oh wow.

Well hello there! Guess who's been ridiculously crazy for the past few weeks?! That's right...this girl!

I got through exams and made this semester the worst [GPA-wise] in my college career. Andrew is going to help me change that next semester. I will be on Dean's List again, I swear! But after this semester I'm on a nice 2 week vacation down here in Florida. I'm typing this up as I wait for the guys to come get me for some food at Buffalo Wild Wings so they can watch the Orlando Magic basketball game. I'm already tired.

I've actually slept less here in Orlando than I did while in school. These past few days have been crazy and it's not stopping for a while!! I finally got myself over to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal and have been to 3 of the 4 Disney parks. It's been fun but FREEZING so far. The past couple of days have been chilled because it's really too cold for me to want to walk around a park. So I've been relaxing and finally got myself to sit down, edit some video, upload some photos, and get excited about new people coming!! Sarah Jean, Ben, Mallory, Helen, Tyler, Chris, and Leah [Chris' friend] are all coming down for a couple of days of fun in the [cold] Florida sun! Chris and I are getting all of us in for free so that Ben can see Disney for the first time and the others can have a good vacation! I hope that they all enjoy themselves and I hope that we all have a good time!

Pat and I saw Tangled today and I was really impressed. It was almost more surprisingly good than Princess and the Frog was. I loved the entire movie and I will definitely be investing in it. Which is funny because I really didn't think I would like it at all. But it was either that or Narnia, and I just really wanted to see a girly movie....finally. I've been hanging out with guys ever since I've been here and I can without a doubt say that I need a girl friend here!!! I get to see my old roomie Bri tomorrow night though and I'm really pumped about that because she's one of my favorite people in the entire world!!!

This blog post was really choppy but I had to write something and that's how fast my mind was changing subjects on me! It's almost time for some chicken wings, a candy apple for dessert, and hopefully a movie that I can enjoy!

Current song-Ridin' Solo

my non-Thanksgiving

Well hey there. How was everyone's Thanksgivings? Great? Great! I'm so happy for you all! I'm glad that everyone got to enjoy a day of fun, family, food, and football. Everyone, that is, except for me.

So. Thanksgiving. My family usually has turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, some kind of green vegetable, and lots of other stuff. Since I don't eat meat I end up eating the potatoes, the vegetable choices and the dessert. Well, welcome to this year, when all I ate was peas and olives. Yeah, you heard me right. They did turkey [that's fine. I can live without meat...obviously], sweet potatoes [gross], cranberry sauce [not so much], peas [I dealt], a relish plate[meh], and a random ass autumn pie thing. What the hell. My family is usually perfectly predictable. Why did they change it all up?! I got no yummy food, I got no say in the matter, and I had to deal with family making fun of me for not eating meat. It wouldn't bother me so much if I had a say in something and if my family accepted my choices. I choose not to eat most meats. I don't want them to deprive themselves on holidays, but they don't need to make fun of me. Yes, turkey is basically the same as chicken. No, I don't choose to eat it. Deal with it. I'm sick of standing up for what I do and don't like, and I'm sick of not being accepted for it.

I'm the complete opposite of my family. They are the typical Southern family. That's great. But I mean it when I quote Belle and say that I want much more than this [provincial] life. I know I'm different. I've survived being different. I want to get the hell out of here and live my own life. I want to be able to be myself. I want to be able to visit my family on occasion and really appreciate what I have. Being this close to them all the time makes me sick of them. I miss them when I'm gone. I love my family. But I hate that I have to hide myself from them because they wouldn't understand me. Fuck my life. I hate being a Debbie Downer. This is just a bullshitty day.

Current song-Fancy - Drake
Current bottle of water - 5

today

Well I got back officially from my trip today. I woke up at 6am with all of my clothes from yesterday still on and realized that I didn't remember anything after we had arrived at Jennie's house. Well....that was because I literally passed out on their guest bedroom bed, clothes and all. I was one tired puppy. I dozed again for another 3 hours and then had to move my car so Jennie's parents could go to work. After waking up myself and Madeleine, the three of us had breakfast and got ready for departure. Jennie's mom came back and played [Toy Story 3] Uno with us until Jennie was ready to lead us back to the interstate. After driving, talking, and singing with Madeleine for a couple of hours, we arrived home!!

I dropped of Madeleine, headed home, saw Frances at the apartments, took a shower, and headed over to Jeri's house to get the dogsitting duties. We ended up hanging out and talking for a few hours. I met all of her kids and her husband, and we literally had an awesome time just goofing off and chilling in random parts of their house. She has the best family, and I have the cutest dog to sit for!!!

After a few unexpected hours, I headed over to my friend Evelyn's house, and we ended up going to the grocery store for her to get cookie supplies! I got extremely hungry but I managed to control the hunger! The cookies weren't amazing, but we ended up having a nice chill girl night just talking about becoming more healthy and being good people. I hope that I get to see her more often because I've been so busy lately, and next semester isn't going to be much easier at all. But I want to make an effort to be friends with lots of different people because I'm the kind of person that likes to flit around to different things and experience tons of things instead of being stuck in one place all the time.

I ended up calling my dad really late and he was disappointed that I didn't call earlier to say I wasn't going to eat dinner with my family. I felt terrible because disappointing my dad is the worst feeling I get. Ever. He's my favorite person in the whole world and I hate that I let him down. And it's only going to get worse because my grades aren't going to be great this semester and he counts on me to be the strong child. Ugh. So I felt terrible about that but I ended up having a good day.

Tomorrow the plan is:
-clean my room, thoroughly
-try not to think about missing Orlando
-go to a gymnastics tournament with Evelyn
-see my family
-remind myself that Orlando is still coming soon
-start some homework
-ask Chase to help me pick out some Shakespeare
-force myself to stay away from the car so I won't drive to Orlando
-work on my audition song

I hope I end up completing those tasks successfully...

Current song: Accio Love-Ministry of Magic
Current bottle of water: 7

The best day of my life.

Well hello there, real world!!!

I have spent a day being a noob, a three year old, and the happiest person on the planet. Would you like to hear about it? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!!!

If you didn't already know, I'm in New York City for the first time in my life with my friends Madeleine and Jennie, as well as Jennie's parents. Let me start this off by saying that I am VERY grateful for Jennie's parents being here [and getting us free hotel and basically free plane] because they got us through the subway system, got us into Brooklyn, and basically were our tour guides for the day. And when we weren't with them, Jenna was. Jenna is my dance teacher Jeri's daughter and she goes to SAB [the School of American Ballet] and so she showed us around Lincoln Center and the area surrounding it. But really, let's start at the very beginning of the day.

First of all, we didn't even get in the city and go to bed until midnight-1am. We got to sleep and woke up at 8am to go downstairs for a free breakfast that included Belgian waffles, cereal, scrambled eggs, potato wedges...and let's just say I'm a breakfast fanatic so I was in heaven. After that we came upstairs and got ready for our very long day. We headed out to scope the town out for tomorrow's excursions. What we found was an ice skating rink in Bryant Park [we plan on doing that tomorrow], a fundraiser for citibank, and tons of cute little kiosks. The fundraiser was to benefit Toys for Tots, and we basically had a rock star photo shoot that donated at least $100 from citibank, and all we had to do was pose for pictures! I felt awesome about that, not gonna lie.

After heading away from Bryant Park, we traveled to the Times Square area which began my experience as a fangirl. We took tons of pictures, went inside the M&M store, saw a bunch of I <3 NY shirts [which we'll be buying tomorrow] and planned to see the Hershey's store and the huge Toys R Us tomorrow. We ended up taking my first few subway visits, the first was over to the Lincoln Center. Well, it was like 20+ blocks away from the Lincoln Center, but we got to walk to Central Park and see the front of the Museum of Natural History, so my sore feet can deal with that, alright?! We met up with Jenna who showed us her SAB dorms and the SAB building and then we headed to the Apple store, Urban Outfitters, pinkberry, american apparel, Trader Joe's, the North Face store, and this awesome store that Mukluks come from [awesome shoes that dancers wear over pointe shoes or when warming up their feet. I wanted some!!] It was really fun to walk around and see the city from the perspective of someone who lives there...the Trader Joe's was a hidden treasure. It was sooo cheap!

I was very good about not spending much money at all...until we got to our main event. We took the subway over to Brooklyn and headed to the Williamsburg Music Hall where the NEW YORK CITY WIZARD ROCK FEST was happening!!! Let me preface this by saying that I don't care what anyone thinks. I love the Harry Potter books, love that the movies have helped to make this such a huge franchise, and love the fandom that has come out of this entire experience. Oh, and I love that I get to be a part of it.

Anyway, we entered the building and headed downstairs to check our coats and see the vendors. We obviously saw Ministry of Magic, Remus Lupins, Whomping Willows, Justin Finch Fletchley, and the all the others. We were complete fangirls and got a ton of pictures with everyone. We bought merchandise [mine included a poster, a t shirt, a pre-ordered t shirt, and some other things] and even had some legit conversations with Alex Carpenter, Luke Conard, and Matt Maggiacomo. These guys are really down to earth and encouraging. I felt like I could talk to them easily although I still felt like a huge fangirl. We had a few of them help film some intros for our vlog collab channel. Luke remembered making a gift video for me this summer, Matt remembered taking pictures with us this summer, and Lauren Fairweather did because of a gift video as well. Even Jason Munday remembered us from Infinitus this summer. Basically, we were on top of the world. But wait a minute, we hadn't even listened/watched anyone play yet!!!

We headed back upstairs where we opened our night of music with Justin Finch Fletchley and the Sugar Quills. He was AMAZING to wrock out to. Actually, everyone we saw was. But he was really cool to see, and he really worked with the audience well. He ended up having memebers of Diagon Alley come out and help with his last few songs, which was really fun. After taking a break during some of Tonks and the Aurors and Swish & Flick, we headed back out to the main floor to see The Whomping Willows who was wonderful!! He's really good live, and I knew more of his songs than I thought I would which made me feel super special. He was accompanied by some of his friends at the end of his set which was amazing because as soon as Aaron Nordyke got on the drums, everyone started jumping up and down like crazy people and finished out his set with a bang! The Remus Lupins followed Matt with one of the most fun sets I've ever seen. He also sang one non-wrock song to please the Suzanne Collins fans. Let's just say Madeleine almost died with happiness right then and there. His set, his voice, how awesome he was in real life....it just astounded me. He also sang 'Dumbledore' which I had requested via twitter the day before. It rocked my world. I can't express how cool of a person Alex Carpenter is. I appreciate him as a person, an artist, and a nerd. ANYWAYSSSSS...after Alex got off the stage, Brian from Draco and the Malfoys came out and did a fun set. I wasn't really well-informed on their music, but it's always fun to hear a Slytherin's side of things [Swish & Flick was also Slytherin]. He cracked us up and made the set fun.

Then we got to the real main event. Ministry of fucking Magic!!!!! Luke, Jason, Jeremy, Aaron, and Ryan were all ready to end our night with the best experience OF MY LIFE. They played my favorite songs [although I love almost every single song of theirs, so it'd be hard not to play my favorites] and we jumped, jammed, videoed, pictured, and screamed for them. I really have never had so much fun in my entire life, singing along with my favorite songs, seeing them in real life, and being with two of the most awesome girls! They were also throwing out some merch to the crowd and a MoM megaphone soared through the air and landed in my hand like in the movies. I screamed through it [with a hoarse, terrible voice] throughout the rest of their songs, and definitely made the girl in front of me want to cut off her ears or something. The boys [and like all the other wrockers] ended the show with the biggest bang anyone could ever imagine. They said goodnight and left, but I wasn't ready to let them go. I started chanting 'Encore! Encore! Encore!' and guess who peeked their heads out, heard our chanting, and came back out for another amazing song?! That's right, I'm a champ.

After the show, I got my megaphone signed by a bunch of wrockers, talked with Alex and Luke one more time [we got a hug from Alex] and headed out. We headed back to the hotel and we're sitting here now, soaking in the night of awesome that we just experienced.

Basically, my life is complete right now. I'm having the best experiences of my life, and I'm so lucky to be here at all. I'm so excited that I'm getting really into something because I haven't really had one thing that I've wanted to be more interested in more than anything. This is it. This is what I love. And I love it more than anyone knows. :)

Current song: 'Dumbledore'- Alex Carpenter, parody of 'Dynamite' by Tao Cruz

on a better note...

Hey!!

Things have gotten a lot better since Tuesday. I think I'm okay about the dance stuff. My teacher actually wants to give me a solo next semester which is exciting!

I also have a lot to look forward to for the next few months. I leave in about 15ish hours for Atlanta and then Madeleine, Jennie, her parents, and myself will be traveling to New York City for the first time in my life!!!!!!! I'm super excited about seeing the sights, going to the wrock festival, and getting fun experiences!! I'll be back on Tuesday with stories and stuff and I'll have to get to work on school work, audition work, dog sitting, helping Madeleine learn how to drive, and seeing family and friends. Wow. It's going to be an intense week. And I'm just now realizing it. But hopefully it will be tons of fun!!

Last night I stayed up to see the midnight premiere showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I. It. Was. Amazing! I loved it! I have sooo much to say about it, and I don't know if I'll do that in blog or vlog form. Either way, there will be an update. I want to see it again, and I'd be totally willing to see it in IMAX!!

Tonight I get to strike the set for Machinal with most of the theatre department and some others until 2AM OMG AHHHH!!! I'm gonna die! I stayed up until 430am for hp and then 2-3ish for this? This is going to be interesting. And I have to pack for New York and drive Madeleine and myself to Atlanta in the AM. This is going to be funnnn.

I think that's really all I have to say. I just wanted to let you all know that it's gotten better on the emotional front. Thanks for the concern guys!!! Well....gals!

Current song: That's Where You Take Me- Britney Spears
Current bottle of water: 8ish???

please

Well, usually Tuesdays and Thursdays are the easiest way for me to find an outlet. I have jazz class. I have a teacher that kicks my ass in the best way possible. I work hard to improve and to focus on being a good student. No, wait...not a good student. An amazing student. I push myself past my normal limits and I make it my goal to beat whatever I did last week. But for the past few days something's been nagging at my brain. And today it hit me full force. I'll give you a little insight to my flashback:

ASFA. Any year. I'm panting after dancing some ballet combinations in class. We applaud the teacher and the pianist for teaching and playing for us during class. I'm walking towards the dressing room with my friends when I hear my name called. My teacher wants to talk with me in their office. I sit down, hair in a bun, black leotard, pink tights, aching feet.

"Kelly, how are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling fine..."
"Well, I've noticed you've been a little sluggish in classes lately. Is something wrong?"
"No ma'am[or sir]. I feel like I'm trying hard."
"Well have you thought about what you're eating? Have you looked in to changing your diet?"
"uh....."
"I think you should. Especially if you want to make it in the dance world. You weren't planning on becoming a ballet dancer, were you?"
*silence* *hangs head*
"Oh...well you've got a lot of work ahead of you...and it will be tough. Come talk with me more often. We've got a lot to work on."

So....maybe I'm just a crazy girl, but to me, that sounds like I was told [many times...and almost every day in class] that I was too fat and that I would never make it in the dance world, and definitely not in the ballet world. And it killed me. Sometimes I just wanted to go home and let someone who really deserved my spot to be there. But then I thought about leaving my friends, my freedom, and the art world behind and that scared me even more. So I stayed. And I let myself live through that torture for four years. Four years of being a mediocre, fat corps ballet dancer. Never once did I have a solo. Never once was I really truly encouraged. The things that got me through were my friends, my roommate[s], and the people that watched me saying that they could see the passion that I put into my movements, even if it wasn't what it was supposed to look like. And I made it. I graduated, came to Auburn, and started out as a French major.

Then I went to Disney. I remembered why I loved performing. That rush came back, and I needed to be as close to a stage as possible. I needed that background back. So I came back from Disney and switched to the Theatre major. I've been here ever since, and I finally found my place in Auburn. But even my niche in this southern town has it's flaws. Today I remembered. I remembered those four years of being fat and never being really encouraged. Because I know I'm good. I know that I can pick up movement. And I lost fifteen freaking pounds this summer. So why am I still pushed to the back of people's minds? Why am I never remembered? Why am I still Ms. Average Plain Jane? I don't understand. I want it. I want the lead. I want to show the world what I have to offer. I want to dance. So why am I still in the corps? Why am I still not being given the chance to partner?

The saddest part is that all of my old uneasy thoughts came back into my mind: Am I too fat? Do I need to lose weight? What am I doing wrong? How do I fix this? Do I need to be unhealthy again to achieve my goals? Will I ever achieve them? Is this really worth it? Is it worth me bawling my eyes out and getting nothing from trying so hard?

I honestly still don't know. And I'm at a point right now that I need an outlet. I need to let out my frustrations. But my only outlet is dance. And I'm not being given that moment, that chance. Teach me. I want to learn. I want to learn so badly. Please.

very tired

Hello, blog world. How's life?

Great? Good for you! Mine's tiring! I've been through a whirlwind of life and I'm good with that, but the semester is catching up to me and I'm beginning to feel the weight of everything come down on me. I have two tests this week which I desperately need to do well on. I have lots of work to do to even be close to being ready for my New York trip, I have to start thinking about Christmas presents, and I have so many extra things on my plate that I'm just overwhelmed thinking about it.
On the plus side, I got a winter coat finally! And some gloves and a hat, but the coat is niiiice. I want some more scarves to brighten it up since it's black, but I'm just really happy to know that I have a chance of surviving this cold winter!

All in all, this is a short blog post, and I'm really excited about the upcoming months/trips. I'm trying to blog every once in a while so that I can remember that Blog Everyday In April is coming up sooner than I think, and I'd like to be a part of it this year.

Current song-Teenage Dream [Glee Version] Darren Criss
Current bottle of water: 7

everytime i say hate, pretend like it means 'strongly dislike'

I hate when people are douches.
I hate when people are cowards.
I hate when people are passive agressive.
I hate when people use me.
I hate that I get so angry about these things.
I hate that it's really hard to confront them about it.
I hate that I have these feelings.
I hate that I always have to be the stronger person, the 'big girl' and fix the mess.
I hate that I annoy people.
I hate that after I get used, hurt, humiliated, and rejected, I still have to smile and pretend like everything's okay.
I hate that when opportunity does come, I push it away.
I hate that there are absolutely no opportunities that I see happening in the near future.
I hate that being strong about this is slowly weakening me on the inside.
I still hate that people are cowards.
I hate that I get treated like shit and am expected to be okay with that.
I hate that I'm the one that gets made out to be the bad guy, when it's really them.
I hate that the second something goes wrong, people freak out.
I hate that I can be one of those people.
I hate that there's not one person I can really talk to about this without feeling like shit.
I hate that I keep bringing it up.
But most of all,
I hate that I messed up, I did something wrong, and things didn't happen like I wanted.


Sorry it's such a downer, but I needed to get that off of my chest before I exploded with anger. Screw this. I'm sick of it. I want to punch you, and I'm not a violent person. I want to scream at you, for you to scream back, and for us to finally tell each other what we feel. But then, I want everything to be okay, and I want to be happy....I don't want to hate you. I guess that means it's time to put on my big girl panties and confront the situation like an adult. Something you can't do.

another long pause

Hey everyone,

Sorry I've been MIA all month. It's been a long and stressful few weeks for me. At first it was all school-related, and then it turned into family crisis' [crises?]. I'm sure you all know by now that my grandfather is in the hospital. Well, he went in for a surgery to remove a supposedly 1-2 month old blood clot from his brain. He came out of his surgery fine [he could remember me, my aunt, and my daddy all by our nicknames] and was doing well, but the clot was found being 6-8 months old. The next day he had a few seizures and was placed into a drug-induced coma to take away the pain. I talked to my dad today and he said that the doctors weren't hopeful for a long-term recovery, although it's still possible. So far, I've given you the facts. Now here are my speculations:
-Although my Poppy loves all of his family dearly, he's lost two wives to cancer. Recently, [and now that the clot was so big we think that might have also been a factor] he's been drinking a lot, visiting the graveyard to see Nan and Mimi, and was acting even more subdued than he already was. I think it's all catching up with him and he's realizing his age more and more now. And I hate that for him because he still has this nice family that cares about him and loves him. Like me. I don't want my Poppy to leave me.
-Since the death of my step-grandmother, he has been solely devoted to family and work. He worked up until last week when he was put in the hospital. My aunt and dad have forcibly retired him [although he doesn't know it] and that's half of who he was...gone. He won't have his freedom anymore, his independence. So I think that it's a big deal to him.

I don't know. I'm really worried about him, and I don't want to lose him, but he's 82. If it's his time, I can understand that. I can get over it. I've been lucky to have him for 20 amazing years of life. This isn't me giving up on him, but I don't know if he really wants to fight anymore...


Anyways, onto another subject. School is getting better now that I have some free time to devote to it. I hope that my grades will start improving and I'm trying to study more. I have so much to catch up on, but I think I can do it.

That was quick.

Another topic: boys. I hate them. But with all this family stuff, I've been longing for a cuddle buddy. As much as I hate myself for it, sometimes I lose my nerve and start to wonder about getting out there and dating again. Not that anyone really wants to date me, but still. I still don't think I'd have time at ALL, and I don't need any other stress in my life, so when I really sit down and wonder I realize that there's no reason for me to date anyone. I just miss the affection sometimes.

I'm pretty positive I'm headed down to Disney again December 10-24. I'm really excited and I have some friends coming too! I'm determined to get some play time in there because I really REALLY want to have some fun down there! I might be staying with the same guy I did this summer, which would be hella convenient and nice of him. And his friends are cool too so it'd be fun to see them all again. :) we'll see what happens, but for now, I just can't wait to get back down there where I don't have to worry about anything...

Well I'm gonna try to do some work and then heading to bed. Hope people still read this!

Current song: Single Ladies- Beyoncé

a long pause

Hello everyone!

Sorry if it's been a while. I've been going nonstop for the past couple of weeks to say the least. But the end is near, and once tomorrow is over, so is my nighttime escape adventure to the theatre every night. [side note: I hate how my computer says that 'theatre' is misspelled. It's a word!!]

As the last couple of weeks came closer, the panic began to settle in. Tech week would be easy, but the week of the show? I had two major tests that I needed to do well on and literally no motivation or time to work on them. I wanted to do well, but every time I got a free moment in my life, I would browse the internet, talk with friends, do anything to get away from the stress of school and theatre. So when Tuesday night arrived, I spent hours in the library preparing for the exam. It went okay...I think. I would be grammatically correct and say that it went well, but well means that I'm proud of it, and with the amount I think I missed, I'm not so sure I will be proud of it. I hope to be, but we'll see. But I do know that I'm not proud of my second test. I needed to be better, and I just wasn't. I don't mean to be a slacker, but when I'm barely getting sleep and worried about grades and jobs and everything else, it's kind of hard to focus on one thing instead of the numerous things I'm supposed to worry about.

So, Friday came and went. The show is over, the tests are over, and my life is [almost] back. I have one more day of strike and my freedom begins. Now, the school things are still looming, but a composition and an outline are much less stressful than two major tests.

How do I put this? I was so stressed out last week that I didn't sleep, put tons of stress on my body, and ended up losing my voice, gaining a monstrous cough, and having zero energy. I had to keep the morale up [because I don't like to be a Debbie Downer during shows] but outside of that, I was in bad shape. I barely made it. Really. Does that give you an idea of how intense my week was?

But I'm done with it, and I only have a few more [I can even count the hours if I want to] days of this time-consuming life before I get a chance to relax a little. I'm letting my sickness have today since I haven't had any time to let this thing run it's course. So I'm sitting here, in my pajamas [at 12:42pm], coughing like a madwoman, and typing to you all for the first time in a couple of weeks. Did you miss me? I missed you!!! I wanted to write soo much but I told myself I needed to be productive....as I continued to play games and surf facebook. *sigh*

I'll be able to write more regularly with news and thoughts again after Monday. Love you all!

Current song: Hummingbird Heartbeat-Katy Perry
Water bottles drank today: 3

stressful revelations

Soo....I'm sitting here backstage at rehearsal waiting for tech to run smoothly and I thought that it was finally time to sit down and write some more about my feelings on me. I've been trying to be honest with myself and have come to some more self-analyzing conclusions. This time it's solely about me and how I do in relationships. Or at least, how I've done so far in the skewed 'non-relationships' in my life.

-I'm high maintenance. I want to be spoiled. I would say that you can blame my daddy for that, but it's really all me. I've turned into such a girly girl recently, but I've always like presents, surprises, and treats. It's taken me a long time to actually admit it [so if you're reading this, you should be proud] but I really expect a lot. I want a fairy tale, or a happily ever after. I've only met one person that's had feelings for me that's really treated me like that. I didn't know that things from the movies could happen like that in real life, so unfortunately for any other boy that might like me, he has a lot of standards to rise to. I know I'm not perfect [seriously, I know more than anyone else] but the guy that really wants to be with me is gonna have to think I'm as close to perfect as possible. I've already admitted that I fall hard and fast whenever I do fall for a guy. I guess what I'm saying is that for once, for ONCE, I'd like to have a guy like me as much as I like him. Because I'm totally willing to do the surprises and the fun adventures right back, as long as I'm shown that he's interested first.

-Basically ever since I've had feelings for guys, I've been shown that I'm a fool who falls for the guy that will never like me half as much as I like him. It's been a problem because unfortunately there are mean guys out there that take advantage of the fact that I like them and use me [mentally, etc] until my heart's been ruined. I've had lots of friends to help me rebuild my pieces, but again, there's only been one guy that's seemed to even come close to liking me as much as I like him. I want him to need me. I want him to depend on me. And most importantly, I want whatever guy that likes me to not take advantage of me. *sigh*

-For me, I have some weird views on relationships. I went in to this a little bit in other entries, but I'm going to attempt to put it all in perspective here. I think that honestly, the guy should be in control of the relationship. That's how society has trained us, and I guess that makes me a puppet to society, but this is just how I feel. I want my happily ever relationship to be like the relationship that my parents have. They still love each other after all of these years, after three kids, after lots of financial and family issues, and they're always there for each other. My mom usually makes the food [trust me, I want to learn more about cooking!] but my dad definitely chips in or will make food for my mom/the family whenever. Both of my parents work, but my dad brings the majority of the money in. My mom deals with the things around the house, my dad deals with his tailgating. I don't know, they have a system and it works. I like the southern way of life even if I don't like living in the south. I just....ahhhhh I want a guy who loves me and will take care of me/protect me/be my everything.

-I want a guy who can have fun. I want a guy that will dance with me when we go out, will sing songs in the car with me on road trips, will go be with my friends as well as introduce me to his friends. I want this guy. I want more than that, and I don't want a guy who controls every aspect of my life, but that's the main gist. I want a guy who's proud to be with me. For me, looks matter in a weird way. I've fallen for every stereotype of guy I can think of. I just think that I have this whole view on guys and I have no idea if it's attainable. Is any of this attainable?

And when I said that I want the guy to be in control, that doesn't mean that I want to be a subservient woman or anything. I want to be hand and hand in the relationship. I think my mindset is that the guy is more of a strength and the girl is more of the...I don't want to say mind....but....the spirit, I guess. That's all I can think of. Does any of this make sense?

EDIT: As I read through all of this, I realized that it sounded like I was completely 100% set on everything boy-wise in my life. That is TOTALLY not the case. My biggest thing is that I want compromise. I want to be able to work through problems together with open lines of communication. I don't want to have to hide anything from that person, and I want to make sure that everyone is happy with the outcome of whatever challenges that arise.
Example: Recently I found out that this so-called perfect guy thought that I wasn't a Christian. Yes, I have a skewed view of all things religion, but really? You couldn't even talk to me and tell me that to my face? I had to find out through a friend? Really? If the lines of communication had been open, then this guy would have found out that I've been so pressured into all things religion throughout my life that it's led me to question everything about the Southern Christian way of life. I'm not denouncing any religion, and I refuse to judge people based on religion, but for me, right now, I'm at a crossroads. I'm still finding out what my religious beliefs are. Spiritually, I'm set. I have my own personal relationship with God. But please, don't judge me when I'm a little cynical towards Christianity that's been skewed and forced upon me by society.
Needless to say from all of this drama, in whatever relationship I'm in, I want to be open with the person. I want them to love me for my faults as much as I love them for theirs. I want them to know that no matter what, I'm willing to work through things. I won't back down, run away, or just stop all communication if something gets rough. I want to be there and know what's going on.
A lighter example of this would be something along the lines of this: I don't like scary movies or anything with lots of gore, blood, violence, yuckiness. I prefer not to watch anything of that sort. It's what makes me hate Lord of the Rings [I know, I know, kill me now...you're all obsessed. hahaha]. But you know what? If a guy says 'Alright, we've watched a ton of chick flicks...I need some manliness back in my life' then I'm perfectly willing to watch a suspense or somewhat action-type movie. I'm not all selfish, people.
Yet another example: If it comes down to it, there is always the compromise of not watching either chick flicks or violent movies by watching something like a normal comedy or episodes of The Office or something. See? I can do compromise.
I think the biggest thing for me is that both people in the relationship are happy. Yes, I can be a needy, clingy, sometimes whiny little baby. But guys can be rude, loud, jerks that are just as selfish. So hopefully this edit makes me sound a little less set in my ways and a little more like I'm ready to have a real relationship. Another edit is that I'm not dead set on having a boyfriend right now. I am having an amazing time being single! I want whatever guy I like to start a relationship naturally. I hate forcing things, I hate planning for things that end up falling through, and I hate that all of this post is going to make me sound like I'm desperate for a boyfriend. I'm not, I just think I finally know myself enough to know what I think I'd want in a relationship.

so...

I'm seriously considering taking a self-imposed long weekend and going down to Florida for a Fri,Sat,Sun,Mon,Tue weekend. I can't afford to miss a Friday because I have labs then, and if I miss one day of each of my classes I think I can survive. Does anyone think that it's a good idea? I've been so stressed out with no kind of outlet for so long. Last time I was cooped up for 6 weeks as an ASM I drank myself silly at the cast party and...I don't think I want to do that. I'd rather be having fun at Disney. But then again, I do need to focus on school and once I'm done with rehearsals that can be my full focus. I'm not sure. Advice?

Current song: I Heart Weasleys-Ministry of Magic
Current HP reference: Kristina doesn't like Hagrid
Bottles of water today? 1 [it's only 8am, don't worry! :)]

question.

Alright, if you've been dating someone for a very long time [like, over 2 years] and the boyfriend has to leave town for school, is it alright for them to spend the weekend with each other? Seriously, it's not like they don't already know enough about each other, it's not like they're always doing something bad....and really, if they wanted to do something bad, they would have found time to do it when they lived in the same town before. I don't see why so many adults freak out about our age kids spending weekends together. Really. Am I crazy, or does this actually make sense? Is there any reason why the parents should be overly concerned? Urrrrgh.

Current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry [don't judge! it's my new fave!]
Current HP reference: WWoHP....dying to go!
Number of water bottles today: 9

two posts in one day?!

So...I was having a nice little vent session that I realized could be utilized here just as well. My friend was talking about looking at Auburn stuff and my response was 'oh god...'. It's not that I hate Auburn, really. It's just that this town doesn't hold the same appeal to me as it does to every other person. If I had my way, I'd be off in a big city, doing what I love and learning how to do what I love, and able to see a professional show at the drop of a hat. I'd like to be going away to college, like normal kids, and excited to come home for the holidays. Instead....I'm here. All the time. And it's....not as amazing as people would think.

You see, I'm the kind of person that likes a change of scenery every once in a while. And when I say every once in a while, I mean as often as possible. I don't like to stay too stagnant. I might like that sort of lifestyle later, but for now....I want to get out and go go go. I feel like I'm missing out on things that people don't normally experience. Don't get me wrong...I've loved making the friends that I have here, and I have come to love the things that I do here...but it's not me. I want to be in a place where the arts are more appreciated, where I don't feel so smothered by all these southern values, traditions, and morals. Where it's okay for me to go out and not worry about running into my parents, or where I don't get three phone calls a day from my family asking me to do something or come visit them...because they're two miles away. *sigh*

I'm sorry, but this blog is a place that I always vent to. These are just my thoughts at the moment and I need to get them out. I hope my readers don't hate it!

a short quick post

Order of business #1:
I hate losing friends for idiotic reasons. Especially reasons that include boys. The friendship isn't fully over, but I can't talk to this person anymore because I never see them, hear from them, or worry about them. And every time I do see this person, I get made fun of or picked on, because that's just who this person is. Ever since I got home it's just been going downhill and I'm sad to see it go. But I'm at the point that if people don't want to be my friends, then I just have to get over it. There are people that do love me for who I am. It wouldn't be so bad being picked on if I knew that there was still some decent friendship deep down in there. But I don't see it anymore, and losing sight of that just stinks.

#2:
I've gotten into the habit of hiding my body again. Urgh. You'd think that losing 15 pounds wouldn't be so hard to keep off and feel good about. Wrong. I feel like I'm gaining it back which is a HUGE fear of mine considering I'll get eaten alive by my grandmother if she thinks I've gained weight back. So for now, I'm allowed to be a little conscious about it, a little vulnerable, and a little scared. It's okay for that every once in a while.

Okay, so now that I've wasted an entire afternoon doing absolutely nothing of real worth for school, I must study for the next 45 minutes before rehearsal. Urgh.

Current song: Some Imagination [acoustic]-Skyway Flyer
Current HP reference: chilling in the common room
Current book: none....I might take this portion off until a school break. Sad, I know.

i'm a wimp.

so....i decided not to go to the game today. i know. i know. i've been a good auburn girl my whole life. i just wasn't feeling it today. i'm still watching the game on TV and my tiger boys are doing an AWESOME job. i kinda wish i was there. but if i lost my voice again, i'd be in BIG trouble with Kathleen. and besides....i have a good reason to be all comfy here in my own apt....

jackie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

isn't she the cutest thing ever?! my sister and her boyfriend just got jackie from the opelika vet clinic and she was just going to leave her at our parent's house during the game. i was already feeling iffy about the game so she asked if i wanted to puppy sit. UH....DUH!!!! She's the cutest thing ever!!!


also, my phone is dead. my life sucks. idk what happened or how it's to be fixed, but i want my baby phone BACK!!!

two things

So...creepiness happened a little bit ago. An older guy [was an advisor when I was a youth in church] just got sad about thinking that I was 'off the market'. I am thoroughly creeped out. Thoroughly.

Secondly, I was trying to flip through channels when 'Titanic' popped up on my screen. It's one of those movies that I've only seen once and I'm kinda scared to watch again. Of course, I'm still watching it, even though I caught it when the ship was sinking. It's so hard to watch this, and I can't stop thinking about all of these amazing people that didn't survive. This amazing ship that everyone was so confident about...gone. Just like that. I can't stop thinking about it. It's a miracle to even think of a story like this....I just can't even imagine anyone in their positions.... :(

Current song- My Heart Will Go On [obviously]
Current HP reference- seeing Snape's Patronus
Current book- Theatre Histories: An Introduction

confessions

I used to be the kind of girl that was up for anything. Well, except for trying certain foods. I'd challenge myself constantly, I'd watch any movie you asked me to. Basically, I was a badass. Nowadays I find myself in my own little fantasy world. Not that I'm complaining, but as many comments as I've had on it lately...I feel the need to confess a little bit about who I am now.

I've turned into a girly girl. I'm not hung up on the latest trends and fashions, but I like to look cute [when I have the energy for it] and I have absolutely no problem with being told that I look nice by people. I like to sing along with boy or girl parts of songs, and the songs I listen to are crazier than most people's tastes. No, I'm not talking about heavy metal or gangsta rap....I'm talking about wizard rock and nerdfighter songs.

I'm also a nerd. Not in the making straight A's way, although I'm doing pretty well in school, but in the way that I'd rather be holed up with my computer than out partying the night away. I'd rather read or watch a movie instead of going bar-hopping and getting wasted. But I also have crazy ambitions [like traveling a LOT, taking road trips, and meeting amazing new people as much as I can]. I'm not a hermit, but there are [many] times that I need to be alone, just to think. I like being with my friends, and I have a TON of best friends. I'm a pretty open person and it's nice to share anything and everything with so many people. This also means that I don't really have much of a filter when it comes to introducing myself and here in the Deep South I get a lot of crazy looks for some of the things I say. This also means that with such an open heart to almost anyone, I also get hurt pretty easily. I'm either full throttle and high speed ahead, or I'm in my own little corner at a dead end. Not depressed....just.....thinking.

I like to be a good person/friend/leader whenever I can, but sometimes I need some attention as well. There are times when I'd jump off of a cliff if it would help someone become a better person, but then there are other times when I want the world to only pay attention to me and nothing else.

I can be a crazy outgoing person with my beliefs, but I still hold on to some traditional views. I like to be an equal partner in relationships usually, but I don't mind if the guy is bringing in more dough than me, or wants to protect me from harm. Sometimes boys are meant to do things that girls aren't, and that's okay with me. But I'm not going to force a guy to only do things with me, or make a guy only have the same interests as me. I like to compromise, and I like natural, easygoing guys that will like me for all the crazy that I am. I, in turn, will roll with the punches and do my best to be the best person I can be for a guy. I'm totally willing to change, to be the perfect girl....as long as he is too. The problem with me and guys is that I usually freak them out and send them running as fast and as far away from me as possible.

Over the past few years, I've become more and more obsessed with Disney. That's never a bad thing, but I've also become obsessed with happily ever afters and I will admit that now it is very hard for me to watch a movie without a happy ending. I've basically turned into a baby. There are the rare exceptions when I will go out on a limb and watch a suspense or action flick, but I'd much rather have something that will show me what a happy life is.

What this blog post comes to is this: I've grown up [and down, in some ways] a lot. I'm still learning who I am, and I know that there will be even bigger changes ahead for me, and I am totally fine with that. I'm a happy person who just wants to love and be loved in return. I'm not that different from other people. I like who I am, and I like the people that I have close to me. I hope you guys enjoy me too.

Current song: Round and Round-Selena Gomez
Current HP reference: Harry with the Resurrection Stone
Current book: Theatre Histories- An Introduction

sooo busy

Hey everyone,

So I've been meaning to write for a while, but I have been VERY busy. What with all my classes, rehearsals, and trying to find time to sleep....let's just say there aren't enough hours in the day. And to top it all off, I'm still coughing up a storm and feeling sick-ish, my best friend is in the hospital, and people are constantly asking for my attention.

Let's see...what to talk about? I guess I'll go in order:
Classes-well....a few of them are jokes, but I still have to study a lot on my own. I'm trying to keep up with all the coursework and understand the things that I didn't get in class, but the more I study, the more I feel like a hermit, and I just don't like that feeling. It's nice to have a class like jazz where I get to have my outlet and dance for an hour+ a couple of times a week. Still, I feel like I'm a drone. Just getting to classes, sitting there, and walking to the next one. And I hate feeling like that because I love learning and I want to be excited about all the classes I'm taking.

Rehearsal: They're actually going pretty well. The director is letting us out early a little bit, so we get the opportunity to go home before ungodly hours of the night. I was sent home a couple of nights ago because I felt terrible, but other than that they're actually going pretty well. The show is creepy, but the characters are hilarious. I can't wait to be able to see more and more of the rehearsal process while trying to get ready for my audition next week [eek!]

Sleep: Well, you see, what had happened was....yeah. I have no time to sleep. Even with getting out of rehearsal early I still find myself with tons of things to do both before and after rehearsal. It's probably the biggest reason why I've been sick for so long, but I can't get much more sleep than what I've been getting unless I want to fail college. And I really REALLY don't want to fail college. So I'm sleep deprived which makes me sleepy, which makes me feel like a drone in classes, which makes me not so happy....it's an ongoing cycle.

Sick: So I've been sick for over a week now. When I say sick, I mean that I'm coughing a lot, but the coughing doesn't help whatever my throat needed me to cough for. My throat is killing me and I sound like a man when I talk. It's pretty gross. I have a voice lesson tomorrow and I have no idea how I'm going to get feeling better enough to really sing. I haven't belted all week, like she forbade me to do. [which sucks, btw, because I LOVE belting] We'll see how she feels about me still not going to the doctor this week. :\

Sarah: So....I went to bed at 915pm when I was kicked out of rehearsal a couple of days ago and when I woke up, I had an awesome [not] voicemail from my best friend Sarah telling me that she was in the hospital and that she wanted to see me. What?! [btw, I just sneezed three times.....why am I sneezing so much?! urgh sickness!!] So today I rush over there after my classes [and a shower] and find her looking so sad and weak. Her veins had collapsed because of how dehydrated she'd become since she got back to the US. Are you kidding me?! So they had an IV in her and she said she was feeling better, but she still was very tired and VERY weak. It seemed as though just going to the bathroom took a ton of her energy. The good thing is she's gotten her appetite back. But she's missing her first week of college, she can't eat anything until they figure out what's wrong with her, and she's stuck in bed without many visitors. I got to see her for about an hour and I hope that she's feeling better and better, but it's just a long process and the earliest she'll leave for Furman is this weekend.

People: Well, I told you that I hate feeling like a drone. So no matter how much I have on my plate, I have the urge to be at least somewhat social. My friends want to hang out so I visit them. I might take homework, but at least I feel like I'm interacting with them. Sad, right? I know, but if I want to get anything done, I have to do about 3 things at once. There's just so much to be done and without my nighttimes to do all the extra studying, I am already swamped. And it's only the first full week of classes!

So there's my life in a nutshell right now. I like writing it all out. For now, I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Current song: Supernova
Current HP reference: studying for the OWLs
Current book: Biology

downfall...

so....maybe it's the stress. maybe it's all weighing down on me. maybe i just need to try to let it all go.

i'm not feelin' it tonight. the normal bright and bubbly me. i'm just not. and it hit me pretty fast. something inside of me just wants to curl up and know that everything will always be okay. but tonight is one of those nights that i know my life isn't a fairytale. i know it's not going to end up exactly the way i want it to. and it sucks.

first of all, i know that life is about compromise and working with others. i have no problem with that. but again, my dad was right in saying that i'm always either 100% into something or it just doesn't appeal to me. i need that drive in my life, i need that inspiration to keep me going. and lately....well....it's all just fizzled out. yeah, i'm having a great time in college having awesome friends and an awesome family that loves me. i know i'm luckier than half of the people i know. but...it's not that i'm missing anything...it's that i'm at one of those stagnant parts of life. no matter how much i overwork myself to keep going i still know that i'm in a transition phase of life. i've grown up a lot while in college, but i know that there's so much more to go. my dad also says that i never want to be in the present, i'm always thinking about the next step and the future of things. well, that's true. i can't help it. i've had a whole summer of living 'in the moment' or, if you want the boring way of saying it, living day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.

i don't even know what spurred all of this right now, but i knew it needed to be out of my system and into someone's ears. well, maybe someone's mind...i have no idea. all i know is transition time stinks, but i have to still try to live in the moment and take in everything that comes my way. that's the only way i'll learn and live and love. right?

current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry
current HP reference: harry getting rejected by cho
current book: Theatre Histories-An Introduction

a little pet peeve and a little blog

So....just to rant for a minute. I'm a pretty fun person. I like to have a good time, I like to be around people. I really like making new friends and having new experiences. But sometimes I just need some 'me' time. That leaves me with two clashing sides of my personality. Usually when I'm on a break from school I can let my hair down and have a little more fun than during the school year. Well, this summer was no exception. I worked hard, and then when I got home I played hard. Too hard, in fact, because now some of my friends seem to think that it's the only side of me that I have. I've just explained that I love to have a good time, but once school hits, I really need to focus. So I might be a party pooper, I might never say 'yes' to going to parties or clubs, but I promise I still like having fun! It's just that once the school year starts, I have to remember that partying needs to go to the back burner while I focus on school.

So a roommate kept asking me if I wanted to go to an on-campus block party. Yes, I'd love to, but I'd be too focused on the school work that would be waiting for me here in my apartment. So she asked again, and I said "I'd love to but since I don't have to be at rehearsal I'd rather just get this homework done with before I go out". She rolled her eyes and finished getting ready. A few minutes ago she called down the hallway and said, "Last chance to come with us!" and when I replied with another no I could hear her sigh and could imagine her rolling her eyes at me before slamming out of the door. And that, my dear readers, is what irks me more than anything. Unlike some people, I really cannot afford [money and time-wise] to go out constantly and go party or play with people. When I have a schedule and a plan, I'll be as fun as I can during those activities. But until I'm finished with my lists of things to do that take priority over leisure activities, I'm pretty solid in saying no. Call me a nerd, a dork, a homebody. That's what I am when school starts. And if you can't handle that...then, well.....you'll either have to get used to it or find other people to go out with. I'm sorry.

Actually, I'm not sorry. I've done pretty damn well for myself over the past year, and I want to keep it up. I want to do well. I make time for fun, and I have a great time when I'm out. Do not try to guilt-trip me in to anything, I know better. I was a guilt-trip queen before I got a conscience and started being nice to people.


Alright, rant done. Now on to the past day. Last night we had our scene and costume design presentations for our show and so far it seems to be pretty cool. Building a rake for the stage is going to be tons of work, but as long as I get an A in the class, I have no problem with sweating my ass of for 4 hours a week. Then we had a read-through of the show and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't wait to get started with the full rehearsal process.

This morning I woke up and went to french class. Again, it was stressful, but if I can study hard I think I'll understand most of it. I'm also seriously considering studying abroad next summer to a) finish up my french minor and b) to have the time of my life in Europe. I came home from french feeling exhilarated and wrote back to my french friend Roobens. I ended up trying to work on some assignments in Frances' room [see? I can socialize and get jobs done!] and then had to head over to our local 'healthy supermarket', Earthfare, for some yummy granola and other healthy groceries.

After some lunch with a cannoli for dessert [yum!] I headed over to my voice lesson. Now, I've been dreading this lesson all day because my voice has been slowly deteriorating over the course of the past week, and my voice teacher knew that. We ended up working out which songs I'll be singing this semester and trying to help my voice out a little. I am hereby banned from belting any songs for the next seven days so that my voice will rest and not over-stress itself. Kathleen also ended up telling me that the notes I sang in my mix were very clear, and I was very proud, if I do say so myself. :)

I came home and had another attempt at my numerous readings due next week. I finished 'Trojan Women' but was too afraid to write the first post for the class. I'm not scholarly in my writing at all so the first post is a very intimidating spot for me. I'll jump on the bandwagon of entries on Sunday, when they're due, but you all heard me first! I finished that play on Friday!

Then the whole mess of me not wanting to go to the block party happened and I needed to rant to all of you lovely readers [yes, all....one of you...two? I don't know]. I am now thinking that a change of subject to study is what I need to keep trucking through all of this work to be done. For now, wish me luck as I leave the world of Theatre History and begin the studies of Biology. Eek!

Current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry [seriously in love with it]
Current HP reference: going to Herbology, any book
Current book: Theatre Histories-An Introduction

the second first day

Good morning....

So today is the second 'first day' of classes. I get to go to Jazz, Biology, and work. Today we also start rehearsals for 'The Birthday Party' and I'll begin my nightly appearances as the Assistant Stage Manager. Who's excited? I'm excited to see the show go up, but I'm already worried about the work level that will be involved in my Theatre History class [let's call it TH for short].

Yesterday brought a lot of fun times although a few things about yesterday frightened me.

-after not speaking much french at all this summer, my 2020 professor decided to only speak french to us. I understood most of it, but when it was my chance to speak I basically froze and tried my best to do a mediocre job. *sigh*
-as I was already nervous about TH, I soon learned that all my fears were correct. I already have to read 70 pages from our textbook and outline them as well as read 'Trojan Women' and do a post and a quiz on it. All due by Monday. This cannot be good for my stress levels
-I realized that my throat is sore and that my glands are swollen. I have my first voice lesson on Friday. This can only mean bad things.
-after seeing just all of these things on my schedule, I'm worried that the added stress of rehearsals is just going to kill me.

Well....at least I know that I tried to start with a positive attitude. Last night I re-wrote my TH notes and began reading 'Trojan Women'. I'm going to attempt to finish it today and start deciding on what to post, although I think there is a prompt. Then I get to start reading and outlining my TH textbook. Oh, the joys of being a Theatre major....which, by the way, is a lot harder than people seem to think. A lot of people think that it's an easy major that won't get me anywhere in life. I beg to differ. Some of these classes are going to be harder than other upper level courses, it all just depends on what you see as 'challenging'.

Alright, time to put on my dance clothes and get ready for a 15m sprint across campus after being exhausted by jazz. Wish me luck!

Current song: Push it-Glee soundtrack
Current HP reference: Hermione's work ethic with her studies
Current book: 'Trojan Women'

first day of school

Hello readers.

Today is the first day of classes and I somehow woke up with "Back to Hogwarts" in my head. I'm not complaining, but it is kind of a letdown knowing that I won't board a train at King's Cross and take the Hogwarts Express to an amazingly magical place. Instead, I'll put on my Muggle clothes and take a 10 minute stroll down to campus where I get to learn French and Theatre History. This does not sound like Charms and History of Magic to me! Grrrrrr, why am I a Muggle?!

So instead of singing "back to witches and wizards and magical beasts"...I found myself singing "back to singing and dancing and sweat in this HEAT"....and shocked myself with my quick lyric changing skills. Anyone like? I did. And that's enough for me. :)

Well, as I said, I'm taking french and theatre history. But I'm also taking a production studio, biology, and jazz. It doesn't sound like too hectic of a semester, but I can't go in to it thinking that it's going to be easy. My mind is focused and grounded because I have a lot going on until October 1st when my nights will be free again. Two mini jobs, 13 hours of classes, and 5 hours of rehearsals a night...along with football games, church activities [bleh], and trying to maintain a decent social life. Really? How do I get stuck with all of this and survive? I guess all of you readers are about to find out.

So come join me as I get to go back to Hogw....I mean....Auburn. Dangit! It's such a letdown compared to Hogwarts!

Current song: Back to Hogwarts-AVPM
Current HP reference: King's Cross station
Current book: whichever my classes make me begin reading...ugh

present success!

Well hello there, friends!

It's a day late, but my days have filled up quite fast over the last week. Yesterday I woke up with the intentions of walking through my schedules for this semester. I did a few productive things [like depositing money into my bank accounts, and getting a good sweat in there] before getting an invitation to lunch. Well, naturally I accepted, but only to be thwarted by his other friend asking to have lunch with him instead. I know friends are important so of course I didn't mind, but I haven't heard from the boy in another day and a half. Fun? I think not.

I ended up going swimming with a bunch of people and hanging out all afternoon. It was great to see friends again and have some relax time.

I also went to dinner with some kamp girls and then a party with some other friends. Lots of fun overall, although I did have a headache and needed rest. I was my own party pooper and headed home to read HP7 to sleep.

This morning I got to walk all across campus [in the blistering heat] to end up NOT getting my ignited card that would allow me to enter football games. I went home, dejected, and had an apple for lunch. Yes, dear friends, an apple. Yummm. I ended up being able to get the card, and a ride across campus to receive it, and then a ride to work. Roommates are the BEST. I love them :)

But the biggest reason for this blog post is the AMAZING video present I received from Jennie and Madeleine. You see, after visiting me and then having to leave me in Florida to work my ass off, they proceeded to go to the Decatur performance of ROFLCOPTOUR and got me a present. I got told off by.....drumroll, please.....KRISTINA AND LUKE!!!....for not being present at the show. I'm sure they had no recollection of meeting me just 2 days earlier at Infinitus, and I'm sure they've been doing crazy awesome videos for other people all summer, but still! I got to hear both of them say my name, get angry at me for not seeing them, and even had Luke raise his voice. I swear, I wanted to be there! They were all cracking up and having a great time, and I'm just super duper jealous that I didn't get to be there. But I loved watching the video, I'll be making a vlog soon just featuring that video and my excitement about it, and I'm still happy that my amazing friends did that for me. As much as it made me wish I had been there with them, I have to wonder: do Jennie or Madeleine have a video of Luke and Kristina saying THEIR names? Just sayin.... :)

I'll post this and sign off for now...I have a foreboding feeling that I'd rather not share with the blog world at the moment...

Current song: Battle of Hogwarts- Ministry of Magic
Current HP reference: the epilogue
Current book: finished!!! with HP7

sunday ramblings

Hello everyone!

Well it's been a....weird...past few days. Half of the time I was freaking out and re-living things that did not need to be relived. The other half of the time I spent with friends and family. The first part doesn't sound so fun, but I ended up getting some very productive things done. My room is now perfectly ready for school to start on Wednesday, and let me tell you, it feels AWESOME to have a room this clean and organized.

The second part of my last few days has been relatively fun. Last night I got to see all of my church friends that I hadn't seen all summer and I realized how much fun I always have with them. You see, I don't normally attend church. But I live at my church. Weird, I know, but $150/month for rent and utilities without parents around is kind of awesome. And when I say kind of, I mean that it's way up there on the awesome list. Anyways, I'm not a big churchgoer. Don't get me wrong, I believe in a higher power and that whoever this 'God' is, he/she loves me. But I don't feel the urge to profess that the Protestant Christian "God" is the only way things should be believed. I've had many conversations with numerous people about what I believe and don't have to discuss it with the entirety of whoever reads this. All I'm saying is that on Sunday mornings I'd rather have a baby fall asleep in my arms at the church nursery than singing very traditional hymns and being told that there's only one way to heaven. *sigh*

So I had a great time with friends last night, I got to see almost all of them again this morning and eat Mexican with them, yum.

Overall, I've calmed down since my last few posts. I'm fine. There is a final test later on today, but I'm trying not to think about it. If all of this is cryptic, don't worry. It makes sense to me.

Current song: Hot n' Cold-Katy Perry
Current HP reference: Dumbledore's funeral
Current book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows [yeah, so pumped!!!]

phew!

Well today has actually been very eventful thus far. I got to sleep in [I need to stop doing that so much and get used to only getting 6.5 hours of sleep a night again] and then got up and decided to completely finish my deep cleaning in my room. Yesterday I had done most of it to distract myself....today it was all about finishing things up before school starts. Now the only thing to be done is taking the two boxes of things to my parent's house that I don't need here anymore. But my desk and closet are cleaned out, cleaned through, and organized!

Let me just say, cleaning is soooo soothing once completed. I vacuumed, I got my organization skills on, and I actually have a little bit of free space here and there. I feel accomplished.

Now all I have left ahead of me is reading the rest of Half Blood Prince, talking to people online, and showering. Here's to an awesome ending for my day!

Current song: Don't Stop Believin' [Glee Cast]
Current HP reference: Dumbledore's first meeting with Tom Riddle as a child
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

textbooks and texting

Well today was fun.

I got some texts at 3am making me feel much worse than I already had. Wednesday just needs to disappear from everyone's memories. Please? Anyone? Dangit....

So I had to try to distract myself all morning...
The good news: my room is completely clean.
The bad news: I wasn't very distracted.

I also cleaned the bathroom and commenced the textbook shopping avec mon père. I only had two classes that I needed to buy books for so instead of spending the normal $300+ on books, I spent less than half that much. Epic. Win.

My dad really helped me keep my mind clear because we did a bunch more stuff together including putting cabinet doors back on in our kitchen, eating mexican food, and going to Winn Dixie. Mmm...sounds exciting, doesn't it?

I also had some good texting times with a few other friends. I'm lucky to have friends that are so oblivious that they end up unknowingly distracting me. :) As much as I hate to say it, I think that I really need to start school just so I'm too busy to remember how much of an idiot I am. I'm excited to learn more, but less than thrilled about test taking, paper writing, and sweating my ass off in the Alabama heat.

Anyone who reads this, please tell me about your day! Or something you'd like to hear me talk about!!

Current song: My Eclipse-Alex Carpenter and Jason Munday feat. Kri$tina
Current HP reference: Hagrid having to let Norbert go with Charlie
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

urgh.

i made a fool of myself. well...it's over with. i just have to try not to re-live what people have told me about. urgh. *headdesk*

Current song: Paint it Black [french version from 'Talladega Nights']
Current HP reference: still Katie Bell
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

long time no post

Hello all!

Sooo......I haven't updated in a while. I have literally been doing something with some person or another during every single day that I've been home. I'm not complaining, but I did realize that while being busy is fun, having clean clothes is also fun. I made the 'hang out spot' be my place for a good 3 hours while I did all of my laundry.

Auburn is great, Montgomery was really fun, and I've been at the lake for about 24 hours now. This is how summer should be: constantly going but always having a great time. Although tons of complications arose, I think I'm finally figuring things out. I get back to Auburn today, and I have a lot to discuss and do, but tonight is another night of fun at Quixote's so at some point I'll squeeze in business-related things.

I have 6 days to finish everything up to get me ready for school, I have precious few days left before other people leave or start classes, Sarah gets in to town in a couple of weeks so I'll get to see her, and may I just say one more time how amazingly exhausted I feel? As much as I'm ready to get back to the grind of classes, I also don't want summer to end. It's too much fun!!!

Current song: oo de lally- Robin Hood soundtrack
Current HP reference: Katie Bell getting cursed by the opal necklace [book 6]
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

on air

I kinda feel like I'm flying. Being back in Auburn is better than I can remember. I don't really have much to say about it, I'm just really happy at the moment.

I get to go to Montgomery for a few days to see some family, get some shopping time in, and to relax with some of my favorite people that always give me good advice. I really need it right now, and I'm really excited to see what they say.

Wish me luck!

Current song: You Had Me at Hello- A Day to Remember
Current HP reference: the happily ever after
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

i'm home!

So I've actually been home for a few days now, but this is the first time that I've really had to sit down and type things up.

I've spent the past two days dancing my ass off all day long. The new dance instructor for the university taught an intensive and I am SO GLAD that we'll finally have some decent dance in the area. I only get to take jazz with her, but I am planning on taking ballet as soon as I possibly can.

I also went to Quixote's for the first time on Wednesday night and that was sooooooooooooo fun! I ended up having a great time, and I kinda wanna go out again. The only problem is that during the semester I'm very focused [or at least I try to be] and so I don't really have time to go out much.

Also, speaking of school, Emily and Ben and I had lunch today between musical theatre and hip hop and they convinced me not to take two theatre histories this semester. I think that it's a really good idea too considering I have lots of core classes and stuff to work on. I feel like a slacker for only signing up for 13 hours though. I have no idea what else to do...so I guess I'll just see what this semester brings.

Here's to an awesome last few weeks of summer!

Current song: Don't Stop Believin' -Glee Cast

no....really.

I'm never switching shifts with Elvia again. I'm in Toontown on my last day. I really feel like crying. And when I mention it to the roomie, it doesn't faze her, but I'm supposed to jump up and down and squeal about her fucking youtube videos. No thanks. I don't care.

I'm not being a baby. I'll suck it up on my last day and do the sweaty mess of Toontown. But I just hate being told that I'm going to be CIF and in every land, and I end up being only in the worst land at work. I'm sure she was worried that I wouldn't take the shift because she knew that no one liked Toontown, but I probably still would have taken it. I just like knowing where I'm going to be so that I can prep to be sweaty and gross and red-faced all day at work.

So here's to the last day of work before I get to go home and get some rest. Let's hope that it doesn't kill me....which it might.

Current song: Tik Tok-Ke$ha
Current HP reference: Hermione's annoyance with Harry about the second task
Current book: I think I'll start Half Blood Prince when I get the chance.

last day off

Hey!

So today is my last day off before I head home on Wednesday. I'm supposed to be packing and cleaning up but all I can do is sit around and watch YouTube. :)

I have to get a birthday present for my sister before I come home...any ideas? She wants something from Harry Potter world that she can use, not just display. Help!

Uh....what else to talk about? I'm running out of food here at the apartment, but I have to get to Walgreen's today anyways so maybe I'll pick up some cereal...ahhh. I literally have not enough food and people tend not to like it when I don't eat but I really don't want to buy anything more. I'll eat Snicker's ice cream, popcorn, and strawberry poptarts for the next 4 days. Sound good? Ugh, not to me. Sooo unhealthy. When I get back home I get good healthy food again.

Okay okay, I'm going. I'll stop being lazy. Geez, you guys are so demanding. Haha

so. amazing.

So....closed with this awesome girl tonight at work. We got to talking after work because she's a nutrition major and I was talking to her about being healthy. Then we got talking about AVPM. Then John Green. Then 5AG. Then wizard rock. Hoe. Lee. Crap!

Let's just say I might have added to my Disney best friends list. Elizabeth heard about all of these obsessions in one conversation and didn't run away screaming. I drove her home from work and we just shared stories and vented and listened to 'California Dorks' and....*happy sigh* Life is just good. I leave in 6 days and I hope I get to hang out with her some more because it would be awesome if she got in to all this stuff too! Yay!!!

I'm just way too happy for any more words. :)

good morning, world!

With a bruise on my butt, a mess of curly wet hair, and chocolate for breakfast, I am SO ready for today!

It's almost my Friday and then I'll have one day to pre-pack before working for another three days and then going HOME!!!!! I love organizing, packing, and getting ready for a new adventure, even if the adventure is getting home. I'm getting my playlist ready for my ipod, doing my last few loads of laundry, and getting really excited about having a real bed to sleep in! The sooner I get home, the better!

Once I get home I get to:
-see my mommy and daddy
-dance for two days straight
-see my nana and papa
-go to montgomery for shopping and family time
-get schoolbooks and supplies
-talk daddy into getting me more auburn gear
-see FRIENDS and spend time with them!
-start working and having voice lessons again

See what I have to look forward to? This fall has to be epic. I'll have the theatre, church, two jobs, it'll be football season which means tons of family time, and friends...and hopefully...if he likes me enough....i might have....wait for it.....a boyfriend. :D At least....I hope so.

Speaking of boy....after a summer of me saying how much I hate boys...I think I might have found one that could work. The real test is in two weeks when I get to see him in person again, but I'm hoping that the outcome is what I want it to be. We'll see. For now, I'm just happy to have someone to talk to.

In other news, sunburn on the face HURTS. I'm going to have fun when this starts peeling, but maybe I'll get lucky and it'll just stay red or turn to a tan. Me? Tan? Ha! I make myself laugh....

Current song: You Kissed Me at the Dundies- ALL CAPS
Current HP reference: Halloween-Year 1
Current book: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

latest pet peeves

Alright, readers. I'll admit it.
I'm a bit of a green girl. I like to save energy, unplug things when I can, not use A/C when I leave my apartment for the summer, etc etc. So when I come back from a long day at work, the last thing I want to see is every single fucking light in the apartment turned on along with one of the TVs on. Really? REALLY? Why would you waste all of this energy? I already haven't been able to recycle this summer, but to always leave things on and wasting? Things that I have to pay for? I'm not okay with that.

In other news, I'm a klutz.
No...really.
I fell down twice today, have a bruise on my butt that might be a hidden mickey [which is only a little creepy], almost broke skin by scratching my arm on the corner of a door, and...let's just say I'm speeeeecial.

So....Meg Crofton was in the park today. For those of you who don't know, she is the president of Magic Kingdom. My coordinator came frantically looking for me and asked me [specifically] to greet guests outside of our location. Well, not only was I flattered, but I got to spend what could have been a lousy day at work out in the sun giving high fours [yes, fours, not fives...thank you mickey hand!] to guests of all ages and ethnicities. I got to spend as much time as I wanted talking to guests, and one of those guests even complimented me to my manager! All of those things were great, so I'll try to forget that my face is going to need aloe, my arms are quite red, and I have a sunburn triangle on my chest where my shirt didn't cover it. Yay sun!

I think that overall today was great, and I just keep reminding myself that it's one week...one week before I get to drive home and spend time making meals with my mommy and getting school stuff with daddy and going to montgomery to visit family and...well, I'm sure you all get the point.

Current song: Feel the Song- Skyway Flyer
Current HP reference: Harry receiving his Nimbus Two Thousand
Current book: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

PS-leave comments!!!

so...

good news: i got into biology

bad news: i'm going back to back to back on TR

good news: i'm done by like 3pm everyday.

bad news: i have to learn how to nap again

so....since i'm thinking that the cons are outweighing the pros...i'm going to put up some pictures from the past few days to cheer myself up

catching up

Well hello again!

Long time no....type? Talk? Yeah, that.

It has been a crazy end of the week! Madeleine, Jennie, Caitlin, and Amy came in to town and thank god because work and life here has really been bringing me down lately. So the five of us spent a few days together and they were.....THE MOST EPIC DAYS OF MY LIFE! We spent two days in Disney...all four parks. We hit everything that they wanted to hit and it was great.

Then....here comes the best part now...

INFINITUS!!!
We only got a one day pass...mistake, of course! For those of you who don't know, Infinitus is the Harry Potter conference [which ended today] that had a ton of events including wizard rock shows, a night of frivolity ball, tons of theories and sections about Harry Potter! I could barely contain myself as i saw all of the awesome in the conference center!
I met amazing people, watched amazing HP related things, danced to amazing music, and ended off the night singing ten extra chorus' of 'Don't Stop Believin' with extremely amazing people!
I loved everything about yesterday, and I think that it gave me the 'oomph' I needed to finish out my summer of work before heading home for a couple more weeks of awesome before starting school in August.

So I guess now I'm just back at the summer apartment, getting through the last 9 days of work, packing up my stuff, and ready to head home. I have a lot to look forward to... :)

Current song: Round and Round- Selena Gomez
Current HP reference- the Yule Ball...not Ron's point of view, the good stuff
Current book- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone!!

urgh.

So there's this guy at work. And he's a nice guy. But there are just some days when you can't put up with people's annoyances. Here are his:
-he is slow...so when you close a location with him, it takes forever no matter what job you ask him to do.
-he gets sidetracked easily, so whatever task you ask him to do, it usually doesn't get done.
-he sings. all. the. time. and only songs that he knows i like because....
-he likes me. that much is obvious. he's always asking when we're gonna hang out and always offers to buy something for me or call in to hang out with me etc etc.


This is probably because it's 1:42am and I'm tired and I know that I could have been out of work 20 minutes earlier than I was because of some of these annoyances. I'm a nice person. I put up with lots of things. I let a lot of things go. But tonight, I was not a happy camper. I almost lost my temper and I used tired-ness as my excuse for why I wasn't talking. Ugh! Is this too whiny? It's late and I just did not need to deal with that tonight.

Current song: Cayman Islands-Kings of Convenience
Current HP reference: Harry's utter disdain for Ron in Book 2

quick.

I cannot wait to be in a certain someone's arms....soon I hope!!

Current song: You Had Me at Hello-A Day to Remember
Current HP reference: Hermione and Ron's love

:)

so. effing. close.

Hello all!

I have no idea who 'all' is, but whoever decides to read this must love me for putting up with me. I don't mean to complain all the time so here is a positive blog post!

The girls are coming in like TWO days!!!! How is this so close?! I'm so excited to be spending time with them....I just hope that I can control my wallet. Must save money. Rent is due. Ahhh. I hope that this trip for the girls is as amazing as I hope it will be. I really need some more Auburn people here because I've been missing home terribly. There's one other person that I wish could be here....but this is a girl's only trip. :)

Work went pretty well today. I've gotta stop getting used to all these ERs they're trying to give me, so I stayed and did cleaning projects for an hour and a half. My costume must be returned tomorrow. Ewww.

I hope that everyone had as great of a day as I did, because I'm looking on the positive side!

Current song: Fairytale-Sara Bareilles
Current HP reference: Harry's happiest moment in book 3-the hope of living with Sirius!

just wanted to say...

you built all this excitement up in me for the summer and then completely ignored me. i was really happy about having a great summer, just as friends. one wrong move, and summer fun is over.

you have always been like this and i wouldn't expect you to change. you too.

i am soooo glad that i have had time with you again because you are the only person that i can see myself living with after i graduate and come down here full time!!

you were an unexpected surprise to my summer...and i'm not complaining one bit. you made auburn worth coming back to. i'm really happy now.

you completely destroyed my summer. being selfish, not being a friend back, and just making sleep nonexistent in my life. i'm not ok with that.

meevchbsdwcb


let me just say that after this whirlwind of a summer, i'm happy to know that i still have plans to finish something [college] before starting something new [full time work]. i'm happy to know that alabama is not the death bed that i once thought it was, and i'm happy to know that i'll always have paradise to come back to. i am very happy and grateful for this summer, it's just been hit by a lot of roadblocks. let's finish out these last 17 days in style, baby!!!

Current song: Trip on Love-Cruel Intentions soundtrack
Current HP reference: Hermione punching Malfoy in the face

grrrr

when people talk to themselves when you're sitting in the same room, that doesn't mean that i have to answer. that just means that i think you're a little nuts. and annoying.

when people expect you to really care about their problems and then don't care if you have something on your mind, that doesn't mean you're a good friend. that means that i can't share anything with you.

when people disrespect your space and expect you to pick up all the slack, that doesn't mean i'm ok with it. that means that i'm sick and tired of it and want to go home.

Current song: Don't Unplug Me-ALL CAPS
Current HP reference: the Yule Ball

way too many thoughts

Okay, here's to a really ADD blog post! I've got all these thoughts in my head and I really need to get them out there in some way.

First off, my girls are coming to see me in 5 days....5 DAYS!! I hope that we have tons of pictures, videos, screams, meet and greets, and wild fun! Disney with them will be fun, and then we're going to INFINITUS!!!!!!! Harry Potter conferences cannot get any better...oh wait, this is my first one. I might be a noob to being an open nerdfighter, but no one has any IDEA how excited I am to potentially see at least 2 of the 5AG, luke conard, eia, and all the other amazing wrockers!

Second off, I get to wear my amazing new hot pink cocktail-ish dress to the yule ball! I just bought this dress...didn't hate it on me, and now I have found a place to wear it! Call me a girly girl, but it's REALLY exciting to me!

Thirdly, I'm kind of giddy about this boy. He's being so much fun and it makes me really happy that I get to go home in three weeks. Not that I don't love it here in paradise, but I've actually started missing home...for the first time. Ever.

And I think lastly...this summer has been intense. I've worked harder than I've worked in a long time, I have made a ton of new friends, and I've had fun with it most times. It's been tough, and I haven't been to the parks half as much as I've wanted to, but I've been able to do some amazing things with amazing people and I'm really happy about it.

I think I'll post a few pictures. My summer isn't over yet, but these are just a few of the exciting times!

:(

so i rear-ended a guy today. totally thought he had merged when he hadn't. i feel terrible. car accidents are my worst fears and this guy made a huge deal out of it. and i already felt awful about it. it just sucks. it was a great day too, that's the worst part. bri and i got to hang out and go shopping some, which i really needed her for because she can help me look decent in auburn this semester.

god, i love me some bri. she really has made the past week here worthwhile again. i've been in a rut and now i'm socializing and enjoying work and getting to see one of my favorite people ever. i can't wait to be 21 and down here with her because i know that she and i can have fun out and also just still be the best of friends. gahhhh i'm so glad she was with me all day because i couldn't have survived the fender bender without her. she kept me sane and kept me from crying and yelling and freaking out. then we had makeovers and girly time before going to dinner. i really needed that.

so tomorrow is my friday and i can't wait to spend the real friday and saturday out or doing something productive!

Current song: Gravity [live]-Sara Bareilles

again?!

i swear, if it happens one more time i'm really gonna be pissed. you just DON'T turn on the garbage disposal with a roommate sleeping on the couch right next to it. i woke up with a 'what the fuck?!' and said that i'd turn on the disposal if i saw shit in it. this is getting out of control, and i need sleep.

sorry that this is a pissy post but i just woke up and there was no reason to it.

current song: you had me at hello-a day to remember

workworkwork.

Making magic for 12+ hours today. woot.

All I want to do today is sleep. That's it. Can someone make that happen? At the same time, even if I got an ER and came home I wouldn't be able to sleep. And I like having the apartment to myself and that's not going to be the case today. I just hope that I can make a good day out of this dismal-looking one.

Current song: Hey Soul Sister-Train
Current HP reference: Hermione punching Malfoy in the face
Current book: I'm REALLY going to work on french some!!!

alright, serious question

What kind of roommate turns on the garbage disposal at 9am knowing that the other roomie went to bed really late and needs sleep before a work shift from 730p-230a?! I'm sorry....but am I the only one that sees something wrong with that picture? Even Pat called her out on it. I NEED SLEEP! COME ON!!! gahhhhh ok freakout over.

Today I get to hang out with my old Disney roomie, Brianna. I have missed her sooo much and I cannot wait to eat and then see Eclipse with her. You see, this Twilight series might not be great, but it's addicting. Taylor Lautner usually makes the movies worth watching, so I can't wait to see what's going to happen next. They changed from the books, obviously, but if there is kissing and shirts off of the boys...I think I'll survive ;)

In other news, I really miss home. As much as I'm going to miss making the big bucks, I'm tired and I want to sleep in my own bed. I want to have a bedroom. And I want to be able to relax. But this is what I signed up for and even though I don't have any close friends down here I am happy. I am making magic for little ones. And I am going to keep doing that until July 31.

Wish me luck.

Current song: Cayman Islands-Kings of Convenience

blehhh

Today started out pretty terribly. When I went to open my location at work [that I hadn't opened in over a year and a half] it went really badly and I had to open double the amount of things I was supposed to. We were also really busy because people were lined up before we were ready to take orders so I was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. There was no A/C for the morning so i was also sweating bullets.

Today is one of those days were I just want to sit in a ball in a corner and just wait for all the bad stuff to go away. It's also one of those that I think....and when I get my mind going it just gets worse and worse. I also just felt alone today because I didn't get a chance to work with anyone that I was close to so it was a little awkward at work. I'm overdramatizing things in my head, but today is just one of those days.

I need a hug. I need a best friend down here. I think I need a good cry. Is that ok?

Current song: Lay All Your Love On Me-Mamma Mia!: The Movie
Current HP thought: Snape's memory, Book 7 :\

:)

Heading to Epcot for the first time in 8 months. I have no idea why I haven't been there at all yet this summer!

Current song: California Dorks-Jason Munday/Skyway Flyer

so much better

I'm in Fantasyland. False alarm. But I still think that people take for granted when I'm being nice. urgh.

Current song: So Much Better-Legally Blonde: The Musical

vent

Okay so I guess this is my only outlet right now since all of my friends are busy, wouldn't understand, or don't know me well enough to have my full trust. So why not trust a public blog? Yeah...sounds good to me. Great.

Anyways, today I was going to be nice and pick up a friend's shift. I had feelings for this friend and then I guess I did something wrong because I barely get a hello when I see him. Whatever, I'm a girl and I can be too clingy. So I was going to be nice, and then he took that nice-ness to give my time to someone else that I don't really know. So now I have a shift in Toontown that I didn't volunteer for. Call me crazy, but I'm not too pleased about it and I feel like I have the right to say that. I hate being taken for granted, and it happens all the time because I'm gullible, I'm willing to give in, and I can't say no. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of myself. And I have no one to tell about this.

Screw boys, I've been done with them for a while. Screw all of it. I've been watching out for myself lately and I'm fine with that. I have hours, I should be happy. But all I want to do now is sleep tomorrow instead of work. I'm sick of being nice and never getting anything close to a thank you.

Sorry if this is pissy, but I really needed to get that off of my chest.

Current song: Fairytale-Sara Bareilles