I have to type this quickly so I can get to my homework, but guess who's happy?? THIS KID!! That's right, today's post is not depressing! I know, everyone is just so excited. Let's hear the applause, this girl is smiling today and it's mostly because of a certain dorky side of her.
I'm sure that anyone reading this blog knows that I have been to both Infinitus 2010 and LeakyCon 2011, but I am here to announce this year's geeky con that I'll be attending and obsessing over: USITT 2012!!! This conference is for theatre technicians and it is one of the best opportunities for me to land a job and many amazing contacts on my career path. I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am to be attending and this is why I'm smiling like a fool today! Because my family is basically all pooling in together to help me get out to Long Beach, CA for a week of theatre geekiness on my way to success! I asked many members of my family to give this 'present' to me for my birthday and I'm starting to see the monetary arrangements finally coming together! Not only do I get to go back to California [I fell in love with LA in February] but I get to spend an excused week from classes learning more about the field that I'll be working in....IS THIS SERIOUSLY MY LIFE?!?!
The best part is there are many Disney related and Disney-led sessions that will allow me to see more about the part of the company that I want to be working for. I'm even saving up my own personal money to pay for an extra outing to Disneyland to go behind the scenes. Ahhh!!!
I'm freaking out because I'll be with great people, I'll get to see my two contacts out there in LA, and I already know two of the Disney reps that will be at the conference. Basically, I'm dying. Don't mind me!!
So this was a post to say that after all of the depressing posts I've been putting up recently, I'm finally REALLY EXCITED to be doing something I love! Yay!!!
Someone Like You - Adele
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
too much
This is something that I keep realizing about myself:
I'm too open. I am too carefree. I let people in without even thinking twice. I trust too easily. All of these things mean one thing in the long run, I will never stop getting hurt. By letting anyone and everyone get to know about me, I'm setting myself up for disaster.
Another problem that I have is that I talk too much. When someone says, "hi" all that's needed is a hello back. Not a story about my life or a question about what they think. I jump in to things too quickly, and in the meantime, I allow other people to learn just enough about me to take me for granted. People use me, hurt me, and walk away laughing. I'm never the one left whole. I'm always the one left hurting, because I'm always the one that puts my whole heart in to things.
Being left alone leaves me broken. I get smashed in to a million pieces and get left in ruins until I can barely pick myself back up again and start to rebuild, and I have no idea of how to change. The more guarded I try to be, the less I like myself. I don't want to hide, I want to live. I want people to know who I am and what I like. The thing is, I just don't think people care. They care to an extent, sure, but when I think about it I know that I'm the only one who cares if I feel fat one day, or if my clothes match, or even if I have a smile on my face. I'm the only one who really cares about me, and I just wish that one other person would like me enough to get to know me.
Until then, I have a labyrinth to rebuild. To protect me, to hide me, and to keep me away from the hurt. The only problem is, I'm left alone with only my thoughts...and my thoughts are memories. Memories that haunt me.
I'm too open. I am too carefree. I let people in without even thinking twice. I trust too easily. All of these things mean one thing in the long run, I will never stop getting hurt. By letting anyone and everyone get to know about me, I'm setting myself up for disaster.
Another problem that I have is that I talk too much. When someone says, "hi" all that's needed is a hello back. Not a story about my life or a question about what they think. I jump in to things too quickly, and in the meantime, I allow other people to learn just enough about me to take me for granted. People use me, hurt me, and walk away laughing. I'm never the one left whole. I'm always the one left hurting, because I'm always the one that puts my whole heart in to things.
Being left alone leaves me broken. I get smashed in to a million pieces and get left in ruins until I can barely pick myself back up again and start to rebuild, and I have no idea of how to change. The more guarded I try to be, the less I like myself. I don't want to hide, I want to live. I want people to know who I am and what I like. The thing is, I just don't think people care. They care to an extent, sure, but when I think about it I know that I'm the only one who cares if I feel fat one day, or if my clothes match, or even if I have a smile on my face. I'm the only one who really cares about me, and I just wish that one other person would like me enough to get to know me.
Until then, I have a labyrinth to rebuild. To protect me, to hide me, and to keep me away from the hurt. The only problem is, I'm left alone with only my thoughts...and my thoughts are memories. Memories that haunt me.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
i don't understand
I have this thing about me. You see, I hate giving up. I hate leaving something not knowing that I did everything in my power to do right with whatever I'm leaving. There are very few places, people, and things that I walk away from without looking back or keeping a relationship with. So I guess one of my pet peeves is when people can just say, "Alright, I'm done." and leave it at that. It's not even that it frustrates me, it hurts. It hurts knowing that people really don't put in their best effort to work on a situation, no matter how bad it can be, or how hard it is to work through.
I've had this happen to me multiple times, but I guess since it's happened very recently I feel like I should talk about it. Especially when people can drop all the history, all the experiences, and all of the feelings without caring, that's when it hurts. I guess the negative part of this trait of mine is that I don't let things go. I just really want to get to the root of the problem and fix it.
Maybe one day someone will want to work with me to fix it too, whatever 'it' is.
And now, I get to build myself again. I have to try to put myself back together after letting myself be hurt and taken advantage of time and time again. Here is one opinion, it's much more eloquent than me. This is my goal for a while:
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Bury deep that heart of yours,
conceal it from the pain.
You never know what lies in store
beyond my warm embrace.
Never let them in these walls.
Keep them at arms length.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Behind these walls you’re safe, my world.
Forget his smiling face.
Forgetting my wise words
leads you far from me.
You end up causing pain
to those in which you seek.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Current song - The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
I've had this happen to me multiple times, but I guess since it's happened very recently I feel like I should talk about it. Especially when people can drop all the history, all the experiences, and all of the feelings without caring, that's when it hurts. I guess the negative part of this trait of mine is that I don't let things go. I just really want to get to the root of the problem and fix it.
Maybe one day someone will want to work with me to fix it too, whatever 'it' is.
And now, I get to build myself again. I have to try to put myself back together after letting myself be hurt and taken advantage of time and time again. Here is one opinion, it's much more eloquent than me. This is my goal for a while:
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Bury deep that heart of yours,
conceal it from the pain.
You never know what lies in store
beyond my warm embrace.
Never let them in these walls.
Keep them at arms length.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Behind these walls you’re safe, my world.
Forget his smiling face.
Forgetting my wise words
leads you far from me.
You end up causing pain
to those in which you seek.
Lock yourself away, child;
lock yourself away.
Current song - The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
Monday, January 23, 2012
geography
I'm sitting in geography class, hearing my professor talk about things that have nothing to do with geography. He's kind of an asshole, and it's only the third week of school. He yells to rush us on quizzes, he only makes sports references, and he thinks that he's the shit. He's been funny a few times, but for the most part, he's an ass. Unless you're really good under pressure of people yelling at you, and you enjoy sports all the time, oh, and if you listen to NPR constantly, then you won't do well with him. I'm not a happy camper and I have no idea how I'm going to do in his class. It's very hard to like anything about this, and I thought I liked geography.
It's classes like this that are semi-required that make me really question the education system here. And the tenure system. I'm supremely sick of having shitty professors, shitty classes about subjects that I don't care about, and a not so great GPA because of the shitty classes. I'm so ready to be graduated.
Current song - Mein Herr - Cabaret
It's classes like this that are semi-required that make me really question the education system here. And the tenure system. I'm supremely sick of having shitty professors, shitty classes about subjects that I don't care about, and a not so great GPA because of the shitty classes. I'm so ready to be graduated.
Current song - Mein Herr - Cabaret
Saturday, January 21, 2012
trying to blog again?
I know, I know. It's been quite a while since I've even tried to post here. I haven't felt the need to share every little detail about my life recently because I'm trying this thing where I'm a little more positive. It hasn't worked too much this week, but it's happened as much as I could!
As for my life, nothing is really changed. I did get to take an awesome trip to Disney with some friends that started on Sunday evening at 7pm and ended Tuesday morning at 5am. Yes, ridiculous, I know. I also got my first driving ticket because of it, but I paid it and I'm forgetting about it. Classes in school this semester are going well as long as my drive to get amazing grades do well. I guess the biggest news is that I applied for my diploma and am set to graduate in December. Kind of scary, but mostly thrilling. I have a plan and I can't wait to really get started on it!!
This is a short post, but I wanted to say hi. I have a lot going on, but I'd like to post here more often and since my internet is finnicky, I think this might be the better option at the moment.
Current song - I Got a Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
As for my life, nothing is really changed. I did get to take an awesome trip to Disney with some friends that started on Sunday evening at 7pm and ended Tuesday morning at 5am. Yes, ridiculous, I know. I also got my first driving ticket because of it, but I paid it and I'm forgetting about it. Classes in school this semester are going well as long as my drive to get amazing grades do well. I guess the biggest news is that I applied for my diploma and am set to graduate in December. Kind of scary, but mostly thrilling. I have a plan and I can't wait to really get started on it!!
This is a short post, but I wanted to say hi. I have a lot going on, but I'd like to post here more often and since my internet is finnicky, I think this might be the better option at the moment.
Current song - I Got a Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
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