irrelevance BALO 31

I'm doing my current Design project on irrelevance. It's for an existentialist play [Waiting for Godot, grr] but it really made me think about relevance and time. Does time even really matter? It's been 21 years since I was born, and I'm still trying to find the relevance to time with my life, and why any of it even matters. I always have this image of me taking my time to do things, but I end up realizing that I'm rushing through life, flitting from one thing to another. And I don't think I know how to slow down...or even if I want to. If I slow down, I'll probably start finding things about myself that I've been trying to hide for a while. I'm not ready for those things to come out yet.

I'm typing this out while I'm in design class and the professor KEEPS TALKING while we're supposed to be working!! I'm so over this class. I'm over a lot of things right now, I just want to escape again. I can see that this professor is trying to push our brains to learn new things, but I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I really want to get through this semester and my last two and just leave. This is one of those times that I just need to escape and get away. I've never wanted to really be here. I'm sure you all know that though.

Sorry that this month has been a depressing month for my blog. Unfortunately, my life hasn't been going that well, and this is my only outlet. I'm ready for a paper journal again so that I can write everything down without anyone seeing. There are some demons that the internet isn't quite ready for yet. So thanks for reading a month of themed posts...it kinda helped me. I want to keep blogging a lot because this is really helping me. I'm not the best writer, but I need to get things out in the open as much as possible.

Current song - Dear John - Taylor Swift

haunted BALO 30

Something is wrong with me. Something has to be. I can't keep walking around thinking that I'm fine when I keep getting left in the dark without an explanation. I just don't understand I guess, and it feels like it's all my fault. What do I do that makes me so repellent? This can't keep happening to me. I need for it to stop. I need to know the truth, all of it. Before I really go crazy. I can't keep being torn apart and deserted like I'm nothing.


...but that's how I feel. Torn apart, alone, and meaningless.

Haunted - Taylor Swift

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
but I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
something keeps me holding on to nothing

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

I know, I know, I just know
You're not gone. You can't be gone. No.

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted

Oh

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break.
Never thought I'd see it...

escape BALO 29

I have this need to escape. I feel suffocated or tortured by things after a while and something makes me want to get out of my routine and do something completely different. If I don't fulfill that urge I start to get in a rut that is really hard to get out of. Well, that is happening right now at least.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a quitter. Far from it. I like to see things to the [sometimes bitter] end. I need communication and closure. Things left undone or unsaid are much more detrimental to me that anyone really realizes.

So, I left my guard down again. Stupid, I know. Dumbest thing I could do. And the worst part is that I know exactly what's happening to me and I have a rational mind about the whole thing. I know why I'm hurting and what led me to where I am right now and yet I still have let it all get this far. And now I'm left rejoicing in tiny victories in my life because the one big thing that's hovering over me is too ominous for me to think about. *sigh* I do this to myself far too often.

Let me ask a question. If I think I know that I could be a good influence and challenge to someone but they have stopped really giving me the time of day, do I even work at it? This is my fine line between seeing something out and escaping. I know that I need to conserve what little sanity I have left over from other lovely experiences, but I feel like this one might be more worth it. I guess I always say that, don't I?

I have a feeling I know what's going to happen. Let's be honest. Who would really want me as a strong part of their life? Not many, I know that much. I try to give a lot to help people but somehow I always end up feeling like I'm insufficient and alone. There I go again...

Current song - Haunted - Taylor Swift

dance BALO 27

Guys, I miss the dance world. I miss grueling practices and hours of physical activity. I miss being able to put on makeup like a champ [actually, that never happened...] and I miss being able to ask advice to any girl around about hair, makeup, dance, etc...and they would all know the answer. I miss pampering my body with both work outs and long hot baths. Basically, I miss feeling like I'm important. I don't get that feeling very often anymore, especially as a stage manager, but also as a friend.

I know what you're going to say. Yes, dance also gave me some problems. Like the fact that I still end up comparing myself to people that I shouldn't be, and that I have an unhealthy obsession with being right at something. I just...I miss that kind of discipline. Dance was [and I guess still is] a huge part of my life and I think I gave up too soon. My body still has more left in it. I want to be pushed again, I want to wake up barely able to walk because of the classes the day before. It might not appeal to many people, but sometimes it reminds me of how alive I am.

I've said it before, if I could have picked anything in life, I picked two of the hardest professions in the world: first dance, then stage managing. Both grueling, both

random BALO 25

This is going to be a nice informal post about my life lately. Last week I was really on top of school and studying and jobs. This week....not so much. I am still fine with jobs and school, I just don't really want to work so hard right now. I'm tired to say the least. Luckily I love a few of my classes and so I'm putting enough energy in to school to keep everything going well.

I went to the store today to get some fake eyelashes for Thursday's stage makeup class so that I can be a siren from TRON: Legacy. Now I'm dying to watch that movie so I can do my research on the character! I want to go all out for this character so I'll be wearing all white [skinny jeans, shirt, and shoes if I can find them] and I'll have my hair in a neat bun. I even painted my nails for it. I'm going to look absolutely like a ghost, but the sirens are supposed to be unreal anyways.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately has been me thinking about how close people in the theatre are. We get in catfights, but really, I could hang out with almost any of the theatre majors and be happy and enjoy my time. I got to hang out with Madeleine and Caroline, two of my good girl friends and it was nice to be able to just chill and be ourselves together. I'm hoping for as much of that in my future as possible.

This weekend I'll be starting Halloween off right by being Michael from Peter Pan [as long as someone helps me find my footie pajamas for the role!!!] along with a bunch of other people! It's going to be really fun, so I hope that it all works out :)

That's basically it for me. I'm having a good day today so I'm going to try to read and/or do a couple more things before I pass out!

Current song - the baby workout song - Franck from Father of the Bride

honor BALO 24

I'm watching Mulan with my roommate right now, and I had completely forgotten about how great this movie is! Although this movie is messed up in so many ways with gender roles [as was ancient China] it has an amazing look at honor. There is so much respect for family and nature that makes me a humble person. Not to mention the fact that the bad guy dies in a fireworks display is amazing. I just love this movie and I definitely don't watch it nearly enough.

This isn't a long blog post tonight. There is a lot going on in my life and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to share yet. We'll leave it off with that.

Current song - You'll Bring Honor to Us All - Mulan Soundtrack

emotions BALO Day 23

It's a good thing I'm pretty good at handling emotional roller coasters, because my life has been one for a while now. I'm handling it so I don't mind, but it's been crazy!

Today I'd like to talk about my emotions on a very touchy subject. It's what started my biggest fear in my life, and it still comes back to haunt me sometimes. I'm talking about the death of my 7th grade dance teacher. I just counted on my fingers and I think that today marks the 10 year anniversary of a wonderful woman's death. She was driving on an icy patch of road to look at land for a new dance studio for the girls she loved when her car skidded, went in to water where she hit her head and drowned while unconscious. I will never forget the day that I found out. I'm not sure if I'm ready to share the story yet, but I think that this day is one of the many reasons why my best friend since second grade is still my best friend. We're each others' guardian angels, and we've always been there for each other. This day was no exception.

To sum it all up, this day is scary. I live a normal life now, not thinking of my teacher every day, but I dedicated my senior choreography performance to her. She is the reason I could manage to live through the sometimes torturous dance school, why I feel at ease in a studio, and why I can still smile with tears in my eyes every time I hear certain songs. She is always my inspiration when I need a boost, and I know she's still with me every day. I don't care how sappy that is, it's how I feel.

So whoever reads this, listen. Take some time to think about someone who can be those things for you. Tell me who it is. If they're still here, give them a call, a hug, anything. Let them know that they are not forgotten. This day is bittersweet and lovely all at the same time.

Current song - I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

confessions BALO 20

I wear huge t shirts to sleep in. I sing in the shower. I hate studying. I love reading. I clean when I'm procrastinating. I take charge when needed, but I really would rather be taken care of. I like chick flicks. I can barely speak French. I have 3 jobs. I have real self-esteem issues. I love my apple products. I love apples...and other fruit. I have way too many clothes. One day, I'd love to travel the world. I get annoyed when people pretend to be stupid but they aren't...it just proves that they are stupid. I'm a daddy's girl. My favorite color is hot pink. My outlet is choreography, reading, and watching movies. I put on a mask every day because people don't like me when they get to know me. I care too much about people that couldn't care less about me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, always. I'm a terrible judge for myself. I have a lot of guy friends. I've recently made a lot of girl friends. I love Disney. I'm learning to sew. I want to cook more. I babysit far too often. I have an addiction to brownies and chocolate. I love Pilot G-2 pens. I really care about my family. I'm trying to eat better. My two biggest fears are car accidents and being fat. I miss being held and it just feeling...right.

There are some fun facts about me. You're welcome. No current song tonight.

maturity BALO 19

So, let's just forget my stupid little freak out yesterday, shall we? Let's talk about maturity and me. Because this blog is about me and my thoughts on things.

I haven't really said this to many people, but I've started realizing something about myself. Every time I find a solid goal to focus on, I realize that it's probably a more challenging choice rather than an easier one. Yes, I'd like to get the easy way on most of my schoolwork, but when I really get invested in to an idea, I see later that it's a tough one and that if I really want it, there will be a lot of work for me to achieve it.

It started with dance. Now, if you don't know me, then you can't picture me. But for those of you who do know me, you know that I am not a prima ballerina body type. I wanted to be for so long, and I did a few stupid things to try to get that way, but I realized that I'm not. I'm still average, plain, and okay at dancing, but I'm not cut out for the classical world.

Then I got in to theatre and realized that stage managing might be of interest to me. Now this idea is still in my mind, so I'm hoping that I'm still cut out for this job, but either way, we'll see.

These two main ideas are things that require a lot of discipline, focus, drive, and passion. I'm not saying that other arts and careers don't require those things, but dance and stage management have proved to be harder than any other thing I've tried. And not many people understand that. I'm constantly having to put on a brave face, pretend like nothing's wrong, and keep everything to myself. I can't vent about things that upset me, I can't throw in the towel just because it's hard. I'm dedicated and stuck with this. I have to see this through.

I'm not a quitter. I don't like things to fizzle out. I get over it, sure, but I like to give things a real dedicated chance. I gave dance a chance, and it's still a huge part of my life. I gave stage management a chance and have been nominated for an award because of it. I try to be good at everything that I do even though I feel shitty at a lot of things that I try. But I'm learning that no one can be perfect. I think an underlying idea in my mind is that I've never felt superior at something. I've never felt like the best. The one that people look up to. Maybe one day I'll find that, but for now, I'll keep searching...

Current song - I'll See Her There - Skyway Flyer

questions BALO 18

I'd like to know a few things. I'd like to know what makes me so unattractive. Why I'm seen to be a great girl to hook up with, but not date. Why there is no future with me, ever. Why it's okay to get me attached and then cut me off.

I'd like to know why I keep letting myself get hurt. Why I'm so irrational about things. Why I'm an idiot. Why everything hurts.

I'd like to know why nothing is good enough. Why, either way, things will end badly for me. Why people use me the way they do.

I'd just like to know why.

Really though. What's wrong with me? I don't even think I care and then I come to find out that I do. Am I too fat? Too ugly? Too self-conscious? Too unattractive? Too mean? Too nice? Too girly? Too stern? What is wrong with me?

Those are just a few of the things I'd like to know.

Current song - Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles

issues BALO 16

The world knows that I have them. And they're all stupid. Why do I act the way I act? I freak out and have panic attacks about things that just don't need to be freaked out about. I speak too soon, I get too excited, I mess shit up, and it's all done.

I have issues with myself. I've been trying to work on them for a while now, and I know that they shouldn't be issues, but I can't help it. I just feel FAT. Guys, don't comment on this. I know what you're going to say. Let me have my moment. I don't feel pretty. I feel terrible. And it's pathetic. I know I'm a decent looking [and decent in general] person, but something inside me isn't convinced.

Some things I need to vent about and then try to forget that I say them. I'm just really upset right now. I'll be fine. Maybe I should take a walk or something. Turn on some music. I'm not sure.

Current song - Don't Tell Me What To Do - The Marvelous Wonderettes

game day BALO 15

I've decided to dub this month BALO instead of BEDO since I'm still posting a lot but not every single day. I have a lot still going on in my life and I keep missing days.

There is something about game days here in Auburn that is both awesome and annoying. See, the thing is, I really love tailgating. I love the atmosphere of gameday. I love being with people and seeing how everyone is doing. What annoys me is now that I want to make money by babysitting instead of actually going to the game, it takes triple the time to get through town because Auburn is not built for major traffic. The family I'm sitting for now live on the way out to the major highway, so it will take them at least 2 hours to get out here. More money for me, I know, but I have people I want to see and a bed in my apartment calling my name.

But I guess when it really comes down to it, I thoroughly enjoy this environment. It's taxing, but it shows how much of a community we have with us here. It shows that my school has pride in something. I wish it had pride in it's theatre department, but where am I? Oh that's right, football central. I'll take what I can get.

Anyways, I'll leave those thoughts here. Since I can't be watching the game right now, and the kids are asleep, I'm going to try to read for school. Like a champ.

Current song - How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You - James Taylor

BEDO 11

well, whoops.

In my defense, it's been a crazy couple of days. I have a lot going on with this new show [we're doing The Marvelous Wonderettes and I'm the wig/costume/makeup supervisor] and I have projects and assignments galore. I wish I could say that I'm on top of everything thus far but I'm really not. So for now, this post is a short one saying that I'm sorry. I hope that you've all been liking my themed posts thus far. I'll be thinking of more always.

Current song - Me, You, and the Dance Floor

traditions BEDO 8

I'm not too crazy on traditions. There are things that my family does for holidays and birthdays that I like, but usually I'm not set on anything too crazy. The thing I'm starting to realize within myself is that I'm starting some little traditions. Whenever some event with friends [getting some lunch, walking to class together] goes well, I like to make it a small routine. I'm sure lots of people are like that, they find little things that work and they keep it happening. What I'm trying to say is that I have my family traditions, but I also enjoy little traditions that I can call my own.

Did you know that it's really hard to concentrate on writing a blog post when you're watching football? This is why I don't watch football much when I'm trying to get things done...it's also really hard to be in a room with meatballs...when you don't eat much meat. Ugh, they stink. A lot. I usually don't mind having meat around, but I guess I always avoid it when I can. For those of you who don't know, I only eat chicken and shellfish. It's been at least 3 years since I've had any other kinds of meat and I have no intention of going back. I feel like meat is not good for my body anymore at this point.

Anyways, this post has been all over the place tonight but I've been distracted by this game. Happy weekend, everyone!

Current song - Auburn fight song

family BEDO 7

Today I started my third job. Okay, well technically I started learning about my new job. I'm picking up 4 kids from their respective schools twice a week and getting them ready for soccer/gymnastics/helping them do their homework. Tonight I went over and sort of re-met the kids. I'd met them over a year ago, but they had obviously forgotten who I was over that time. The parents introduced me to the kids, the house, the routine, everything. After that, they left to give me some time with the kids so that they would be more comfortable around me. The only problem was, they'd been playing all day long and were already tired by the time I got there. Now, really, it wasn't a huge issue. I gave them ice cream, we watched some TV, played some Wii, played Pretty Pretty Princess, and I put them all to bed. One of the girls even fell asleep on the bath mat in the bathroom while I was with the rest of the kids.

I think the best moments were when I had finished putting them all to bed, when I killed a cockroach, and when I got to win the Princess game. I feel like a badass, not gonna lie. I literally put all 4 kids to bed, and they didn't complain. Again, I have to give mad props to the play time they had earlier that wore them out, but still. I did it. I was surprised by how well I handled it all and I think I could maybe handle it for the job. I just hope the twin boys get along better down the road. And I've got to start having more kid-appropriate music in the car. The Book of Mormon soundtrack might not be the best...

Anyways, the point of the post is to talk about families. I've gotten through childhood with my family and I've loved it. I've also always loved seeing how different families relate to one another. Some are really close with their parents, some can't share anything. Some love their moms more, others love their dad. It's great to see the connection and how parents can handle kids and vice versa. I'll keep you all posted on how this job goes.

Current song - Replay

humanity? BEDO Day 6

First of all, may I just say that I now have a 19 year old brother? Nineteen. That's NOT OKAY BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I TOO AM GETTING OLD!!!

Okay, now to the real subject matter tonight.

Tonight, I was required to attend a performance on campus for a class. I grumbled and whined a little because why would I want to take the time out of my day to see something about a subject matter that I'm only studying because my curriculum requires me to? Well, it was required, so I attended...and guess what? I found the performance and the talk-back afterwards not only insightful and invigorating, but it got my mind really racing. I realized that people just don't take the time to step out of their bubbles enough to get in to subject matter that is nitty-gritty. We're always focused on ourselves, our work, our lives. Tonight I was given the chance to open my eyes to pieces of this world that I usually try to forget. I took that chance and my mind ran with it. No, I probably won't be going in to crazy research on the topic, but it really did interest me.

I want to travel, that's always been a given. But especially after seeing the first half of Invictus and watching this show today, I truly want to travel to help people. To play sports with little kids and learn about new cultures. My goal in life has always been just to be able to put a smile on someone's face, and I could do that around the world. I want to try. I'll go with mission trips, I'll go with friends...I just want to go.

I think that so far, these BEDO posts have been more insightful than diary-esque. I'm liking this.

Current song - Raise Your Glass - Pink

friendship BEDO Day 5

I have come to realize more and more how much friends help me through things. Without the friends that I've made throughout my life, it would have been much harder to make it past all the hard times that I've had. I know that it sounds cliché, but these girls and boys are really what have helped make me me over the years.

And I've been a bad friend. I let people slip through my fingers, I accidentally hurt feelings, I've just not been the best person for the people that care about me recently. I have my excuses, but it really comes down to me making the effort. From now on, I'll be a better friend. This blog can be my vow, but as much as I need people's friendship and trust, they need mine too, and they all deserve it, so here it is!

Again, a really short post tonight, but I literally fell asleep in front of my computer and jerked awake to type this. Don't hate me!

Current song - TRON: Legacy soundtrack

peppermint syrup and wine BEDO Day 4

Is it already the fourth day here? Did I miss a day? I feel like I've only written twice before this, but maybe I'm wrong.

Guess who aced her lit midterm?! Yup, this girl, right here! And Madeleine, but I want the limelight for a hot second! You see, I never really ace tests. Sure, I make A's and B's in classes, but it's mainly homework and other supplementary things. Tests aren't so great for me usually. After this lit test, I was feeling pretty good about it, but when he started handing tests back today my stomach was knotting up. When I saw that beloved 92 on my paper I wanted to cry out. I'd done it! I'd finally done something right this semester!!! After basically failing a presentation and doing only average on another midterm [okay, an 88, but I didn't feel amazing about it] I was feeling pretty low after last week. Just check out my vlog from Friday if you don't believe me. But now, after seeing this test, I'm finally starting to see that I might be able to make it out of this semester alive. And to top it all off, the professor complimented me on some points I made in my essay. Um, excuse me, but does he have the wrong girl?! I don't know but I also don't care because finally I made a good point in an essay!

Basically, I'm thrilled to be doing well in that class. I'm really hoping for the rest of the semester to go well, but for now, I'm happy.

Current song - Lovebug - chadwsugg [cover]

the most fun topic ever discussed! BEDO Day 3

Hmm...I sense a little bit of sarcasm in my title for today...

Let's talk about boys. And girls, but let's talk about boys, really.

You see, for about the past year/year and a half, I've had this not-so-strange aversion to dating any male, and for almost the past year, anything more than just plain ole friendship. You see, I finally got up the courage to dump a guy that I had realized was really bad for me. After the last few relationships [official or not] before that one already being disasters, something clicked in my brain. From then on, I've had no interest in really being committed to a guy. I mean, I did basically date this one other guy after that, but again, complete mistake. You see, guys have finally convinced me of how much of an ass they all can be. I have my guy friends that I will always be there for, but the others aren't so lucky. It's funny too, because ever since I realized what I did about boys, there has been a slow trickle of boys talking to me, asking me on dates, etc.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, I digress. Why are boys so unappealing at this time in my life, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I've finally learned that there is no reason to take care of a guy on a romantic/personal level. Again, my guy friends are great, but once they cross that barrier of friendship to potential relationship, something happens. It might be me, it might be the guy, it might be both. I'm not sure. All I know is that not only do I start worrying whether someone is okay and happy to be around me, but the guy also tends to depend on me...a lot. At this point of my life, I shouldn't have to think about another life and their problems unless they will do the same for me. And unfortunately, no guys my age or around it are capable of being in a relationship without a) needing a mommy-like girlfriend to take care of them of b) not giving a crap as to whether or not the girl exists because they just want some arm candy.

I'm a stage manager, I take care of people and their problems all day. I shouldn't have to do that with a guy. If I really need someone, it should be to have that one person that I am allowed to have a bad day around. Someone who will pop in a movie with me to forget the world. Not someone who wants a snack, who wants to know what homework we have, or wants to be unreliable as a human. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't cut out boys completely. I fully intend on having another relationship one day, and I'm sure there will be a few more relationships that aren't amazing. But for now, being happy, free, and independent is all I need. If a guy asks me out and I can feel the chemistry, sure, I'll go out. But I'm not going to go crazy or make something out of nothing. And I'm not going to let myself be treated terribly either. I do a lot, but I expect a little in return. I give out just as much respect as I hope to have. I'm sick of being tormented and teased by little [maturity-wise] boys that only want to be connected to someone via facebook.

I think that subject is what's getting me so riled up about relationships right now. It seems like everyone has this need to be connected to a person just to say that they're dating someone. Or because they're scared that they're missing out on opportunities by not having a significant other. Me, I feel differently. Why waste time with people that you don't really care about or want to be with just to say you're in a relationship when you could be happier and healthier on your own? Why jeopardize sanity for another person? I just don't think it's worth it, people deserve to be happy.

The trickle of guys in my life has been welcome, but very cautiously. My guard is up, my shields will protect me. I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve anymore. I need to save myself from being hurt so badly again. I have a small circle of people that know me well, and they know that a relationship is not in the cards because of how much I've been hurt. Past all those layers, shields, and guards, I'm still a vulnerable little girl, just wanting to be loved. But until someone can take the time and have the curiosity to find their way through the labyrinth that has become me, I just can't handle anything serious. I need some me time to process life.

Current song - Show Me How You Burlesque [Burlesque soundtrack] - I've had it stuck in my head for the past few days!

worthless BEDO Day 2

Today is the end of an era. I have officially finished my stage manager duties for La Bête. I think that I did a decent job, I hope that I did a decent job, and I survived. I honestly don't know how it all happened, but one day I was a stage manager, and now I get to be Kelly.

If you don't know much about stage management, allyou need to know is this:
- It is the most rewarding and fulfilling job anyone [especially in the theatre] that anyone will have to d in their lives.
- It is [arguably] the hardest job in the theatre.
- It's one of those things that makes you enjoy and hate your job at the same time.

Anyways, this is a short post. I've been falling asleep at my computer so much for the past few weeks and tonight has been no exception. I'm hoping to start getting more sleep, but for now, I have to wake up a little earlier tomorrow to actually do my work. Maybe now that this show is over, I'll have time to actually do my homework.

Current song - Adele something or another

BEDO!!

Hi everyone! I'm blogging everyday in October and since I'm about to call the last show of La Bete I thought I'd just post quickly from my phone! I have so many ideas for what I want to write about this month so I hope you guys enjoy!!

Current song-Show Me How You Burlesque