do I get so stressed out? Am I putting too much pressure on myself, or is it simply because I procrastinate too much? This semester is going to be different because I don't get a break. I will be in rehearsal, on my game, all semester. I don't have a moment to breathe, much less lose my cool. My title of stage manager requires keeping my head up, my chin down, and everyone, myself included, calm and happy throughout the rehearsal process. So I'm taking vitamins, I'm going on walks/runs to relieve stress, and for these last few days of summer, I'm getting away from Auburn to make certain that I don't lose my cool before classes start. I wouldn't have taken on this many responsibilities unless I knew I could handle it. Well, I might need a drink every night, but I really think that I can do this.
What does everyone else do to relieve stress? I don't have anything to punch, and I don't want to rant on here about nothing important, so I run.
Current song - Super Trooper - Mamma Mia! soundtrack
As the school year approaches [and my last semester of college] I have found that I am more stressed than I've ever been before. I find myself longing for two planners just to keep all of my dates straight, and I'm scared that 24 pencils and 12 pens that I bought are simply not going to be enough for all the notes and lists that I will be making over the next four months. I have also been given tons of work to begin and have had about 4 meetings with various theatre people for shows I will be working with.
And then I think about it. Why do I get so stressed out? Am I putting too much pressure on myself, or is it simply because I procrastinate too much? This semester is going to be different because I don't get a break. I will be in rehearsal, on my game, all semester. I don't have a moment to breathe, much less lose my cool. My title of stage manager requires keeping my head up, my chin down, and everyone, myself included, calm and happy throughout the rehearsal process. So I'm taking vitamins, I'm going on walks/runs to relieve stress, and for these last few days of summer, I'm getting away from Auburn to make certain that I don't lose my cool before classes start. I wouldn't have taken on this many responsibilities unless I knew I could handle it. Well, I might need a drink every night, but I really think that I can do this.
What does everyone else do to relieve stress? I don't have anything to punch, and I don't want to rant on here about nothing important, so I run.
Current song - Super Trooper - Mamma Mia! soundtrack
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Pain, BEDA Day 6
Today's theme hits home for me today. Actually, I'm sure all of these themes will hit home for me. I have been in pain for most of the day, starting with the announcement that I have early stages of pink eye, and finishing with back pain all day because of the air pressure of dreary weather.
Every time I am in pain whether it be a stubbed toe, or what feels like chronic back pain, I remember that there are much worse problems than mine. Some people in this world don't have water, some animal out there is being abused, some child is hungry right now with no meal in sight. Whatever it is, I remind myself that I whine and feel sorry for myself entirely too often. Now, I'm not going to lie, I'm not too hard on myself for whining when I literally can't get out of bed for an entire day. But what I'm saying is that it's not all about me. As much as I'm a 'princess' or bubbly type of person, I'm also heartfelt with everything that I do.
So this might be a short post, but just remember to smile for the things you do have, even when it doesn't feel like much.
Current song - Give Your Heart a Break - Demi Lovato
Every time I am in pain whether it be a stubbed toe, or what feels like chronic back pain, I remember that there are much worse problems than mine. Some people in this world don't have water, some animal out there is being abused, some child is hungry right now with no meal in sight. Whatever it is, I remind myself that I whine and feel sorry for myself entirely too often. Now, I'm not going to lie, I'm not too hard on myself for whining when I literally can't get out of bed for an entire day. But what I'm saying is that it's not all about me. As much as I'm a 'princess' or bubbly type of person, I'm also heartfelt with everything that I do.
So this might be a short post, but just remember to smile for the things you do have, even when it doesn't feel like much.
Current song - Give Your Heart a Break - Demi Lovato
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Family, BEDA Day 5
Never have I felt so attached to my family as I have today.
I feel sorry for the people that have awful home lives. They don't understand what it feels like to have a loving father, a mother who wants to give you the world, and siblings who pick on you but really love you deep down. I have all of that and I am completely grateful for it...although I wasn't this grateful until about the past year and a half.
I used to hate my mom. I remember my childish memories, thinking that mom knew nothing, that I was right, that nothing could make me feel better. Now, all I crave is my mommy's hug, the way she smiles at me when she's proud of something I've accomplished, and the feel of her braiding my hair when I'm sick and pitiful. My mom is the best thing I ever could have asked for, and I feel spoiled and lucky to have had such an amazing person to care for me all of my life.
Today was a day where I feel like I actually paid my mom back for a little bit of her love. She was disrespected and treated horribly, and I stood up for her. If anyone ever tries to mess with me or my family....oooo they had better watch out. I've always been a rebel from the family: believing things differently, being the 'crazy' kid of the bunch....but I've learned a lot. I might not be exactly who my parents hoped I would be, but I've made them proud. And now, when someone tries to threaten my mother, I will bring the smack down. You can't be rude to someone when they have done nothing rude to you. I just don't understand how someone MY AGE can talk to someone twice their age with such disrespect. Maybe it's the old-fashioned girl in me, but respect your effing elders. They've been through a lot.
So point blank: don't mess with my mom. I will not be nice.
Current song - Slipping Through My Fingers - Mamma Mia! movie soundtrack
I feel sorry for the people that have awful home lives. They don't understand what it feels like to have a loving father, a mother who wants to give you the world, and siblings who pick on you but really love you deep down. I have all of that and I am completely grateful for it...although I wasn't this grateful until about the past year and a half.
I used to hate my mom. I remember my childish memories, thinking that mom knew nothing, that I was right, that nothing could make me feel better. Now, all I crave is my mommy's hug, the way she smiles at me when she's proud of something I've accomplished, and the feel of her braiding my hair when I'm sick and pitiful. My mom is the best thing I ever could have asked for, and I feel spoiled and lucky to have had such an amazing person to care for me all of my life.
Today was a day where I feel like I actually paid my mom back for a little bit of her love. She was disrespected and treated horribly, and I stood up for her. If anyone ever tries to mess with me or my family....oooo they had better watch out. I've always been a rebel from the family: believing things differently, being the 'crazy' kid of the bunch....but I've learned a lot. I might not be exactly who my parents hoped I would be, but I've made them proud. And now, when someone tries to threaten my mother, I will bring the smack down. You can't be rude to someone when they have done nothing rude to you. I just don't understand how someone MY AGE can talk to someone twice their age with such disrespect. Maybe it's the old-fashioned girl in me, but respect your effing elders. They've been through a lot.
So point blank: don't mess with my mom. I will not be nice.
Current song - Slipping Through My Fingers - Mamma Mia! movie soundtrack
Revamp, BEDA Days 3 & 4
I'm combining these two days because the theme has been the same for me.
Have you ever felt the undeniable urge for change? I'm not a person who is afraid to change my life up every once in a while. In fact, I am one of those people who needs a change often. I am in the midst of completely re-doing the color scheme that I have obsessed over for the past four....no, make that...eight years of my life. My life used to be hot pink, black, and zebra print. Now...eight years later, I'm going for more of a grey and pale dusty blue environment. I want more muted and sophisticated. I know that my adventurous and rebellious self is dying to see hot pink, but I know that my head and my heart are ready for a change.
So I painted my room in my parents' house, I bought a new bed set and sheets, and made the accent pillows a more adult theme. I am very excited about this, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this post up, but I really am ready for this change. I'm ready for people to see Kelly, not just a crazy excited girl that wants to make people like her all the time. I'm looking at making myself happy before I make others happy. A little selfish, but a lot well-deserved.
Sorry if this post doesn't make any sense. It does now...while I'm writing it. But it might not later. Comment if you actually understand!
Current song - Waterloo - Mamma Mia! movie soundtrack
Have you ever felt the undeniable urge for change? I'm not a person who is afraid to change my life up every once in a while. In fact, I am one of those people who needs a change often. I am in the midst of completely re-doing the color scheme that I have obsessed over for the past four....no, make that...eight years of my life. My life used to be hot pink, black, and zebra print. Now...eight years later, I'm going for more of a grey and pale dusty blue environment. I want more muted and sophisticated. I know that my adventurous and rebellious self is dying to see hot pink, but I know that my head and my heart are ready for a change.
So I painted my room in my parents' house, I bought a new bed set and sheets, and made the accent pillows a more adult theme. I am very excited about this, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this post up, but I really am ready for this change. I'm ready for people to see Kelly, not just a crazy excited girl that wants to make people like her all the time. I'm looking at making myself happy before I make others happy. A little selfish, but a lot well-deserved.
Sorry if this post doesn't make any sense. It does now...while I'm writing it. But it might not later. Comment if you actually understand!
Current song - Waterloo - Mamma Mia! movie soundtrack
Friday, August 3, 2012
Responsibility, BEDA Day 2
Yesterday was full of taking the dog for a walk, [check out my VEDA/FEDA videos all month on my YouTube channel] getting paint to paint my room, and spending the rest of the day at the theatre working on stage management [SM] preliminary work for the year. All of these tedious and fun tasks got me thinking about how many responsibilities I place upon myself every day, and how so many people add responsibility to their lives all the time.
I chose to start walking my sister's dog because I felt that not only did I need a fitness routine, but that the puppy needed to lose some 'puppy fat' that she had gained while I'd been away. One routine added: 6:30am walks.
I begged my mom to let me paint my bedroom because I hated the color and I wanted to make a lasting change at our house that she could work with. Another responsibility on my plate: painting a room on my own.
Stage management in general is one of the most grueling processes I've ever been through in my life. Add on the pressure of me wanting to be perfect, and you've got a recipe for disaster. Taylor and I worked on paperwork, SM kits, bulletin boards, and putting together a new handbook for all SMs. It doesn't sound hard, and it isn't, but add that to the list of hundreds of other things I need to get done for each show, and try the addition of about 100 more responsibilities: stage managing.
It seems that responsibility finds me, asks me to do all of this work. Maybe it was because I was so self-centered in middle school and high school, and now karma is paying me back. Maybe it's because I am gaining more of my mother's work ethic, and I am getting annoyed when things aren't getting done properly. Maybe it's because I'm about to graduate and I want to busy myself so I don't have to think about the future. Or maybe it's because I feel like I have to prove something to the world.
Does everyone feel like this? I think so. We wouldn't have volunteers out in the world helping the world become a better place if that wasn't so. But I'm not even going to mention the slackers. Maybe that can be another day's theme. I know that they exist, and maybe another reason I place so much responsibility on myself is because I don't want to be like the idiots that lie around doing nothing, caring about nothing, and thinking of nothing but themselves. I want to leave a lasting legacy in this world and I want the people I've met to remember that I was someone they could depend on.
So these 'themes' for BEDA might be very self-reflective, or maybe they'll have a global perspective. I'm not sure yet, but I hope whoever reads this like it. Now, time to paint!
Current song - rockmyrun mix again. Pump Your Fist in the Air
YouTube: www.youtube.com/spiritofatree
twitter: @kellybronwync
website: www.kellybronwyncochran.com
I chose to start walking my sister's dog because I felt that not only did I need a fitness routine, but that the puppy needed to lose some 'puppy fat' that she had gained while I'd been away. One routine added: 6:30am walks.
I begged my mom to let me paint my bedroom because I hated the color and I wanted to make a lasting change at our house that she could work with. Another responsibility on my plate: painting a room on my own.
Stage management in general is one of the most grueling processes I've ever been through in my life. Add on the pressure of me wanting to be perfect, and you've got a recipe for disaster. Taylor and I worked on paperwork, SM kits, bulletin boards, and putting together a new handbook for all SMs. It doesn't sound hard, and it isn't, but add that to the list of hundreds of other things I need to get done for each show, and try the addition of about 100 more responsibilities: stage managing.
It seems that responsibility finds me, asks me to do all of this work. Maybe it was because I was so self-centered in middle school and high school, and now karma is paying me back. Maybe it's because I am gaining more of my mother's work ethic, and I am getting annoyed when things aren't getting done properly. Maybe it's because I'm about to graduate and I want to busy myself so I don't have to think about the future. Or maybe it's because I feel like I have to prove something to the world.
Does everyone feel like this? I think so. We wouldn't have volunteers out in the world helping the world become a better place if that wasn't so. But I'm not even going to mention the slackers. Maybe that can be another day's theme. I know that they exist, and maybe another reason I place so much responsibility on myself is because I don't want to be like the idiots that lie around doing nothing, caring about nothing, and thinking of nothing but themselves. I want to leave a lasting legacy in this world and I want the people I've met to remember that I was someone they could depend on.
So these 'themes' for BEDA might be very self-reflective, or maybe they'll have a global perspective. I'm not sure yet, but I hope whoever reads this like it. Now, time to paint!
Current song - rockmyrun mix again. Pump Your Fist in the Air
YouTube: www.youtube.com/spiritofatree
twitter: @kellybronwync
website: www.kellybronwyncochran.com
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
who skipped a month? certainly not me...BEDA Day 1
Hello everyone!
Long time, no see!! Well I have no real explanation for it, but I have missed blogging. I forgot that sometimes I just need an outlet. Well, what better month to do my venting than August? Every. Single. Day. Here I go...August bring me luck and sanity, I'll be needing it!
I plan on having a subject for every single BEDA post this month, whether it's superficial or a little more down to earth. I hope that I won't be just writing about how my days are going because they are likely to be more stressful and boring as the end of the month approaches. So what should I talk about today?
Health has been on my mind for quite a while now. Here is my health spiel:
Today's society in the United States is probably one of the most sickening things to me. Girls are expected to be sticks, boys are expected to be ripped. Not only is the unhealthy for the body, but for everyone's mind this can be hugely detrimental. Having personally dealt with emotionally scarring issues concerning my 'health' I can honestly say that none of this matters. People can torture you by telling you that you're not good enough, day after day. Then once that ends, you realize how much of an impact those people had on you, and you begin judging yourself more than anyone ever realized. Let's just look at the definition of 'health'...
From www.dictionary.com, health is defined as:
1. the general condition of the body or mind with reference to soundness and vigor
Long time, no see!! Well I have no real explanation for it, but I have missed blogging. I forgot that sometimes I just need an outlet. Well, what better month to do my venting than August? Every. Single. Day. Here I go...August bring me luck and sanity, I'll be needing it!
I plan on having a subject for every single BEDA post this month, whether it's superficial or a little more down to earth. I hope that I won't be just writing about how my days are going because they are likely to be more stressful and boring as the end of the month approaches. So what should I talk about today?
Health has been on my mind for quite a while now. Here is my health spiel:
Today's society in the United States is probably one of the most sickening things to me. Girls are expected to be sticks, boys are expected to be ripped. Not only is the unhealthy for the body, but for everyone's mind this can be hugely detrimental. Having personally dealt with emotionally scarring issues concerning my 'health' I can honestly say that none of this matters. People can torture you by telling you that you're not good enough, day after day. Then once that ends, you realize how much of an impact those people had on you, and you begin judging yourself more than anyone ever realized. Let's just look at the definition of 'health'...
From www.dictionary.com, health is defined as:
1. the general condition of the body or mind with reference to soundness and vigor
2.soundness of body or mind; freedom from disease or ailment
4. vigor; vitality
Not ONE of these definitions includes an ideal body weight, amount of muscle, or lack of curves to achieve 'health'. This is what irks me about today's world. Because when people [myself included] are on a 'health kick' it usually means that they're trying to look better. What being healthy really means is to feel healthy, to make healthy decisions in life. None of this even talks about food.
I recently have been on a health kick and in trying to be more healthy and work out, I pulled a muscle in my back. Why do I do this? I am an 'all or nothing' kind of girl. So my 'sane' thoughts figured that working out twice a day every day would be fine, right? Wrong. I spent all day yesterday in bed, as well as a good portion of today. Not only that, but I wasn't even doing all of the work outs that I enjoyed. I miss yoga, meditation, and calm walks. But no, all I could think about was how I need to start running more for an eventual half marathon I wanted to do. I have to remind myself that instead of being strong and thin, all my body really needs is to be sound and vigorous. So I will be taking things slowly...as slowly as I can. Walking the dog in the mornings instead of trying to run. Taking a Zumba class, but also taking a yoga class. Reminding myself that taking a nap might be better than doing 10,000 sit ups.
Since I'm starting to exaggerate again, I feel like I should sign off. Welcome back, readers! I am here for at least a month, and I'm expecting to enjoy this. Probably more than you all.
Current song - random running mix from www.rockmyrun.com I heard this morning on my 2.5 mile dog walk
Friday, June 8, 2012
Summer Reading 2012
So we can just skip the fact that I just completely forgot about this blog for a while and get right to the good stuff.
IT'S SUMMER!!! Although I know that I can never have an actual relaxing summer, but for the first time in 9 months, I don't have homework. Not having to read plays, scholarly articles, and write papers feels like heaven. So with my new found spare time, I have been able to do something I usually don't get to do...reading for fun!
Here is the list of books I've read this summer thus far [in no particular order]:
1 Splendid [still reading it]
2 Dancing At Midnight
3 Everything And The Moon
4 Brighter Than The Sun
5 To Catch An Heiress
6 How To Marry A Marquis
7 The Duke and I
8 The Viscount Who Loved Me
9 An Offer From A Gentleman
10 Romancing Mister Bridgerton
11 To Sir Phillip, With Love
12 When He Was Wicked
13 It's In His Kiss
14 On the Way to the Wedding
15 The Lost Duke of Wyndham
16 Mr. Cavendish, I Presume
17 The Secret Diaries of Miss Miranda Cheever
18 What Happens in London
19 Ten Things I Love About You
20 Just Like Heaven
21 A Night Like This
Wow. 21 books? And there is still one more left by this author that I will be reading soon. I'm on a roll!! I will be reading as much as possible for fun this summer because I really enjoy it, it's free fun, and it makes me happy. It feels so good to do something because I want to. So there is a lot left for me to do, but I'm keeping myself busy with it :)
IT'S SUMMER!!! Although I know that I can never have an actual relaxing summer, but for the first time in 9 months, I don't have homework. Not having to read plays, scholarly articles, and write papers feels like heaven. So with my new found spare time, I have been able to do something I usually don't get to do...reading for fun!
Here is the list of books I've read this summer thus far [in no particular order]:
1 Splendid [still reading it]
2 Dancing At Midnight
3 Everything And The Moon
4 Brighter Than The Sun
5 To Catch An Heiress
6 How To Marry A Marquis
7 The Duke and I
8 The Viscount Who Loved Me
9 An Offer From A Gentleman
10 Romancing Mister Bridgerton
11 To Sir Phillip, With Love
12 When He Was Wicked
13 It's In His Kiss
14 On the Way to the Wedding
15 The Lost Duke of Wyndham
16 Mr. Cavendish, I Presume
17 The Secret Diaries of Miss Miranda Cheever
18 What Happens in London
19 Ten Things I Love About You
20 Just Like Heaven
21 A Night Like This
Wow. 21 books? And there is still one more left by this author that I will be reading soon. I'm on a roll!! I will be reading as much as possible for fun this summer because I really enjoy it, it's free fun, and it makes me happy. It feels so good to do something because I want to. So there is a lot left for me to do, but I'm keeping myself busy with it :)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Who's bad at blogging?
This kid. Sorry, everyone!! I haven't meant to be so flaky, but it has been an insane semester! I actually meant to do BEDA this month, but the beginning of this month I was playing catch up from a trip to California. God, I love Cali. I plan on going back very soon! But this post is about a couple of things much more important:
1) Hello, everyone. You remember me? The girl that has spurts of inspiration and then forgets it a week or two later? Well I am here to make a big change. I will be signing up for my first HALF MARATHON soon! Yes, that's right, Kelly has gone to the dark side. It's Disney's Wine and Dine half marathon and I am very excited about it!! I have always had goals to get in shape and to do something really intense, but this takes it to a whole new world....I mean, level. If you want more information, check out: http://espnwwos.disney.go.com/events/rundisney/wine-and-dine-half-marathon/index?page=event-details but oh my goodness am I excited and nervous!! I'm looking for a training partner [I might have one, but it's on a football weekend and this boy loves him some football] and I am very serious about it! Once I sign up I should be ready to start the real training! Wish me luck! 13.1 miles is a big goal to have!
2) I am officially started on my final project for Advanced Costume Construction! What is the project, you ask? What else? Belle's blue dress from Beauty and the Beast!! It's supposed to be a historically accurate costume so it won't look exactly like hers, but I'm still super excited about it! I've gotten the blue fabric and the white fabric so I will be making a wesket, a skirt, and a blouse! I probably won't get to the apron until the summer but oh my goodness this will actually be happening by the end of the month!!!! So scary and so amazing!!
That's all right now, guys. I'm in class and I really should be paying attention. I'm such a good student :)
Current song - Something There - Beauty and the Beast
1) Hello, everyone. You remember me? The girl that has spurts of inspiration and then forgets it a week or two later? Well I am here to make a big change. I will be signing up for my first HALF MARATHON soon! Yes, that's right, Kelly has gone to the dark side. It's Disney's Wine and Dine half marathon and I am very excited about it!! I have always had goals to get in shape and to do something really intense, but this takes it to a whole new world....I mean, level. If you want more information, check out: http://espnwwos.disney.go.com/events/rundisney/wine-and-dine-half-marathon/index?page=event-details but oh my goodness am I excited and nervous!! I'm looking for a training partner [I might have one, but it's on a football weekend and this boy loves him some football] and I am very serious about it! Once I sign up I should be ready to start the real training! Wish me luck! 13.1 miles is a big goal to have!
2) I am officially started on my final project for Advanced Costume Construction! What is the project, you ask? What else? Belle's blue dress from Beauty and the Beast!! It's supposed to be a historically accurate costume so it won't look exactly like hers, but I'm still super excited about it! I've gotten the blue fabric and the white fabric so I will be making a wesket, a skirt, and a blouse! I probably won't get to the apron until the summer but oh my goodness this will actually be happening by the end of the month!!!! So scary and so amazing!!
That's all right now, guys. I'm in class and I really should be paying attention. I'm such a good student :)
Current song - Something There - Beauty and the Beast
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
life update!
Well hello there!
I know I've been quite terrible at blogging this year, but I did want to update you on a few things, one even being blog related!!
- I have applied for an internship for the summer working for Disney Entertainment Tech. As much as I'm trying not to get my hopes up about it, I'm realizing more how good it will be for me and how much I really want the opportunity. I'm waiting to hear back from them for my next step and every day that passes leaves me anxious. My stomach is actually in knots just typing about it, so let's move on.
- One of my friends is starting a Disney News blog [I'll keep you all updated, don't worry!] and he was asking around to see if any of his friends would help. I told him that I am swamped with things but that of course I'd love to be a part of it somehow! He responded telling me that he'd be doing the actual news part, whereas I would be doing something like 'travel tips' or 'my CP experience' or something and that sounds exactly like something I would like doing, so I think that I'll be working on it! Are you guys excited??? Because I know I am!!
- I'm working on our university's production of Cabaret and let me tell you...it's wonderful. I love it so much and I'm stepping out of my stage management comfort zone to learn about lights. I'm a follow spot operator [not as easy as I thought it would be] and I'm learning more about the technician world. I know that I have issues with taking things too literally sometimes, so I try to take deep breaths and remind myself that when the guys I work with are hating on me over headset, they really don't mean it. I just have a hard time sometimes. Last night was pretty difficult for me, but at least I can tell when I'm being stupid about it, and I'm learning to change it. So other than the somewhat hard to deal with social side of the tech world, I'm loving it. I'm learning a lot and that is always fun.
- I'm taking some iffy classes but I'm enjoying one particularly: Advanced Costume Construction. There's something about working with my hands on Monday/Wednesday mornings and putting a plain piece of fabric through a sewing machine to make something beautiful that I love. I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, whereas in almost all of my other classes I feel bored to tears and that none of the things I'm listening to in a lecture will help me down the road. So I'm making myself a corset right now, and I'm loving the way it looks. It's a very long and laboring process, but I know that the end result will make me happy :)
I think that's about all for right now. Are you happy with my update? I'll write again soon!!
Current song: Life is a Cabaret - Cabaret
twitter: @kellybronwync
YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/spiritofatree
I know I've been quite terrible at blogging this year, but I did want to update you on a few things, one even being blog related!!
- I have applied for an internship for the summer working for Disney Entertainment Tech. As much as I'm trying not to get my hopes up about it, I'm realizing more how good it will be for me and how much I really want the opportunity. I'm waiting to hear back from them for my next step and every day that passes leaves me anxious. My stomach is actually in knots just typing about it, so let's move on.
- One of my friends is starting a Disney News blog [I'll keep you all updated, don't worry!] and he was asking around to see if any of his friends would help. I told him that I am swamped with things but that of course I'd love to be a part of it somehow! He responded telling me that he'd be doing the actual news part, whereas I would be doing something like 'travel tips' or 'my CP experience' or something and that sounds exactly like something I would like doing, so I think that I'll be working on it! Are you guys excited??? Because I know I am!!
- I'm working on our university's production of Cabaret and let me tell you...it's wonderful. I love it so much and I'm stepping out of my stage management comfort zone to learn about lights. I'm a follow spot operator [not as easy as I thought it would be] and I'm learning more about the technician world. I know that I have issues with taking things too literally sometimes, so I try to take deep breaths and remind myself that when the guys I work with are hating on me over headset, they really don't mean it. I just have a hard time sometimes. Last night was pretty difficult for me, but at least I can tell when I'm being stupid about it, and I'm learning to change it. So other than the somewhat hard to deal with social side of the tech world, I'm loving it. I'm learning a lot and that is always fun.
- I'm taking some iffy classes but I'm enjoying one particularly: Advanced Costume Construction. There's something about working with my hands on Monday/Wednesday mornings and putting a plain piece of fabric through a sewing machine to make something beautiful that I love. I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, whereas in almost all of my other classes I feel bored to tears and that none of the things I'm listening to in a lecture will help me down the road. So I'm making myself a corset right now, and I'm loving the way it looks. It's a very long and laboring process, but I know that the end result will make me happy :)
I think that's about all for right now. Are you happy with my update? I'll write again soon!!
Current song: Life is a Cabaret - Cabaret
twitter: @kellybronwync
YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/spiritofatree
Sunday, February 5, 2012
forgotten
This is probably going to be a really selfish post, just to let everyone know.
So, today's my birthday. Facebook is blowing up with warm wishes, my mom brought me flowers, and people are texting me. And yet...I feel awful. I've spoiled so many friends on their birthdays: taking them to dinner, watching a movie with them, going out with them, you name it. And...no one is really going out of their way for me. My life feels a little overshadowed. I don't care about the Super Bowl today or going out getting drunk with people. I want to feel loved, I don't want to be lonely. And I feel the loneliest I've been in a long time right now. The sucky part about my birthday being so close to Valentine's Day is that I never have someone for either of them. So I'll just say it: it'd be nice to have a guy. To hold me, care for me, and spoil me every once in a while. And that doesn't exist. I'm alone right now. So maybe my birthday will get better, but until then...I'll be here. In my room. Sitting in my bed. Doing homework.
Strawberry Fields Forever - Across the Universe soundtrack
So, today's my birthday. Facebook is blowing up with warm wishes, my mom brought me flowers, and people are texting me. And yet...I feel awful. I've spoiled so many friends on their birthdays: taking them to dinner, watching a movie with them, going out with them, you name it. And...no one is really going out of their way for me. My life feels a little overshadowed. I don't care about the Super Bowl today or going out getting drunk with people. I want to feel loved, I don't want to be lonely. And I feel the loneliest I've been in a long time right now. The sucky part about my birthday being so close to Valentine's Day is that I never have someone for either of them. So I'll just say it: it'd be nice to have a guy. To hold me, care for me, and spoil me every once in a while. And that doesn't exist. I'm alone right now. So maybe my birthday will get better, but until then...I'll be here. In my room. Sitting in my bed. Doing homework.
Strawberry Fields Forever - Across the Universe soundtrack
Sunday, January 29, 2012
happy post!!
I have to type this quickly so I can get to my homework, but guess who's happy?? THIS KID!! That's right, today's post is not depressing! I know, everyone is just so excited. Let's hear the applause, this girl is smiling today and it's mostly because of a certain dorky side of her.
I'm sure that anyone reading this blog knows that I have been to both Infinitus 2010 and LeakyCon 2011, but I am here to announce this year's geeky con that I'll be attending and obsessing over: USITT 2012!!! This conference is for theatre technicians and it is one of the best opportunities for me to land a job and many amazing contacts on my career path. I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am to be attending and this is why I'm smiling like a fool today! Because my family is basically all pooling in together to help me get out to Long Beach, CA for a week of theatre geekiness on my way to success! I asked many members of my family to give this 'present' to me for my birthday and I'm starting to see the monetary arrangements finally coming together! Not only do I get to go back to California [I fell in love with LA in February] but I get to spend an excused week from classes learning more about the field that I'll be working in....IS THIS SERIOUSLY MY LIFE?!?!
The best part is there are many Disney related and Disney-led sessions that will allow me to see more about the part of the company that I want to be working for. I'm even saving up my own personal money to pay for an extra outing to Disneyland to go behind the scenes. Ahhh!!!
I'm freaking out because I'll be with great people, I'll get to see my two contacts out there in LA, and I already know two of the Disney reps that will be at the conference. Basically, I'm dying. Don't mind me!!
So this was a post to say that after all of the depressing posts I've been putting up recently, I'm finally REALLY EXCITED to be doing something I love! Yay!!!
Someone Like You - Adele
I'm sure that anyone reading this blog knows that I have been to both Infinitus 2010 and LeakyCon 2011, but I am here to announce this year's geeky con that I'll be attending and obsessing over: USITT 2012!!! This conference is for theatre technicians and it is one of the best opportunities for me to land a job and many amazing contacts on my career path. I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am to be attending and this is why I'm smiling like a fool today! Because my family is basically all pooling in together to help me get out to Long Beach, CA for a week of theatre geekiness on my way to success! I asked many members of my family to give this 'present' to me for my birthday and I'm starting to see the monetary arrangements finally coming together! Not only do I get to go back to California [I fell in love with LA in February] but I get to spend an excused week from classes learning more about the field that I'll be working in....IS THIS SERIOUSLY MY LIFE?!?!
The best part is there are many Disney related and Disney-led sessions that will allow me to see more about the part of the company that I want to be working for. I'm even saving up my own personal money to pay for an extra outing to Disneyland to go behind the scenes. Ahhh!!!
I'm freaking out because I'll be with great people, I'll get to see my two contacts out there in LA, and I already know two of the Disney reps that will be at the conference. Basically, I'm dying. Don't mind me!!
So this was a post to say that after all of the depressing posts I've been putting up recently, I'm finally REALLY EXCITED to be doing something I love! Yay!!!
Someone Like You - Adele
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
too much
This is something that I keep realizing about myself:
I'm too open. I am too carefree. I let people in without even thinking twice. I trust too easily. All of these things mean one thing in the long run, I will never stop getting hurt. By letting anyone and everyone get to know about me, I'm setting myself up for disaster.
Another problem that I have is that I talk too much. When someone says, "hi" all that's needed is a hello back. Not a story about my life or a question about what they think. I jump in to things too quickly, and in the meantime, I allow other people to learn just enough about me to take me for granted. People use me, hurt me, and walk away laughing. I'm never the one left whole. I'm always the one left hurting, because I'm always the one that puts my whole heart in to things.
Being left alone leaves me broken. I get smashed in to a million pieces and get left in ruins until I can barely pick myself back up again and start to rebuild, and I have no idea of how to change. The more guarded I try to be, the less I like myself. I don't want to hide, I want to live. I want people to know who I am and what I like. The thing is, I just don't think people care. They care to an extent, sure, but when I think about it I know that I'm the only one who cares if I feel fat one day, or if my clothes match, or even if I have a smile on my face. I'm the only one who really cares about me, and I just wish that one other person would like me enough to get to know me.
Until then, I have a labyrinth to rebuild. To protect me, to hide me, and to keep me away from the hurt. The only problem is, I'm left alone with only my thoughts...and my thoughts are memories. Memories that haunt me.
I'm too open. I am too carefree. I let people in without even thinking twice. I trust too easily. All of these things mean one thing in the long run, I will never stop getting hurt. By letting anyone and everyone get to know about me, I'm setting myself up for disaster.
Another problem that I have is that I talk too much. When someone says, "hi" all that's needed is a hello back. Not a story about my life or a question about what they think. I jump in to things too quickly, and in the meantime, I allow other people to learn just enough about me to take me for granted. People use me, hurt me, and walk away laughing. I'm never the one left whole. I'm always the one left hurting, because I'm always the one that puts my whole heart in to things.
Being left alone leaves me broken. I get smashed in to a million pieces and get left in ruins until I can barely pick myself back up again and start to rebuild, and I have no idea of how to change. The more guarded I try to be, the less I like myself. I don't want to hide, I want to live. I want people to know who I am and what I like. The thing is, I just don't think people care. They care to an extent, sure, but when I think about it I know that I'm the only one who cares if I feel fat one day, or if my clothes match, or even if I have a smile on my face. I'm the only one who really cares about me, and I just wish that one other person would like me enough to get to know me.
Until then, I have a labyrinth to rebuild. To protect me, to hide me, and to keep me away from the hurt. The only problem is, I'm left alone with only my thoughts...and my thoughts are memories. Memories that haunt me.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
i don't understand
I have this thing about me. You see, I hate giving up. I hate leaving something not knowing that I did everything in my power to do right with whatever I'm leaving. There are very few places, people, and things that I walk away from without looking back or keeping a relationship with. So I guess one of my pet peeves is when people can just say, "Alright, I'm done." and leave it at that. It's not even that it frustrates me, it hurts. It hurts knowing that people really don't put in their best effort to work on a situation, no matter how bad it can be, or how hard it is to work through.
I've had this happen to me multiple times, but I guess since it's happened very recently I feel like I should talk about it. Especially when people can drop all the history, all the experiences, and all of the feelings without caring, that's when it hurts. I guess the negative part of this trait of mine is that I don't let things go. I just really want to get to the root of the problem and fix it.
Maybe one day someone will want to work with me to fix it too, whatever 'it' is.
And now, I get to build myself again. I have to try to put myself back together after letting myself be hurt and taken advantage of time and time again. Here is one opinion, it's much more eloquent than me. This is my goal for a while:
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Bury deep that heart of yours,
conceal it from the pain.
You never know what lies in store
beyond my warm embrace.
Never let them in these walls.
Keep them at arms length.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Behind these walls you’re safe, my world.
Forget his smiling face.
Forgetting my wise words
leads you far from me.
You end up causing pain
to those in which you seek.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Current song - The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
I've had this happen to me multiple times, but I guess since it's happened very recently I feel like I should talk about it. Especially when people can drop all the history, all the experiences, and all of the feelings without caring, that's when it hurts. I guess the negative part of this trait of mine is that I don't let things go. I just really want to get to the root of the problem and fix it.
Maybe one day someone will want to work with me to fix it too, whatever 'it' is.
And now, I get to build myself again. I have to try to put myself back together after letting myself be hurt and taken advantage of time and time again. Here is one opinion, it's much more eloquent than me. This is my goal for a while:
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Bury deep that heart of yours,
conceal it from the pain.
You never know what lies in store
beyond my warm embrace.
Never let them in these walls.
Keep them at arms length.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Behind these walls you’re safe, my world.
Forget his smiling face.
Forgetting my wise words
leads you far from me.
You end up causing pain
to those in which you seek.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Current song - The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
Monday, January 23, 2012
geography
I'm sitting in geography class, hearing my professor talk about things that have nothing to do with geography. He's kind of an asshole, and it's only the third week of school. He yells to rush us on quizzes, he only makes sports references, and he thinks that he's the shit. He's been funny a few times, but for the most part, he's an ass. Unless you're really good under pressure of people yelling at you, and you enjoy sports all the time, oh, and if you listen to NPR constantly, then you won't do well with him. I'm not a happy camper and I have no idea how I'm going to do in his class. It's very hard to like anything about this, and I thought I liked geography.
It's classes like this that are semi-required that make me really question the education system here. And the tenure system. I'm supremely sick of having shitty professors, shitty classes about subjects that I don't care about, and a not so great GPA because of the shitty classes. I'm so ready to be graduated.
Current song - Mein Herr - Cabaret
It's classes like this that are semi-required that make me really question the education system here. And the tenure system. I'm supremely sick of having shitty professors, shitty classes about subjects that I don't care about, and a not so great GPA because of the shitty classes. I'm so ready to be graduated.
Current song - Mein Herr - Cabaret
Saturday, January 21, 2012
trying to blog again?
I know, I know. It's been quite a while since I've even tried to post here. I haven't felt the need to share every little detail about my life recently because I'm trying this thing where I'm a little more positive. It hasn't worked too much this week, but it's happened as much as I could!
As for my life, nothing is really changed. I did get to take an awesome trip to Disney with some friends that started on Sunday evening at 7pm and ended Tuesday morning at 5am. Yes, ridiculous, I know. I also got my first driving ticket because of it, but I paid it and I'm forgetting about it. Classes in school this semester are going well as long as my drive to get amazing grades do well. I guess the biggest news is that I applied for my diploma and am set to graduate in December. Kind of scary, but mostly thrilling. I have a plan and I can't wait to really get started on it!!
This is a short post, but I wanted to say hi. I have a lot going on, but I'd like to post here more often and since my internet is finnicky, I think this might be the better option at the moment.
Current song - I Got a Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
As for my life, nothing is really changed. I did get to take an awesome trip to Disney with some friends that started on Sunday evening at 7pm and ended Tuesday morning at 5am. Yes, ridiculous, I know. I also got my first driving ticket because of it, but I paid it and I'm forgetting about it. Classes in school this semester are going well as long as my drive to get amazing grades do well. I guess the biggest news is that I applied for my diploma and am set to graduate in December. Kind of scary, but mostly thrilling. I have a plan and I can't wait to really get started on it!!
This is a short post, but I wanted to say hi. I have a lot going on, but I'd like to post here more often and since my internet is finnicky, I think this might be the better option at the moment.
Current song - I Got a Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
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