sparatic

Sorry I've been so MIA, but college really does make your social networking life go on hold for a while. Now I'm finished for a month and I'm ready to come back full swing! I came back to Alabama, had a couple of really crazy weeks, and am heading back to Florida for some work again in a couple of days. For now, I'm trying to relax which is insanely hard considering I have a family that is constantly begging for my attention. I'm trying to be patient with them since I have a year left with them before I'm hopefully out of the hell hole and on to bigger and brighter things for myself.

So, since this blog is really all about the ramblings of a college student, I've been toying with the idea of making a new blog. Something that suits my interests a little more. This will still be my rant station, of course, but I'd like to expand my horizons and dive in to things like Disney, Harry Potter, fitness, beauty, fashion, cooking, you know...my interests. I'd like to keep that blog a little more positive and leave this for the more informal goings on in my life. How does that sound to you, followers? I ask you guys questions and I never get answers whether they be in real life or on this blog, but I'd really like to know. Would you follow and advertise a new blog of mine if I promised it would be worth your while? Let me know!

For now I'm waiting on a video to upload to YouTube before I head to bed. I've gone to the gym the past two mornings and my body is in pain. I won't be getting much sleep tonight so I'm not sure if I'll be going tomorrow but I'll keep you all posted!! I ran 2.99 and 3.01 miles in 35 minutes for my past two workouts and did some weight machines. My abs have never been so sore, and it feels GREAT!! I'm ready to continue this health craze through to the end of my life. Yes, I'm craving chocolate every day right now, but I'm keeping track of what I eat and hopefully will not be gaining crazy amounts of weight ever again.

I guess I'm going to end this blog for the night. Please let me know about the aforementioned question!! Here's a picture of myself and my old roommate a few nights ago for a happy ending to the blog. I miss that girl!!

Florida!!!

I'm back where I belong!! Florida is amazing as always, and I'm having an awesome time :) I'm visiting Pat but his friend Clint is also in town and yesterday we went to Busch Gardens. One of their friends Dan got me in for free [thank goodness] and the 4 of us had an amazing time. I guess I never really think about Busch Gardens because it's farther away from Orlando, but it was really an amazing place. We ended up riding all the rides that we wanted to, spent a decent portion of the day chilling and having a drink...or 5....and I even got to feed and pet a kangaroo!!!! Kangaroos are my favorite, so I was a happy little kid yesterday. We had a lot of food, a lot of fun, and I ended up passing out before I could even start charging my phone, so that is the sign of a good day!

Today we are heading to Legoland, so I'm sure we won't be there the whole day, but we wanted to check it out just to see what it's like. It's supposed to be geared to kids without many rides, but we'll see!!

angsty ranty grrr-y

I've lived in this apartment for four years. The internet has never been good. I've had water damage in my room the whole time. There is mold behind the sink in the kitchen. Sometimes I can pull the oven out of it's place. This place is a shithole. I'm ready to move out. I have never been able to choose my roommates, I've never had my own living room, and no one ever wants to come over because they feel awkward here. And for good reason. No wonder the rent is so low, because they can treat us like shit and people say we're getting a good deal. I know that I should be grateful, but when I've been sick for months probably because of mold from my water damage, I'm not happy. And I can't afford anything better, so I'm stuck here. If not here, my parents' house, and that can never happen. I'm angsty and I am one class away from getting the hell out of this town. But I don't want to drive down in a bad mood. UGH.

negative November

Okay, so this is only the second day that I've really been negative, but it counts. It's been a long, torturous day, and I'm about to call it quits for the night. I've been critiqued a lot when I already felt terrible about myself, and I've felt horribly alone. You know, one of those days where you can get twenty hugs from people that love you, but it's not from the one person that you really need it from? That's what happened. And the worst part is, I have no idea who that one person is. So that made it worse, feeling utterly alone and without someone that truly cares. I care for other people all the time. I would literally take a bullet for all of my friends. And yet, even though I know a lot of people would do the same for me, there's something different. I want that person that's my best friend and the love of my life. I want the person that can make me happy with just a look. I want to be held in their arms and reassured that I don't have to be strong all the time. That's what I'd like.

I know that at the end of the day [maybe not this one, but most of them] I'm happier being single and free to be myself than I would be attached to someone. I know that being strong for people is my 'thing' and that I'd probably be unhappy if I couldn't be that person. But today was just one of those days where nothing else mattered. I wanted those unknown arms to run in to. I wanted to be comforted by the one person that will be there for the rest of my life, even if I haven't found them yet.

Current song - Just a Kiss - Lady Antebellum

sorry!

I haven't written in a while because I haven't had time!! I went on a nice weekend trip to Montgomery to visit a couple of friends and we ended up having a fantastic time. I definitely want to go back again as soon as I possibly can. I needed to get out of Auburn for a while.

Also, I'm thinking about doing more healthy, beauty type things on my vlog channel. Any ideas from people??

I meant to publish this post last night and then I never did. Now I have some more thoughts on my mind:

I realize that we really are not right for each other. You were right in that regard. I'm focused. I have a plan, I have ideas, I have a goal. I guess I just thought that the attention was more than that. And you are a great person. I just can't be your mommy and you didn't want that either. Either way, my head is back on straight, my life is mine again without my brain thinking about you, and I'm ready to get back on track with my life. I'm putting everything back in order and it feels amazing. And really, why did I falter? Even though I'm still learning about who I am, I am more happy than ever! I have new goals and new achievements to work towards, and nothing's going to stop me this time! Welcome back, happy Kelly! You've been sorely missed!

Current song - literally, no songs in my head...or if there are songs, they're not stuck in my head :)

wait...what?

When did it become Wednesday? Really...I have no idea, I've been thinking today was Tuesday all along...

I took my first day off of running today and my body is almost happy with me again. I might stretch before I go to bed, but I have my next run tomorrow afternoon, so I hope that it goes well!! I'm seriously ready to get this fat off of my body and be hella cute!!


I put a new recipe video up on my personal YouTube channel, you should all check it out if you want yummy biscuit pizzas!!

I also want to announce that I think my drama in life is subsiding a little bit. I'm being rational and facing my decisions head-on. Unhealthy relationships are too hard to manage, so I'm changing them in to healthy relationships. I have to, or else I'd go crazy. There is always a certain amount of 'faking it til you make it' but when it's not necessary in some friendships, you have to be open and communicate. And that is what [I hope] is happening. I just always put my whole heart in to every situation [romantic or not] and I need to feel like some sort of connection is happening.

None of that made any sense, I'm sure. It's been a long day. I really don't have anything eloquent or meaningful to say. I'm excited about my next Design and Makeup projects, I just got two new people to tutor, and lots of things are going on in life. Let's see how they go! For now, it's time to be a good student and read.

Current song - Super Bass - Nicki Minaj

did i even post today?

I don't think I've posted yet today, but now I really do have some things to talk about!!

Today was a pretty great day. Although I didn't do too well on a quiz and don't feel like I did well with my stage makeup today, everything afterwards was great! I went for yet another run today and it felt the best that a run has felt thus far. Kaye and I both agreed that tomorrow would be a good day to not run because our bodies are screaming in protest, but some part of me just wants to keep going, keep pushing myself. What do you guys think? I'd like to keep this routine up and running, no pun intended.

I ended up having a relaxing day because one of my jobs was cancelled for the day. So I went home, took a nice long shower, got to relax, and then decided to do something super fun. I made mini biscuit pizzas for a bunch of people tonight! It's really simple and I think I'm going to upload the video[s] I made about it on my personal YouTube channel tomorrow [www.youtube.com/spiritofatree] and you should definitely check it out! I would show you a picture, but they all disappeared before I had a chance to take one! I still have some biscuits left, but with this health kick I'm in, I'm trying not to eat too many carbs...

Other than that, I went to the store with my mom and got some supplies for my new design project [I'm excited about this one so if it goes well, I'll take a picture of it for you all!] and some supplies for myself/stage makeup. I love taking a makeup class because it gives me an excuse to ask for beauty supplies without my parents wondering if I'm just being a girly materialistic girl.

Basically, today was awesome. I love cooking for people, I love feeling like I have accomplished something, and I love having great friends and great atmospheres in my life. I'm also very glad that I don't have to be on the Season's Greetings costume crew anymore, because I really like my night time and I'm going to be super productive for the rest of the semester. :)

Current song - I Wanna Go - Britney Spears

recap

I actually had a pretty good day so I'd like to tell my lovely blog about it. :)

It's very hard to think that it's only now Monday. It was such a long day. I got through my one torturous class, got paid for a cancelled tutoring session, and did some good studying. I then proceeded to go for another jog with Kaye, and although it was especially tiring, we still felt good about it. I think we're really dedicated. It's very soon to tell, but we both seem to want to make this a long term idea. And it feels amazing to be sore from a workout again. I haven't felt that in months, and I've needed to get in shape for quite some time.

After my workout, I ended up doing a little extra quick walking to get things for a friend and then get myself all the way back home to shower and put on cuter clothes for my voice lesson and the rest of my day. Honestly, I think I've worn four outfits today. Wow. But I went in for my voice lesson and I think I've picked a good song for my Cabaret audition: Shy from Once Upon a Mattress. The best part is that I've sung this song before so I feel pretty comfortable with it already. I would love to be on the stage next semester. I really miss feeling like something is about me. So working out and singing and dancing is a goal right now.

I went to another tutoring session and then headed straight to the theatre for dress rehearsal of our next show. Luckily, we have enough people on the costume crew that I won't need to come back anymore which is FANTASTIC because I really do have a lot of work to do and I'd like to stay on top of things as much as I can this semester so that I can feel good about how this semester went. The show, quick changes, and all around morale went pretty well tonight. I wasn't an emotional wreck, and I even ordered some character shoes in hopes that my audition/dance call for Cabaret goes well! Now I just have to find something fantastic to wear with them for the audition...eek!

Overall, I'm proud of this day. Things are moving along nicely, I feel much more at ease now that I have my nights back [again], and I'm still feeling the motivation to get my body in to nice tip top shape!! I hope that you all are feeling the burn of inspiration, because it feels so good! I'm ready to really be me again, and so far, IT'S WORKING! Look out, world!

Current song - Practically Perfect - Mary Poppins: The Musical soundtrack

neediness

i'm not going to lie...it feels pretty good to be wanted. it also feels pretty good to be needed for help every once in a while. but when someone is dependent on you for everything, or needs you to constantly reiterate the same feelings, things get old.

i've had a few friends that do this. saying 'goodbye' and then seeing them still waving at you and waiting for another goodbye is just annoying. having someone ask you to do mundane tasks that take up a lot of your time because they can't do things themselves is selfish. basically what i'm saying is that i've had to take care of myself a lot over the past seven years. i took care of myself in the high school dorms, in college, at disney world, and everywhere else i've been. yes, sometimes i'm too lazy to get the remote when it's closer to someone, but if something is really going to inconvenience a person i try to get things done on my own. i shouldn't have to be the rock, the mom, or the go-to person for everyone. i should be a friend, a daughter, a sister, etc instead.

sorry for that little tangent. i feel like i'm the mommy here right now and i'm only 21 years old. i shouldn't have this many people depending on me so much. i'm still trying to live my life and do things my way and become and healthier and happier me.

Current song - My Baby Watermelon - Ryan Seiler

quick Sunday morning post

I have to go to work in a few minutes, but I wanted to take some time to write a few things before I got ready for the day. I've had some healthy things going on in my life and since I'm being a positive person, I figured that telling you about my healthy endeavors would be some good positivity for the day!!

Yesterday [I'll be talking about this in my vlog for those of you who are subscribed to both] I knew that a lot of my friends had to be at the theatre all day and I figured that since I had the time, money, and energy to do something good, I would. So my friend Kaye and I made cookies, bought apples and grapes, got some chips and Diet Coke, and headed over to the theatre with some snacks for everyone. The actors got healthy snacks and the techies got nommy snacks. Everyone in that process deserves treats every once in a while. I'm sure I'll be rolling my eyes next week when the divas come out during dress rehearsals and performances [I'm on the costume crew] but for now, it felt good to know that they might smile for someone looking out for them.

Another healthy thing I did was wake up, have some cereal with almond milk, and some grapes for my breakfast. I always forget how delicious healthy food is because I'm usually craving chocolate or chips or something. But I thoroughly enjoy healthy foods and I want to share that side of me. So yay for noms!!

Anyways, this is a short one, but I hope that everyone has a great Sunday and I hope that I can keep my sanity over the next couple of weeks!!

Current song - Shaytards theme song - CallieMoreMusic

so much better!!

This day was made sufficiently better by a few awesome people in my life. I had the BEST heart to heart with my friend Patrick, who is going through a rough time as well, by both of us being super supportive of each other. I then had a pretty good conversation with my friend Clint who I will be seeing in Florida soon! [I'm going to Disney for part of Thanksgiving break, thank goodness] Now I'm off to girl's night with my old roomie, Frances, and we're going to watch Bridesmaids, eat popcorn and ice cream, drink wine, paint nails, and catch up with each other! I cannot tell you how thrilled I am about life at the moment. Drama, I'll save you for later when I have to face you. Give me my life back for a weekend so I can conserve the sanity that I have left!

I hope that you are all having magical nights and I'm sorry that I didn't stay positive for about a day, but everyone needs their time to mope and get over things. I'm sure there will be many more mopey days for me, but I'm proud to be happy and smiling for one of the first times all week! I'll leave you with a picture of me...from Halloween!! It's a big group of everyone that decided to dress as characters from Peter Pan for our party! We have [from left to right] John, Tiger Lily, Michael, Wendy, Captain Hook, Peter Pan, and Nana! Good friends, and I'm so glad we all did that theme! We won second place for the costume contest, so I consider that a success.

Current song - So Much Better - Legally Blonde: The Musical soundtrack

what's the point?

You've haunted my dreams for 4 days. You're a liar, a coward, and still tempting. You turned an independent person in to a blubbering mess. And you just turned in to a hypocrite. I hope you're happy.

Yup, good feelings gone. I'm just going to have to go back to before. I'm putting up my walls again, slowly building that labyrinth so that no one can get in. The armour and mask weren't enough this time. I have to hide behind my walls. I know that someone will break them down again, shattering my world. I'm sure they're the weakest walls ever, because I'm building them when I'm weak, but I need any kind of protection right now. I need to escape, to try to find something worth being happy for again. No one takes the time to learn how to figure out a maze anymore. No one really thinks anything is worth that trouble. So I'll just wait for my labyrinth to be destroyed again, because there really isn't much hope.

Don't hate me for a depressing post. I had the worst night last night and I can't do anything about it.

Current song - Bound To You - Burlesque soundtrack

because, why not?

So as I've told you, this will be a positive month for me. I'm determined. I might be sick, I might be losing my voice, but I WILL PREVAIL!! So here it goes:

I actually had a really good day today anyways. My design professor loved my project today. [seriously, she said it's the best by far this semester] My lit professor said I was on track with my paper. [this is a huge deal because I am the worst paper writer EVER] I got to see my mom for a while because I was being too lazy to do anything...remember, I'm sick. :P And then the kids I watch a couple days a week were pretty good today. And I haven't had to do much more than be a chauffeur for the past 3 weeks and I've still been getting paid. Good deal!

So since I don't have another recipe for you [did any of you like that idea? If you try it, let me know!!] I've decided that I'm going to show you some pictures from my stage makeup class this semester. I'm particularly proud of the accident victim and the Halloween themed makeups. I'll show you pictures from Fantasy day, I'm going to be a siren from TRON: Legacy!!

So here they are:

OLD AGE

beginnings of FAT makeup

preliminary for BRUISES

ACCIDENT VICTIM 

CLOWN

KABUKI

CATS

HALLOWEEN: based off of a Haunted Mansion dancer from Disney's Halloween parade

So there you are! I hope that you enjoy! Let me know which one is your favorite in the comments below!

Current song - (I Won't Say) I'm In Love - Hercules soundtrack

stresses!!!

I have so much to do this week, it's insane. I had 4 pages of a paper due today, I have a project due tomorrow, and another intense research project due on Friday. I am very stressed out, so what do I do? Procrastinate, of course. My room is spit spot spick and spaaaaan. [if you don't get that reference, click here.] I'm doing laundry, surfing the web, and having a wonderful twitter conversation with some friends. But I PROMISE! I'm going to paint for my project right now!!! Never fear!


In other news, I'm sick. I can't stop sniffling and my body is mad at me, but I'm keeping a positive attitude. I have to, because if I don't...well...it'd be bad. But that's a goal for the month, to try to be more positive. I like making small goals. :)

So here is a recipe that I'd really like to try, for your enjoyment:
Homemade Pita Chips
Ingredients:
- pita bread
- olive oil
- garlic salt [or Ranch powder]
- parmesean cheese

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
1) Cut [or tear] pita bread in to chunky pieces.
2) Place pieces on to a cookie sheet or baking pan.
3) Rub a little olive oil on each piece of bread. Sprinkle the garlic salt and parmesean cheese on top of each piece.
4) Put the tray in the oven. Bake for 5-10 minutes.

Enjoy!! Dip them in marinara or another sauce!

irrelevance BALO 31

I'm doing my current Design project on irrelevance. It's for an existentialist play [Waiting for Godot, grr] but it really made me think about relevance and time. Does time even really matter? It's been 21 years since I was born, and I'm still trying to find the relevance to time with my life, and why any of it even matters. I always have this image of me taking my time to do things, but I end up realizing that I'm rushing through life, flitting from one thing to another. And I don't think I know how to slow down...or even if I want to. If I slow down, I'll probably start finding things about myself that I've been trying to hide for a while. I'm not ready for those things to come out yet.

I'm typing this out while I'm in design class and the professor KEEPS TALKING while we're supposed to be working!! I'm so over this class. I'm over a lot of things right now, I just want to escape again. I can see that this professor is trying to push our brains to learn new things, but I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I really want to get through this semester and my last two and just leave. This is one of those times that I just need to escape and get away. I've never wanted to really be here. I'm sure you all know that though.

Sorry that this month has been a depressing month for my blog. Unfortunately, my life hasn't been going that well, and this is my only outlet. I'm ready for a paper journal again so that I can write everything down without anyone seeing. There are some demons that the internet isn't quite ready for yet. So thanks for reading a month of themed posts...it kinda helped me. I want to keep blogging a lot because this is really helping me. I'm not the best writer, but I need to get things out in the open as much as possible.

Current song - Dear John - Taylor Swift

haunted BALO 30

Something is wrong with me. Something has to be. I can't keep walking around thinking that I'm fine when I keep getting left in the dark without an explanation. I just don't understand I guess, and it feels like it's all my fault. What do I do that makes me so repellent? This can't keep happening to me. I need for it to stop. I need to know the truth, all of it. Before I really go crazy. I can't keep being torn apart and deserted like I'm nothing.


...but that's how I feel. Torn apart, alone, and meaningless.

Haunted - Taylor Swift

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
but I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
something keeps me holding on to nothing

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

I know, I know, I just know
You're not gone. You can't be gone. No.

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted

Oh

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break.
Never thought I'd see it...

escape BALO 29

I have this need to escape. I feel suffocated or tortured by things after a while and something makes me want to get out of my routine and do something completely different. If I don't fulfill that urge I start to get in a rut that is really hard to get out of. Well, that is happening right now at least.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a quitter. Far from it. I like to see things to the [sometimes bitter] end. I need communication and closure. Things left undone or unsaid are much more detrimental to me that anyone really realizes.

So, I left my guard down again. Stupid, I know. Dumbest thing I could do. And the worst part is that I know exactly what's happening to me and I have a rational mind about the whole thing. I know why I'm hurting and what led me to where I am right now and yet I still have let it all get this far. And now I'm left rejoicing in tiny victories in my life because the one big thing that's hovering over me is too ominous for me to think about. *sigh* I do this to myself far too often.

Let me ask a question. If I think I know that I could be a good influence and challenge to someone but they have stopped really giving me the time of day, do I even work at it? This is my fine line between seeing something out and escaping. I know that I need to conserve what little sanity I have left over from other lovely experiences, but I feel like this one might be more worth it. I guess I always say that, don't I?

I have a feeling I know what's going to happen. Let's be honest. Who would really want me as a strong part of their life? Not many, I know that much. I try to give a lot to help people but somehow I always end up feeling like I'm insufficient and alone. There I go again...

Current song - Haunted - Taylor Swift

dance BALO 27

Guys, I miss the dance world. I miss grueling practices and hours of physical activity. I miss being able to put on makeup like a champ [actually, that never happened...] and I miss being able to ask advice to any girl around about hair, makeup, dance, etc...and they would all know the answer. I miss pampering my body with both work outs and long hot baths. Basically, I miss feeling like I'm important. I don't get that feeling very often anymore, especially as a stage manager, but also as a friend.

I know what you're going to say. Yes, dance also gave me some problems. Like the fact that I still end up comparing myself to people that I shouldn't be, and that I have an unhealthy obsession with being right at something. I just...I miss that kind of discipline. Dance was [and I guess still is] a huge part of my life and I think I gave up too soon. My body still has more left in it. I want to be pushed again, I want to wake up barely able to walk because of the classes the day before. It might not appeal to many people, but sometimes it reminds me of how alive I am.

I've said it before, if I could have picked anything in life, I picked two of the hardest professions in the world: first dance, then stage managing. Both grueling, both

random BALO 25

This is going to be a nice informal post about my life lately. Last week I was really on top of school and studying and jobs. This week....not so much. I am still fine with jobs and school, I just don't really want to work so hard right now. I'm tired to say the least. Luckily I love a few of my classes and so I'm putting enough energy in to school to keep everything going well.

I went to the store today to get some fake eyelashes for Thursday's stage makeup class so that I can be a siren from TRON: Legacy. Now I'm dying to watch that movie so I can do my research on the character! I want to go all out for this character so I'll be wearing all white [skinny jeans, shirt, and shoes if I can find them] and I'll have my hair in a neat bun. I even painted my nails for it. I'm going to look absolutely like a ghost, but the sirens are supposed to be unreal anyways.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately has been me thinking about how close people in the theatre are. We get in catfights, but really, I could hang out with almost any of the theatre majors and be happy and enjoy my time. I got to hang out with Madeleine and Caroline, two of my good girl friends and it was nice to be able to just chill and be ourselves together. I'm hoping for as much of that in my future as possible.

This weekend I'll be starting Halloween off right by being Michael from Peter Pan [as long as someone helps me find my footie pajamas for the role!!!] along with a bunch of other people! It's going to be really fun, so I hope that it all works out :)

That's basically it for me. I'm having a good day today so I'm going to try to read and/or do a couple more things before I pass out!

Current song - the baby workout song - Franck from Father of the Bride

honor BALO 24

I'm watching Mulan with my roommate right now, and I had completely forgotten about how great this movie is! Although this movie is messed up in so many ways with gender roles [as was ancient China] it has an amazing look at honor. There is so much respect for family and nature that makes me a humble person. Not to mention the fact that the bad guy dies in a fireworks display is amazing. I just love this movie and I definitely don't watch it nearly enough.

This isn't a long blog post tonight. There is a lot going on in my life and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to share yet. We'll leave it off with that.

Current song - You'll Bring Honor to Us All - Mulan Soundtrack

emotions BALO Day 23

It's a good thing I'm pretty good at handling emotional roller coasters, because my life has been one for a while now. I'm handling it so I don't mind, but it's been crazy!

Today I'd like to talk about my emotions on a very touchy subject. It's what started my biggest fear in my life, and it still comes back to haunt me sometimes. I'm talking about the death of my 7th grade dance teacher. I just counted on my fingers and I think that today marks the 10 year anniversary of a wonderful woman's death. She was driving on an icy patch of road to look at land for a new dance studio for the girls she loved when her car skidded, went in to water where she hit her head and drowned while unconscious. I will never forget the day that I found out. I'm not sure if I'm ready to share the story yet, but I think that this day is one of the many reasons why my best friend since second grade is still my best friend. We're each others' guardian angels, and we've always been there for each other. This day was no exception.

To sum it all up, this day is scary. I live a normal life now, not thinking of my teacher every day, but I dedicated my senior choreography performance to her. She is the reason I could manage to live through the sometimes torturous dance school, why I feel at ease in a studio, and why I can still smile with tears in my eyes every time I hear certain songs. She is always my inspiration when I need a boost, and I know she's still with me every day. I don't care how sappy that is, it's how I feel.

So whoever reads this, listen. Take some time to think about someone who can be those things for you. Tell me who it is. If they're still here, give them a call, a hug, anything. Let them know that they are not forgotten. This day is bittersweet and lovely all at the same time.

Current song - I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

confessions BALO 20

I wear huge t shirts to sleep in. I sing in the shower. I hate studying. I love reading. I clean when I'm procrastinating. I take charge when needed, but I really would rather be taken care of. I like chick flicks. I can barely speak French. I have 3 jobs. I have real self-esteem issues. I love my apple products. I love apples...and other fruit. I have way too many clothes. One day, I'd love to travel the world. I get annoyed when people pretend to be stupid but they aren't...it just proves that they are stupid. I'm a daddy's girl. My favorite color is hot pink. My outlet is choreography, reading, and watching movies. I put on a mask every day because people don't like me when they get to know me. I care too much about people that couldn't care less about me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, always. I'm a terrible judge for myself. I have a lot of guy friends. I've recently made a lot of girl friends. I love Disney. I'm learning to sew. I want to cook more. I babysit far too often. I have an addiction to brownies and chocolate. I love Pilot G-2 pens. I really care about my family. I'm trying to eat better. My two biggest fears are car accidents and being fat. I miss being held and it just feeling...right.

There are some fun facts about me. You're welcome. No current song tonight.

maturity BALO 19

So, let's just forget my stupid little freak out yesterday, shall we? Let's talk about maturity and me. Because this blog is about me and my thoughts on things.

I haven't really said this to many people, but I've started realizing something about myself. Every time I find a solid goal to focus on, I realize that it's probably a more challenging choice rather than an easier one. Yes, I'd like to get the easy way on most of my schoolwork, but when I really get invested in to an idea, I see later that it's a tough one and that if I really want it, there will be a lot of work for me to achieve it.

It started with dance. Now, if you don't know me, then you can't picture me. But for those of you who do know me, you know that I am not a prima ballerina body type. I wanted to be for so long, and I did a few stupid things to try to get that way, but I realized that I'm not. I'm still average, plain, and okay at dancing, but I'm not cut out for the classical world.

Then I got in to theatre and realized that stage managing might be of interest to me. Now this idea is still in my mind, so I'm hoping that I'm still cut out for this job, but either way, we'll see.

These two main ideas are things that require a lot of discipline, focus, drive, and passion. I'm not saying that other arts and careers don't require those things, but dance and stage management have proved to be harder than any other thing I've tried. And not many people understand that. I'm constantly having to put on a brave face, pretend like nothing's wrong, and keep everything to myself. I can't vent about things that upset me, I can't throw in the towel just because it's hard. I'm dedicated and stuck with this. I have to see this through.

I'm not a quitter. I don't like things to fizzle out. I get over it, sure, but I like to give things a real dedicated chance. I gave dance a chance, and it's still a huge part of my life. I gave stage management a chance and have been nominated for an award because of it. I try to be good at everything that I do even though I feel shitty at a lot of things that I try. But I'm learning that no one can be perfect. I think an underlying idea in my mind is that I've never felt superior at something. I've never felt like the best. The one that people look up to. Maybe one day I'll find that, but for now, I'll keep searching...

Current song - I'll See Her There - Skyway Flyer

questions BALO 18

I'd like to know a few things. I'd like to know what makes me so unattractive. Why I'm seen to be a great girl to hook up with, but not date. Why there is no future with me, ever. Why it's okay to get me attached and then cut me off.

I'd like to know why I keep letting myself get hurt. Why I'm so irrational about things. Why I'm an idiot. Why everything hurts.

I'd like to know why nothing is good enough. Why, either way, things will end badly for me. Why people use me the way they do.

I'd just like to know why.

Really though. What's wrong with me? I don't even think I care and then I come to find out that I do. Am I too fat? Too ugly? Too self-conscious? Too unattractive? Too mean? Too nice? Too girly? Too stern? What is wrong with me?

Those are just a few of the things I'd like to know.

Current song - Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles

issues BALO 16

The world knows that I have them. And they're all stupid. Why do I act the way I act? I freak out and have panic attacks about things that just don't need to be freaked out about. I speak too soon, I get too excited, I mess shit up, and it's all done.

I have issues with myself. I've been trying to work on them for a while now, and I know that they shouldn't be issues, but I can't help it. I just feel FAT. Guys, don't comment on this. I know what you're going to say. Let me have my moment. I don't feel pretty. I feel terrible. And it's pathetic. I know I'm a decent looking [and decent in general] person, but something inside me isn't convinced.

Some things I need to vent about and then try to forget that I say them. I'm just really upset right now. I'll be fine. Maybe I should take a walk or something. Turn on some music. I'm not sure.

Current song - Don't Tell Me What To Do - The Marvelous Wonderettes

game day BALO 15

I've decided to dub this month BALO instead of BEDO since I'm still posting a lot but not every single day. I have a lot still going on in my life and I keep missing days.

There is something about game days here in Auburn that is both awesome and annoying. See, the thing is, I really love tailgating. I love the atmosphere of gameday. I love being with people and seeing how everyone is doing. What annoys me is now that I want to make money by babysitting instead of actually going to the game, it takes triple the time to get through town because Auburn is not built for major traffic. The family I'm sitting for now live on the way out to the major highway, so it will take them at least 2 hours to get out here. More money for me, I know, but I have people I want to see and a bed in my apartment calling my name.

But I guess when it really comes down to it, I thoroughly enjoy this environment. It's taxing, but it shows how much of a community we have with us here. It shows that my school has pride in something. I wish it had pride in it's theatre department, but where am I? Oh that's right, football central. I'll take what I can get.

Anyways, I'll leave those thoughts here. Since I can't be watching the game right now, and the kids are asleep, I'm going to try to read for school. Like a champ.

Current song - How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You - James Taylor

BEDO 11

well, whoops.

In my defense, it's been a crazy couple of days. I have a lot going on with this new show [we're doing The Marvelous Wonderettes and I'm the wig/costume/makeup supervisor] and I have projects and assignments galore. I wish I could say that I'm on top of everything thus far but I'm really not. So for now, this post is a short one saying that I'm sorry. I hope that you've all been liking my themed posts thus far. I'll be thinking of more always.

Current song - Me, You, and the Dance Floor

traditions BEDO 8

I'm not too crazy on traditions. There are things that my family does for holidays and birthdays that I like, but usually I'm not set on anything too crazy. The thing I'm starting to realize within myself is that I'm starting some little traditions. Whenever some event with friends [getting some lunch, walking to class together] goes well, I like to make it a small routine. I'm sure lots of people are like that, they find little things that work and they keep it happening. What I'm trying to say is that I have my family traditions, but I also enjoy little traditions that I can call my own.

Did you know that it's really hard to concentrate on writing a blog post when you're watching football? This is why I don't watch football much when I'm trying to get things done...it's also really hard to be in a room with meatballs...when you don't eat much meat. Ugh, they stink. A lot. I usually don't mind having meat around, but I guess I always avoid it when I can. For those of you who don't know, I only eat chicken and shellfish. It's been at least 3 years since I've had any other kinds of meat and I have no intention of going back. I feel like meat is not good for my body anymore at this point.

Anyways, this post has been all over the place tonight but I've been distracted by this game. Happy weekend, everyone!

Current song - Auburn fight song

family BEDO 7

Today I started my third job. Okay, well technically I started learning about my new job. I'm picking up 4 kids from their respective schools twice a week and getting them ready for soccer/gymnastics/helping them do their homework. Tonight I went over and sort of re-met the kids. I'd met them over a year ago, but they had obviously forgotten who I was over that time. The parents introduced me to the kids, the house, the routine, everything. After that, they left to give me some time with the kids so that they would be more comfortable around me. The only problem was, they'd been playing all day long and were already tired by the time I got there. Now, really, it wasn't a huge issue. I gave them ice cream, we watched some TV, played some Wii, played Pretty Pretty Princess, and I put them all to bed. One of the girls even fell asleep on the bath mat in the bathroom while I was with the rest of the kids.

I think the best moments were when I had finished putting them all to bed, when I killed a cockroach, and when I got to win the Princess game. I feel like a badass, not gonna lie. I literally put all 4 kids to bed, and they didn't complain. Again, I have to give mad props to the play time they had earlier that wore them out, but still. I did it. I was surprised by how well I handled it all and I think I could maybe handle it for the job. I just hope the twin boys get along better down the road. And I've got to start having more kid-appropriate music in the car. The Book of Mormon soundtrack might not be the best...

Anyways, the point of the post is to talk about families. I've gotten through childhood with my family and I've loved it. I've also always loved seeing how different families relate to one another. Some are really close with their parents, some can't share anything. Some love their moms more, others love their dad. It's great to see the connection and how parents can handle kids and vice versa. I'll keep you all posted on how this job goes.

Current song - Replay

humanity? BEDO Day 6

First of all, may I just say that I now have a 19 year old brother? Nineteen. That's NOT OKAY BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I TOO AM GETTING OLD!!!

Okay, now to the real subject matter tonight.

Tonight, I was required to attend a performance on campus for a class. I grumbled and whined a little because why would I want to take the time out of my day to see something about a subject matter that I'm only studying because my curriculum requires me to? Well, it was required, so I attended...and guess what? I found the performance and the talk-back afterwards not only insightful and invigorating, but it got my mind really racing. I realized that people just don't take the time to step out of their bubbles enough to get in to subject matter that is nitty-gritty. We're always focused on ourselves, our work, our lives. Tonight I was given the chance to open my eyes to pieces of this world that I usually try to forget. I took that chance and my mind ran with it. No, I probably won't be going in to crazy research on the topic, but it really did interest me.

I want to travel, that's always been a given. But especially after seeing the first half of Invictus and watching this show today, I truly want to travel to help people. To play sports with little kids and learn about new cultures. My goal in life has always been just to be able to put a smile on someone's face, and I could do that around the world. I want to try. I'll go with mission trips, I'll go with friends...I just want to go.

I think that so far, these BEDO posts have been more insightful than diary-esque. I'm liking this.

Current song - Raise Your Glass - Pink

friendship BEDO Day 5

I have come to realize more and more how much friends help me through things. Without the friends that I've made throughout my life, it would have been much harder to make it past all the hard times that I've had. I know that it sounds cliché, but these girls and boys are really what have helped make me me over the years.

And I've been a bad friend. I let people slip through my fingers, I accidentally hurt feelings, I've just not been the best person for the people that care about me recently. I have my excuses, but it really comes down to me making the effort. From now on, I'll be a better friend. This blog can be my vow, but as much as I need people's friendship and trust, they need mine too, and they all deserve it, so here it is!

Again, a really short post tonight, but I literally fell asleep in front of my computer and jerked awake to type this. Don't hate me!

Current song - TRON: Legacy soundtrack

peppermint syrup and wine BEDO Day 4

Is it already the fourth day here? Did I miss a day? I feel like I've only written twice before this, but maybe I'm wrong.

Guess who aced her lit midterm?! Yup, this girl, right here! And Madeleine, but I want the limelight for a hot second! You see, I never really ace tests. Sure, I make A's and B's in classes, but it's mainly homework and other supplementary things. Tests aren't so great for me usually. After this lit test, I was feeling pretty good about it, but when he started handing tests back today my stomach was knotting up. When I saw that beloved 92 on my paper I wanted to cry out. I'd done it! I'd finally done something right this semester!!! After basically failing a presentation and doing only average on another midterm [okay, an 88, but I didn't feel amazing about it] I was feeling pretty low after last week. Just check out my vlog from Friday if you don't believe me. But now, after seeing this test, I'm finally starting to see that I might be able to make it out of this semester alive. And to top it all off, the professor complimented me on some points I made in my essay. Um, excuse me, but does he have the wrong girl?! I don't know but I also don't care because finally I made a good point in an essay!

Basically, I'm thrilled to be doing well in that class. I'm really hoping for the rest of the semester to go well, but for now, I'm happy.

Current song - Lovebug - chadwsugg [cover]

the most fun topic ever discussed! BEDO Day 3

Hmm...I sense a little bit of sarcasm in my title for today...

Let's talk about boys. And girls, but let's talk about boys, really.

You see, for about the past year/year and a half, I've had this not-so-strange aversion to dating any male, and for almost the past year, anything more than just plain ole friendship. You see, I finally got up the courage to dump a guy that I had realized was really bad for me. After the last few relationships [official or not] before that one already being disasters, something clicked in my brain. From then on, I've had no interest in really being committed to a guy. I mean, I did basically date this one other guy after that, but again, complete mistake. You see, guys have finally convinced me of how much of an ass they all can be. I have my guy friends that I will always be there for, but the others aren't so lucky. It's funny too, because ever since I realized what I did about boys, there has been a slow trickle of boys talking to me, asking me on dates, etc.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, I digress. Why are boys so unappealing at this time in my life, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I've finally learned that there is no reason to take care of a guy on a romantic/personal level. Again, my guy friends are great, but once they cross that barrier of friendship to potential relationship, something happens. It might be me, it might be the guy, it might be both. I'm not sure. All I know is that not only do I start worrying whether someone is okay and happy to be around me, but the guy also tends to depend on me...a lot. At this point of my life, I shouldn't have to think about another life and their problems unless they will do the same for me. And unfortunately, no guys my age or around it are capable of being in a relationship without a) needing a mommy-like girlfriend to take care of them of b) not giving a crap as to whether or not the girl exists because they just want some arm candy.

I'm a stage manager, I take care of people and their problems all day. I shouldn't have to do that with a guy. If I really need someone, it should be to have that one person that I am allowed to have a bad day around. Someone who will pop in a movie with me to forget the world. Not someone who wants a snack, who wants to know what homework we have, or wants to be unreliable as a human. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't cut out boys completely. I fully intend on having another relationship one day, and I'm sure there will be a few more relationships that aren't amazing. But for now, being happy, free, and independent is all I need. If a guy asks me out and I can feel the chemistry, sure, I'll go out. But I'm not going to go crazy or make something out of nothing. And I'm not going to let myself be treated terribly either. I do a lot, but I expect a little in return. I give out just as much respect as I hope to have. I'm sick of being tormented and teased by little [maturity-wise] boys that only want to be connected to someone via facebook.

I think that subject is what's getting me so riled up about relationships right now. It seems like everyone has this need to be connected to a person just to say that they're dating someone. Or because they're scared that they're missing out on opportunities by not having a significant other. Me, I feel differently. Why waste time with people that you don't really care about or want to be with just to say you're in a relationship when you could be happier and healthier on your own? Why jeopardize sanity for another person? I just don't think it's worth it, people deserve to be happy.

The trickle of guys in my life has been welcome, but very cautiously. My guard is up, my shields will protect me. I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve anymore. I need to save myself from being hurt so badly again. I have a small circle of people that know me well, and they know that a relationship is not in the cards because of how much I've been hurt. Past all those layers, shields, and guards, I'm still a vulnerable little girl, just wanting to be loved. But until someone can take the time and have the curiosity to find their way through the labyrinth that has become me, I just can't handle anything serious. I need some me time to process life.

Current song - Show Me How You Burlesque [Burlesque soundtrack] - I've had it stuck in my head for the past few days!

worthless BEDO Day 2

Today is the end of an era. I have officially finished my stage manager duties for La Bête. I think that I did a decent job, I hope that I did a decent job, and I survived. I honestly don't know how it all happened, but one day I was a stage manager, and now I get to be Kelly.

If you don't know much about stage management, allyou need to know is this:
- It is the most rewarding and fulfilling job anyone [especially in the theatre] that anyone will have to d in their lives.
- It is [arguably] the hardest job in the theatre.
- It's one of those things that makes you enjoy and hate your job at the same time.

Anyways, this is a short post. I've been falling asleep at my computer so much for the past few weeks and tonight has been no exception. I'm hoping to start getting more sleep, but for now, I have to wake up a little earlier tomorrow to actually do my work. Maybe now that this show is over, I'll have time to actually do my homework.

Current song - Adele something or another

BEDO!!

Hi everyone! I'm blogging everyday in October and since I'm about to call the last show of La Bete I thought I'd just post quickly from my phone! I have so many ideas for what I want to write about this month so I hope you guys enjoy!!

Current song-Show Me How You Burlesque

long time no see

Hi blog world!

So I've been thinking all month about doing BEDO...no one else is doing it as far as I know, but I figured I should just be blogging more because it felt good to get those feelings out of my system every day. Does anyone think that I should?

I'm glad that BEDA ended when it did because this month has been KILLER. I have been running around doing everything and I've gotten way behind in school because of the show that I'm SMing. Hopefully October will be a good way for me to catch up since all I'm doing is Wardrobe Mistress for our next show of the semester.

Anyways, this is just a check in blog post to see how the world is doing. We have the preview/last dress rehearsal night for my show tonight and I'm nervous but excited!

Current song - Hero, Pt. 2 - Ministry of Magic

i definitely don't say this enough

I love my family. I've said it many times, but I feel like it's never enough. I'm the independent one of the family, but it's times like these [getting sick and being unable to do a damn thing] that make me remember just how much I love them.

Since I was a baby, I've been a daddy's girl. I can talk to my dad about anything at all and my mom was usually left in the dark for some things. She has noticed it and put up with it all my life. We fought a lot when I was younger, and she still did something miraculous. She let me leave home at the age of 14 to go live at my high school. Any mother that can let a child leave has to be brave and have faith that her child is strong enough to do whatever it is they want to do. And my mom did. She put up with a lot from me, and she still does, I'm sure. Although I have tried to be a better daughter since college started...she deserves it.

Anyways, the one area of parenting that my mom will always trump my dad on is: sickness. It really is that maternal instinct I think, because when I feel sick, the only person I want by my side is my mommy. As soon as I was feeling low, I called her to tell her that I felt terrible. She came over right after work was done and stayed with me to see if there was anything I needed. She checked up on me, made sure I made a doctor's appointment, and tonight she was amazing. Not only did she come over and clean up my room for me [including folding laundry and finding a place for everything that was out of place] but she saw that I didn't want her to leave so she stayed with me and watched a movie. She even brushed and braided my half damp from a bath, half sweaty hair. My mom knows exactly what to do to make me feel better. And I don't tell her enough how much I love her.

I love my mom. She is probably the most amazing woman I will ever be lucky enough to know. I'm so proud to call her my mother because I know she's there for me no matter what. And guess what everyone? I'm going to sleep with a 98.8 degree temperature! Yay!!! I think it was the mommy's touch that made it go down. Let's just hope it stays down.

I would also like to give a special thanks to my Nana today. She brought me a slushie, some more drinks, and took my laundry to her house to do for me. I'm feeling spoiled and am more grateful than they'll ever know. It's times like these that I am lucky enough to have family in town when I'm in college.

[Also, the movie my mom and I watched tonight was 'The King's Speech'. Neither of us had seen it before, and we both ADORED it. British history has always been a small fascination of mine...]

a legit post for the last day of BEDA - Day 31

Well lucky me, I have enough energy to actually write up a real blog post for you guys!

Sorry I've been so MIA lately, but you guys can't imagine how terrible I've felt. I haven't eaten more than 8 french fries over the past 2 days, and I only ate those because they were easy enough to swallow. So let's recap on my past few days:

- We've already been over the whole 'not being able to eat' thing. It hurts soooo much to swallow anything so my body just doesn't hate me for not eating. I've tried to drink cold drinks but it still sucks. I have to be cautious.

- I have had ZERO energy to do anything. I literally have come home for the past two days to take a nap instead of doing my normal SM afternoon activities. I haven't even gone to rehearsal for the past two nights. Basically I feel like a huge failure as a stage manager. It really REALLY sucks.

- I finally went to the doctor yesterday and he said that I tested negative for strep throat which is great, except for the fact that he doesn't know what I have. I'm not allowed to go to school today, but since this is the first time I've been without a fever and have a small amount of energy, I might try to sneak in to rehearsal and run it from the back of the house. We'll see how the day goes and how much Daydrie needs me.

- Yes, you heard right. I woke up this morning without a fever. My back is still achy and I woke up drenched in sweat, but I finally have a small amount of energy. I'm going to try to catch up on SM work, homework, and take as many naps as my body will let me. Oh, and I will and have been drinking lots of fluids. It's when I'm sick that I'm so glad to be around family here. They really have taken care of me and I feel pretty loved. My mom has simply spoiled me [the only time I rely on her the most is when I'm sick and she loves it] my brother has driven me places because I haven't had the strength to walk, my sister brought her puppy over last night, brought me medicine, and watched a movie with me to make me feel better, my grandparents have sent me care packages, and my daddy has sent me his love. I think this year I'm really starting to enjoy Auburn and all that it has for me. Shocker, right? Or maybe it's just me being really grateful for all the sick support I've gotten. But it's thoroughly refreshing to know that I have so many people around to help if I need them.

Anyways, I'm going to try to start catching up on the mounds of homework I have waiting for me. Wish me luck?

Current song - Shaytards theme song
Current cup of water - 1

they don't know what's wrong with me - BEDA Day 30

They took a throat test but until then I have no idea what's wrong with me and I'm supposed to stay home. This is going to suck.

Longer blog once I'm feeling better, promise.

Current song - It Takes Two - Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock

soooo sick - BEDA Day 29

I almost said 'eff it. I'm sick' But I didn't. Alas, I am way too tired and sickly to blog. I have a 101+ degree fever, Farenheit, and I'm freezing. Wish me luck!

Current song - I have no idea.

achy feelings - BEDA Day 29

BEDA is almost over. I think I might have some withdrawals starting already. This month has already been amazing with my blogging and I almost always felt much better after writing. So since I have thoughts to share, here I go!

I feel achy. I need to make a doctor's appointment. I don't have a fever [I've checked twice] but my skin is hot and my body is cold. I don't like this feeling. My back is never comfortable which sucks because I really need to be attentive. Basically, I just feel really lazy. I want to sleep, but I feel like I don't have the time to do that. Also, I was asked about interest in yet another job about being a kind of regular babysitter for a few kids that I adore. I hope she asks me to work, and if not I told her to call on me for any babysitting! I got to visit with her and her kids once at Disney World and they are amazing, so I'd love to sit for them any time!

With this sickness is coming more stress because I have so much to do! I also have to remember to start scheduling fittings, eff. This is turning in to a rant. Ahh!

Anyways, I decided to write this now when I'm alive. I'm seriously considering a nap this afternoon. We'll see.

Current song - Adele Medley - Goot and the boys
Current cup of water - 3

i feel like shit - BEDA Day 28

I'm not allowed to be sick. My body has to survive until October 3rd at the earliest! Doesn't my body understand?! This is not okay! I'm achy, my throat hurts, and I just don't feel like moving. Even typing this blog post takes too much effort and I don't feel like finishing my work! But I must, mustn't I?

I even have to go to church group, although I'm really reconsidering it, because if I don't then that could be really bad for me living here at the church. I'm deeply thinking that it might not be a good idea. I could fall asleep now and not wake til morning...easily. But I have so much work to do. And the end is in sight! Let's just say I'll finish it now and then sleep my worries away! Ha, we'll see how that goes.

Sorry that these posts have been kinda shitty, but thus is my life right now and I don't want to bug people more than I have to. For now, I'm going to somehow make tea without a kettle to see if that helps my voice.

Current song - Firework - Katy Perry
Current cup of water - 5

Again, BEDA, really? Day 27

I guess I just didn't post something correctly, but here's my post.

Today I got a huge sigh of relief when I was told that my grandparents' flight to NYC was cancelled. They were supposed to go on a cruise, but with Hurricane Irene coming, the only way that they could get refunded for the trip was if their flight was cancelled. They even got all the way to Atlanta yesterday morning and finally found out it was cancelled. I'm very relieved to hear that they are safe, but I keep thinking about all my friends on the east coast and I'm just as worried about them.

Again, my 'free Saturday' turned in to a ton of activities and visiting that didn't really help me get any work done. I visited my house, took Madeleine on a driving lesson, visited her house, etc etc. I didn't get back home to do homework until 3:30pm and then I had to go out to Hobby Lobby and get some more Design Aesthetics supplies before it closed because today was my last day to do so. *sigh* I just want to sleep in, not have to do anything, and breathe. That's not going to happen anytime soon.

Current song - The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
Current cup of water - 5

a deep thought? - BEDA Day 26

I had a really great discussion with Madeleine as I was making my video this evening. [WARNING: If you have NOT seen my follwthebutterflies video this week and wish to see it before I have a tiny spoiler, go now!!]

When I was making my video and comparing why I thought Belle was better than Mulan, she had some very opposing views with me and it made me wonder what side other people would take. I said that Belle was much more brave than Mulan because she had no idea what was in store for her while Mulan knew what the consequences could, and probably would, be. Mulan knew exactly what she was walking in to while Belle was risking everything for her father without even knowing what could happen to her.

You see, Madeleine thought that by knowing exactly what was in store for her, it was actually more scary than not knowing. Because Madeleine would start freaking out about it all and over-analyzing things. Whereas I would be more scared of not knowing because having a choice between two terrible things, one known and one unknown, are scary. But I'd probably choose what's known.

I have a few examples:

-First off, if I had the choice between facing a creature in the sea [like an anglerfish from Finding Nemo] or facing whatever is out in space, I'd choose the anglerfish. That way I could decide how to defend myself and get away safely. And I guess Madeleine might choose the unknown because she knows so much about the anglerfish, and there are so many choices of how to go about things, that it scares her even more to try to face it.

-Another example that she and I discussed. Maybe Madeleine would be more scared of facing Voldemort and the Death Eaters because she knows how terrible they are, while I would be more scared of the moment that they started casting spells on Hogwarts' protective bubble, because I'm not sure if it would work or not.

What do you guys think? Are you scared of the known or the unknown? Why? This is something that I've been thinking about for a while and I'd like to hear some opinions.

Current song - Breathe Again - Sara Bareilles
Current cup of water - 8

i legit almost forgot again - BEDA Day 25

Guys, if I had lost THIS LATE IN THE GAME, I would have been pissed. I was watching me some ShayTards tonight in bed and yeah...just realized I needed to type something.

I am literally going delirious. You're all lucky that there's not something called Blog Every Day in September because all you'd be getting is me saying 'omg my life is over i don't have any sleep this is ridiculous holy crap'....yup. That's what you'd get!

So today was crazy, and so crazy in fact that I'm just going to bed. Sorry for the short post, but I'm tired...

Current song - Adele Medley - Alex Goot with two other awesome guys
Current cup of water - 6

earlier post - BEDA Day 24

I decided to go ahead and blog in the middle of the day since I feel like I'll be exhausted after today. Oh wait, I always am.

So I've been trying this whole 'don't snooze your wake up alarm and just start your day' thing and...I failed. I needed that 10 extra minutes of sleep. But I woke up after that and headed to my Design Aesthetics class only to realize that my point project [the one we've been working on for a few days] is MUCH harder than I thought it would be. I have to do layers upon layers of work. Here, I'll show you a picture of what I have done so far:

It's going to kill me but I'm super excited to have it for my own. I just got done with my tutoring for the day and then my other hopeful athlete cancelled today and won't really get with me to schedule times. Grrrrr. I'm headed to the theatre in a few to work on Eli's monologue with him and from there I'll be doing various other theatre work until tonight when it'll be another round of rehearsals. This is already getting stressful for me, so wish me luck!

Current song - The Beauty Is - The Light in the Piazza
Current cup of water - 2, thanks Alabama humidity for sucking the liquid from my body.

phew...BEDA Day 23

Hi everyone! This is a delirious Kelly blog post! I'll just tell you about my day because there's really nothing else to talk about...

I got to wake up way too early on accident and headed to my lit class. We got to discuss some Cinderella [Grimm Brothers version] and some William Blake. That doesn't sound very fun, but it was actually pretty cool. I like the class so far, but we'll see how an english class goes for me... :\

I headed to Stage Makeup after that which ended up being AWESOME for the day because I learned about putting on legit stage makeup and finding my own base. Again, it sounds less thrilling, but I think this class will end up being my favorite.

I had to cancel on the tutoring session planned for today because I had to sit in on measurements but honestly, I am ridiculously excited to see more of the process when it comes to costuming, makeup, and the awesome stuff that comes along with that! I can use both of those skills if I ever work on a cruise ship. :)

Rehearsal went well, sanity is not going well, I have a lot of reading, and I'm exhausted. It's sleep time. Love you all!

Current song - SarahSnitch's end song from her videos
Current cup of water - 4, and I can drink much during rehearsal because I shouldn't pee during it...and I feel really dehydrated...

another day, another stress - BEDA Day 22

Guys, it's day 22. Does that mean I have barely over a week until BEDA is over?! I don't want it to be over! This has been a great way for me to channel my emotions!!!! And I know once September hits I'll be so stressed that I won't have the chance to blog much, but I wish I had longer! This started off as a great way to begin my day and now it's here to end my nights. I honestly don't even know if anyone else has the time to read my rants every day, but it feels great to get things out. I can't share everything that's going on in my life, but you get the main gist of things, and it helps me.

Today went pretty well. Only one class and then a tutoring session with my first girl...and she already knows french. I don't know what I'm going to do with that, but this is a good way to portion off my 1-3 hours prep time since she needs help with grammar. I can find some old workbooks and see what she can work with from there. Hopefully the other students of mine won't be so advanced...that might sound bad, but I don't know if I'll be of any help to this girl. She seems really nice so I hope we end up working well together.

I went to pull some rehearsal props, sit in for some measurements, and then got a chance to catch up with an old friend from freshman year. It was pretty nice because we have a few things in common [we both work at Disney, want to do something for the service industry, him with hospitality, me with entertainment management, etc] so we had a lot to catch up with because we hadn't seen each other in a long time. Hopefully we'll get to hang out more without him wanting something more than friendship from me. I'm not ready nor do I have the time to add a boy to my life. And I told him so. Very vague friends is really all I can handle. That also sounds bad, but until October I just won't have the time to work with.

Rehearsal went well today. It wasn't too crazy in any regard so I got to enjoy myself a little. I got a LOT of work done on my to do list so I think I'm ready for the day tomorrow! Not too much homework yet this early in the semester so I'm really hoping that the courseload doesn't kill me as school gets more in to the swing of things. I swear, Five days of school has felt like 20. This is so much!!

I've actually been so busy that I haven't turned on my TV in over a week. It's another reason that I don't think I'll have cable right when I get done with college and move out on my own. I don't really need it. I have enough to do already, why try to add another distraction? Anyone else ever had the same idea? I'm not really too connected to any shows in particular [So You Think You Can Dance and Glee are my two favorites when I can catch them] so it's never a huge deal if I miss one.

Anyways, bed time. Good night, all! À demain!

Current song - Shatter - OAR
Current cup of water - 4, but I feel very dehydrated....

8:36pm FTW!! BEDA Day 21

I'm posting this before 9pm!!! Yay for Sundays!!! This day actually ended up being pretty damn good considering I was going nonstop for over 10 hours yet again...

I worked in the nursery and literally almost fell asleep with a baby in my arms because I am exhausted. The baby didn't end up falling asleep so I handed him off and got to be the tickle monster for the rest of the kids. Basically, kids are a blast. I have to admit though, most of them were getting cranky and tired by the time their parents came, so I was glad to be done. Then I headed where else, but to the theatre!! I ran a good rehearsal, and I have to keep reminding myself to be assertive. It just kind of hurts my feelings when no one listens to what I have to say. Like I'm not important. Oh wait, most of you don't even know what a stage manager is...hmm....

After rehearsal I stayed at the theatre for a while longer because they were getting ready for auditions, the technical director was checking how my taping of the set went [it was speeeeecial...] and I just didn't feel like I should leave yet. I actually ended up missing a meeting for my tutoring job, but I hope that if I email them I can make it up....eek! I have my first tutoring session tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

After all that mess I went back to the church and helped set up/was the hostess of the greeting area. I'm a pretty personable girl so it was easy to get them to fill out an information form and make a nametag without them thinking I was creepy. :P We ate good food, met a lot of awesome people and had fun. Overall, meeting about 40 new people in two hours was a success!

After that I headed over to see my grandparents and they finished making me a LAPDESK!!! It's really freaking adorable [light blue and white checked on the board and then light yellow felt for the pillow-y part with an eyelet trim around it] and I'm typing this blog whilst using it. Yay for not so hot laps anymore! It's also huge so I'm hoping that I can do a lot with it. I really appreciate the fact that they made this for me...it's better than anything I could have bought from a store. I'm just happy :)

So after a pretty busy day, I'm in bed at 8:43pm. I plan on organizing my room and preparing for the week as much as possible, catching up on youtube, and going to bed EARLY so I can get a good night's sleep. Yay!!!

Current song - Luke Conard's VALA intro song
Current cup of water - 6

Saturday? BEDA Day 20

Oh my goodness. I can't believe how busy I've been! How is today a Saturday??? I don't really get it at all...I went to an SM retreat, caught up with a good old friend, went to a scholarship ceremony, taped out the set for my show, helped paint a locker, got school supplies with my mom, and then hung out with some friends to watch Burlesque. I mean, I'd say it was a good day, but VERY long and still with some stress.

The retreat was great. A safe place to share stories and get new ideas and suggestions on how to handle things.

Seeing Quint, my good friend since high school, was awesome. I rarely get to see him, and talking to him has become a challenge, but it's great. We can pick up where we left off with our friendship with no problems. We literally spent an hour and a half just catching up and venting about issues. :)

The scholarship ceremony was really amazing. It was great knowing that I'm not the only one needing financial help and thriving with that help. I love it!

Taping out the set was...a challenge. My cast is going to think I was on acid or something. We literally ran out of every piece of spike tape we could find...I'll have to deal with it for 3 days...but oh my goodness...

So yeah...I had a great time today. I got to actually see people outside of a professional environment. I'm still exhausted. It's 1:30am and I need sleep before getting up just as early tomorrow morning to work at the nursery. Wish me luck!

Current song - Katy Perry medley - KurtHugoSchneider [that's his youtube name :)]
Current cup of water - 7

i'm still not ready - BEDA Day 19

I've tried to keep on top of things. Really, I have. But when to do lists are never-ending and you're being asked things 50 million times a day it gets kinda hard. I thought I knew what never-ending to do lists were....I had no idea. This is rough, guys. Really rough. I'm basically running on empty in life for a little while. Even my free day, Saturday, has turned in to a hectic day of SM work and seeing a movie. *sigh* and I thought 13 hours would be okay...

Anyways, I ran my first production meeting this morning. It went surprisingly well...I'm happy with it. I'm just ready for this to get easier...but I don't think it will. These blog posts are going to be very short, so just bear with me. Please? I love you?

Current song - Blow - Ke$ha
Current cup of water - 5

again...BEDA Day 18

I've almost forgotten. My life is ridiculous. I was literally at the theatre from 11am-10:30pm doing SM work only for small breaks to eat. I haven't even had time to go shopping for other school supplies and read for a class. I really need to just wake up, read, and prepare myself for the onslaught of the rest of the work I'll have to do that day before rehearsal. Shit. My life. I can't. I just can't even describe right now. I wish I could. So for today...this is what you get. The jumbled mess that is my brain. I'm sorry, but I love you all. I'm going to bed before I rip my hair out..

Current song - Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt [wtf?! i never listen to that!]
Current cup of water - 7 :)

cavities BEDA Day 16

EDIT!! I totally posted this yesterday but it didn't go through!! Thanks for letting me know, Malcolm! I wrote this yesterday so it still counts right? RIGHT?! Ahhhhh!!! Well, enjoy two posts in one day, but this should have been yesterday's!!

I have always prided myself on my teeth. They're not yellow, they're not crooked, and they've never had cavities! Until now. Dun dun duuuuuun! Seriously though, it's true. I have some pretty decent teeth and especially compared to my brother and sister, I have been proud to not have a cavity. Well, my day has arrived. I'm getting a filling today. It shouldn't be bad, but I feel like I've lost something...

Isn't that weird? When the dentist said I'd need a filling, I felt defeated. Like I'd lost the competition finally. You know, the one versus my brother and sister that never really existed? That one. And it got me thinking that sibling rivalries never end. There's always a little spark in your mind to compete and to win against the ones you know the best. It still happens every time I see them. My sister and I work out sometimes on her Wii Fit. My brother and I compete for the remote or for attention. It's crazy. I think the thing that has changed about it is that now that we're all graduated from high school and moving on, we don't fight about it as much. It's finally a friendly competition in our household, which is hilarious because I can't tell you how many times one of us has broken down in tears about something that is completely irrelevant and won't matter in 15 minutes. Sometimes I still get sensitive about certain things, and both my brother and sister have their flaws, but for the first time, I feel like we're growing together and not in spite of each other. And that's a lovely feeling :)

So yes, today my plans are a filling and....seeing Nancy and/or Sarah! I get to celebrate my best friend's birthday!!!

and so it begins...BEDA Day 17

Well, here goes nothing. Here goes a semester of college that might kill me by the end of it, but at the same time I am pretty excited. First day of school, new classes, new friends, new experiences. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time. I think I can do this. I can get my butt to classes and work hard in everything that I do to make a good impression. Most importantly, I can have fun. :) But you don't get the scoop on classes until tomorrow, because I'm writing this at 7:30am before I take my shower and actually start getting ready.

Today is also a very special day because it is my best friend's birthday! Sarah is finally 21 and I'm so excited to go to the bars with her tonight and party it up! This girl has been with me through everything I've ever been through in Auburn. I've known her since the 2nd grade, and ever since then, we've been close. She was one of the two friends I have that actually kept up with me when I moved away to high school in 9th grade, and I know that she'll always have my back. I don't know if she'll read this, but if she does, this is for you. Sarah, I love you and I'm so glad that I have a friend that I can count on and joke with. I hope that your birthday goes well and just know that your guardian angel is there to watch you forever. :)

Honestly, this might be short, but I'll leave it for now. I have a lot to do to get ready!

Current song - I Wanna Go - Britney Spears
Current cup of water - 0 today, but I drank like 7 or 8 yesterday!!

almost forgot...again....BEDA Day 15

This is the second time I've almost forgotten to post and I'm only halfway finished with the month. Guys!! This can't be good! This might mean that I have to post every morning even if it's boring because I'll never have anything to talk about. Ahh!!!

So it's 11pm and I'm sitting in my bed watching all the youtube videos from today and I see Madeleine's VEDA vlog and I was like 'shit I haven't blogged today omg!!!!'....so thanks for that, Madeleine!!

How was my day? Surprisingly busy, but not stressful in the least! Days like these are what makes my summer a great summer. I'm not ready to let it go at all, but the inevitable is approaching and I must sigh and enjoy this last day as much as I can.

So today I woke up too early [as usual. thanks, body] and just surfed the web for a bit until it was time to start getting ready for tutor training. I'm still wearing in my TOMS but the blisters forming on my heels are not very happy with me. Still, the training went well and I'm ready to meet my three athletes and start setting up tutoring schedules!! After that I went back to my apartment and had a meeting with the roomies and the two people that help us out the most, or our 'landlords' I guess. We talked about our duties and I took on the task of being the calendar maker for our chores. Because I don't have enough tasks on my plate...

After that I took my brother and the freshman roomie to Haley to figure out how that building works and even gave them a few room numbers to find on their own. It was great for them because now they know how the most confusing building on campus works. We then walked back to the church and proceeded to hang out. Something these boys really like to do. After all of these shenanigans I did a few things: went textbook shopping with my dad only to find that the majority of things will be at the on-campus bookstore instead of our favorite, went to Wal Mart, went to visit Poppy, had some daddy/daughter time, went to dinner, headed to Sno Biz with my brother, Madeleine, Jennie, Emily, Scott, Daniel, Cody, and Wesley.

Overall, I'd consider this the perfect summer day. I don't want things to end, but my body can tell a change is coming. In my training, my body went in to classroom mode and it just knows....am I ready? I have no idea. Will I make myself be ready? Yes. I can do this! I just don't want to quite yet...but really? Honestly? Who does? Not me!

Current song - I Wanna Go - Britney Spears
Current cup of water - 6 :)

BEDA Day 14

I decided not to blog as soon as I woke up this morning because I knew I'd have more to say once I finished work. :)

Yesterday ended up being very painless. Cody was much easier to move in than anyone else I've ever helped move. I guess that's what happens with three strong guys! We moved his stuff in and proceeded to get his room settled for a while before heading out for a small shopping trip and some lunch. I got my first pair of TOMS and I think I'm a little too excited about them. They're really comfortable and after wearing them for one day, my heels hurt. But I think that's more because I have really soft and uncalloused skin so it's just me being a wimp. I can't wait to wear them every day because they're super comfy and will go with almost anything I want to wear.

After chilling for a while I decided to meet up with Madeleine, Jennie, and Emily for mexican food, shopping, and visiting families. It was really fun, but I don't really know what else to say...so....yay??

Today I woke up and went to work in the nursery and it's always really fun to see the kids. We had a decent amount of babies without being overwhelmed. And no dirty diapers!!! Yayyyy!!! This blog seems really boring today. I'm sorry for the amount of borededness but I don't really have much going on. I'm treasuring my relaxation time for now because I'm scared that there won't be any later...

Current song - Auburn Fight Song
Current cup of water - 3

reflection BEDA Day 13

Guys, I never thought I'd be this girl. You know, the girl in college that has, oh I don't know, THREE JOBS AND FULL TIME SCHOOL AND REHEARSALS EVERY DAY. Ahhhhhh what have I done? I am now TERRIFIED for classes to start because I will literally have no time to spare. Maybe in October once I've finished the show but even then....I'll still have three FREAKING jobs. I'm now working at the church nursery [same job, I love the little kids!] basically every week because there are now only three regular workers and two of them don't need to work every week so that lovely task will be up to me. Next in line is the athletic department tutoring, which I'll be doing french. I'm really excited about that one because french is my favorite language and teaching it isn't too hard for me. The last job, the one I got yesterday, is being a server at Ariccia which is a swanky place at the university's hotel and conference center. I'll be starting as a server's assistant since I've never had any full service experience but hopefully by the time I'm done with the show I'll get to be a full server and work double shifts on Saturdays which means mucho tips!

Now don't get me wrong, if I thought that I really couldn't do this, I wouldn't. And if it gets too overwhelming I can tell one or more jobs that I need to cut back. But for now, I think this could work....maybe. I'm really scared. I actually want all of these jobs because they're good experiences for me, but handling three jobs plus full time school and rehearsals every day is going to be a challenge. Does anyone think that I'm insane? Do you think I can do it?

Moving on, I'm helping one of the new roomies move in today because he's been living with an old youth director of mine and she is happily pregnant!!! I can't wait to see her, and a new roomie is always a fun experience. So many changes in my life are happening, and I'm counting on family and friends to keep me sane whilst I attempt to stay alive throughout this mess!

Until next time

Current song - Whatcha Say - Jason Derulo
Current cup of water - 2

Carpe diem BEDA Day 12

Alright, I'm not gonna lie, I never took Latin. But even I know that 'Carpe diem' means 'seize the day' and I'm thinking of getting some TOMS with that on them. If you don't know what TOMS are, they're [apparently really comfy] shoes that donate a pair of shoes to a child who doesn't have any every time you buy a pair. And I've been dying to have a pair of my own for years. I promised myself that when my scholarship money came in, that would be my only frivolous purchase, and the money came in today so I'm itching to go get some!

Speaking of scholarship money, let me tell you a little about how my day went yesterday. In short, it was a huge rollercoaster of ups and downs. But let's explain the long version:

The day started off like any other. I checked my email and I see that a direct deposit receipt came to my school account. Obviously, this is my scholarship money so I get really excited! $950, here I come! I open up the receipt and see only $551. That's odd, I thought, I know that I don't have a $700 meal plan to pay for, so I should definitely have another $400 on this receipt. So I called my mom and made the decision to call the scholarship office after my interview with a job to be a tutor on campus. I tried to push the money to the back of my mind as I headed inside for my interview, and I guess I was successful because the woman and I had a really nice interview. I got the job! My head was in the clouds because the job seemed much more appealing once she asked me to be a french tutor! I can work anywhere from 4-10 hours a week and I'm excited!

So I got home, waited until the lunch break was over and I called the office. They transferred me two or three times before I finally got an answer. The program that my grandfather got for me when I was a child to cover my tuition is slowly going down and not being recognized by the state any more because it's losing a lot of funding. They told me that the state will only cover the 2010 rates of tuition for me so I had to pay another $400 because of it. I don't mean to whine, but I needed that $400. And I've never been asked to pay for any part of my own schooling. I worked my ass off for the scholarships that I got, and having to pay $300 for food every semester is bad enough, but another $400? That's over half of the scholarship money that I earned, and I'd really like to have it. UGH!!!

So I was still kinda pissy when my sister asked me to come to her house and play Wii Fit to work out a little. I took my frustration out on that game and succeeded in at least laughing again. By the time I left my sister's, I had just enough time to shower and get ready for road trip time with Madeleine to pick up her friend Emily from the Atlanta airport. We didn't even turn on music for the first half of the road trip which is unheard of for Madeleine and I. We had so much to talk about and so we spent an hour and a half talking about everything from moving out for the first time to how money is a life-sucking ASS that needs to go away. Anyways, we made it to the airport, picked up Emily, let her experience Chick Fil A for the first time, and headed on home. It was a great ride and Emily and Madeleine sat in the back seat catching up while I said my two cents worth and tried to make them laugh every once in a while.

So I'm glad that my day ended on a high note, but it had some pretty sour points in there that just peeved me all day long. But today is a new day. I have one more job interview that I am nervous about, but I know that I'll do my best. Now with the tutoring job I'll have less time, but in the end, whatever is meant to be will happen. I'm not going to force anything and lie by saying I have a ton of time to devote, but I'm not going to botch my interview. I want a good name wherever I go, so let's hope for a good interview! Now it's time to go straighten my hair and do something to look cute. It's a rough task!

Current song - Seize the Day - 'Newsies' soundtrack
Current cup of water - 1, this is not very impressive because I always write at the beginning of the day!

BEDA Day 11

Well, now I'm posting at 7am because I'm awake this early and I'm terrified of forgetting to post today. That's the polar opposite, haha.

I have a dentist appointment, an interview that I haven't been given time or place of, and a road trip to and from Atlanta with Madeleine today. It's going to be a busy day, but hopefully I'll come out of it with clean teeth, a job, and a new friend! :)

In other news, my stomach has been hurting randomly since yesterday. Like right now, I'm hunched over in pain. I'm really hoping that it'll be fine for my dentist appointment because it would just be awkward if I told them to stop because my stomach hurts too much. Wish me luck!

I know that this post is boring because I haven't done anything today but I have a back up! An acquaintance of mine, Fredric, expressed interest in a rant that I had once about what guys do and what they should do, so I think I can at least hit a few high points in the blog right now, but let me preface this with the fact that I know not all boys are like this. I know some great guys that do fine without ever showing one of these characteristics to me, and when that happens it's very refreshing.

You see, bloggies, I have this thing about guys. Unfortunately I'm the type to learn through experiencing so I've had a few too many bad experiences with boys. And right around February was when I finally said that I don't need or want a boy in my life romantically because they're just too much stress on me. I've come to find that they need so much or work hard to hurt me, and I'm not ready for that yet. So here we go!

Let's see, what boys do:
-Well there's always the basic lying, cheating, or avoiding a subject because they did wrong.
-They can be standoffish until they need something and then they give you attention.
-On the other side of the spectrum, they can smother you with attention and not give you space to breathe.
-I think in general, guys just feel like they need someone there. The rock, the mommy, call it what you will. They don't like to be alone because they'd rather have someone else take care of the mess.

That's just four things. I'm sure when I'm in a huge ranting mood I could think of more, but this is the rational side of me looking back on memories. Now for what boys should do:
-Instead of lying, cheating, or avoiding a subject, boys should be up front with issues because communication is one of the biggest problems in relationships. With me now especially, lying is a huge betrayal to me. Keeping something from me hurts, and it makes me feel like you don't trust me, so why would you lie to me? Cheating, well, that should be a given. I'm not a play thing that you can pick up whenever you feel like it and then toss away again when I'm not around or become boring. That's disrespectful and shows me you haven't gotten past the 'women are inferior' complex that men have in their brains. Avoiding a subject because you know you've done something wrong is childish. Man up and admit that you've done wrong right off the bat and I'm more likely to forgive you. Don't be a baby.
-With being standoffish, I've had experience. Guys refuse to say they need help, need someone, or really say that they care. Then they realize 'oh hey, I'd better give that girl attention for a little while so she'll stay around' and after a few days of attention they go back to mistreating/ignoring you. It's so confusing for girls when guys do this because we're not sure how real it is for the guy. Do they actually like us? Are we the weird ones for wanting consistency? And then the girl starts wondering if she's an over-analyzing, simpering little freak.
-Smothering. This is something fairly recent in my experience with guys. They like you too much. They want to always talk with you, check in, be by your side. They tell you that you're the only good part of their life. I'm sure you guys are saying 'well that's a fairy tale, a dream come true, right?' that's what I thought too. But you know what? Some times you do need space. You need to remember that you are two separate people that need to work properly on their own in order to work well together. So smothering is not the answer to all of these standoffish men.
-What should guys do about the last problem? GROW UP! Don't date a girl because you need order in your life. Get your own damn life together before trying to find someone. Don't let the girl be either the mommy of the relationship or the only thing that will make you happy. You've got to find a balance, you've got to know who you are. If you find that you're a complete dork and you like to stay in on the weekends, chances are there's a girl just like that. You might just find her one day. If you find that you like to party it up every night of the week, there's a girl for you. Find someone that you could live without, but you enjoy being around no matter what. That girl is worth your time. And once you get her, treat her well. Treat her like she's important without being overbearing or a pushover. Just, enjoy the time you have together.

I'm sorry if this got a little lecture-y, but it's what I feel. Again, this is not all girls' or boys' opinions, it's just what I've learned through experience and talking it over with a few friends.

I hope that everyone has a great day, and now I'm off to the dentist!

Current song - You Are the One - Skyway Flyer
Current cup of water - First cup of the day!