Florida!!!

I'm back where I belong!! Florida is amazing as always, and I'm having an awesome time :) I'm visiting Pat but his friend Clint is also in town and yesterday we went to Busch Gardens. One of their friends Dan got me in for free [thank goodness] and the 4 of us had an amazing time. I guess I never really think about Busch Gardens because it's farther away from Orlando, but it was really an amazing place. We ended up riding all the rides that we wanted to, spent a decent portion of the day chilling and having a drink...or 5....and I even got to feed and pet a kangaroo!!!! Kangaroos are my favorite, so I was a happy little kid yesterday. We had a lot of food, a lot of fun, and I ended up passing out before I could even start charging my phone, so that is the sign of a good day!

Today we are heading to Legoland, so I'm sure we won't be there the whole day, but we wanted to check it out just to see what it's like. It's supposed to be geared to kids without many rides, but we'll see!!

angsty ranty grrr-y

I've lived in this apartment for four years. The internet has never been good. I've had water damage in my room the whole time. There is mold behind the sink in the kitchen. Sometimes I can pull the oven out of it's place. This place is a shithole. I'm ready to move out. I have never been able to choose my roommates, I've never had my own living room, and no one ever wants to come over because they feel awkward here. And for good reason. No wonder the rent is so low, because they can treat us like shit and people say we're getting a good deal. I know that I should be grateful, but when I've been sick for months probably because of mold from my water damage, I'm not happy. And I can't afford anything better, so I'm stuck here. If not here, my parents' house, and that can never happen. I'm angsty and I am one class away from getting the hell out of this town. But I don't want to drive down in a bad mood. UGH.

negative November

Okay, so this is only the second day that I've really been negative, but it counts. It's been a long, torturous day, and I'm about to call it quits for the night. I've been critiqued a lot when I already felt terrible about myself, and I've felt horribly alone. You know, one of those days where you can get twenty hugs from people that love you, but it's not from the one person that you really need it from? That's what happened. And the worst part is, I have no idea who that one person is. So that made it worse, feeling utterly alone and without someone that truly cares. I care for other people all the time. I would literally take a bullet for all of my friends. And yet, even though I know a lot of people would do the same for me, there's something different. I want that person that's my best friend and the love of my life. I want the person that can make me happy with just a look. I want to be held in their arms and reassured that I don't have to be strong all the time. That's what I'd like.

I know that at the end of the day [maybe not this one, but most of them] I'm happier being single and free to be myself than I would be attached to someone. I know that being strong for people is my 'thing' and that I'd probably be unhappy if I couldn't be that person. But today was just one of those days where nothing else mattered. I wanted those unknown arms to run in to. I wanted to be comforted by the one person that will be there for the rest of my life, even if I haven't found them yet.

Current song - Just a Kiss - Lady Antebellum

sorry!

I haven't written in a while because I haven't had time!! I went on a nice weekend trip to Montgomery to visit a couple of friends and we ended up having a fantastic time. I definitely want to go back again as soon as I possibly can. I needed to get out of Auburn for a while.

Also, I'm thinking about doing more healthy, beauty type things on my vlog channel. Any ideas from people??

I meant to publish this post last night and then I never did. Now I have some more thoughts on my mind:

I realize that we really are not right for each other. You were right in that regard. I'm focused. I have a plan, I have ideas, I have a goal. I guess I just thought that the attention was more than that. And you are a great person. I just can't be your mommy and you didn't want that either. Either way, my head is back on straight, my life is mine again without my brain thinking about you, and I'm ready to get back on track with my life. I'm putting everything back in order and it feels amazing. And really, why did I falter? Even though I'm still learning about who I am, I am more happy than ever! I have new goals and new achievements to work towards, and nothing's going to stop me this time! Welcome back, happy Kelly! You've been sorely missed!

Current song - literally, no songs in my head...or if there are songs, they're not stuck in my head :)

wait...what?

When did it become Wednesday? Really...I have no idea, I've been thinking today was Tuesday all along...

I took my first day off of running today and my body is almost happy with me again. I might stretch before I go to bed, but I have my next run tomorrow afternoon, so I hope that it goes well!! I'm seriously ready to get this fat off of my body and be hella cute!!


I put a new recipe video up on my personal YouTube channel, you should all check it out if you want yummy biscuit pizzas!!

I also want to announce that I think my drama in life is subsiding a little bit. I'm being rational and facing my decisions head-on. Unhealthy relationships are too hard to manage, so I'm changing them in to healthy relationships. I have to, or else I'd go crazy. There is always a certain amount of 'faking it til you make it' but when it's not necessary in some friendships, you have to be open and communicate. And that is what [I hope] is happening. I just always put my whole heart in to every situation [romantic or not] and I need to feel like some sort of connection is happening.

None of that made any sense, I'm sure. It's been a long day. I really don't have anything eloquent or meaningful to say. I'm excited about my next Design and Makeup projects, I just got two new people to tutor, and lots of things are going on in life. Let's see how they go! For now, it's time to be a good student and read.

Current song - Super Bass - Nicki Minaj

did i even post today?

I don't think I've posted yet today, but now I really do have some things to talk about!!

Today was a pretty great day. Although I didn't do too well on a quiz and don't feel like I did well with my stage makeup today, everything afterwards was great! I went for yet another run today and it felt the best that a run has felt thus far. Kaye and I both agreed that tomorrow would be a good day to not run because our bodies are screaming in protest, but some part of me just wants to keep going, keep pushing myself. What do you guys think? I'd like to keep this routine up and running, no pun intended.

I ended up having a relaxing day because one of my jobs was cancelled for the day. So I went home, took a nice long shower, got to relax, and then decided to do something super fun. I made mini biscuit pizzas for a bunch of people tonight! It's really simple and I think I'm going to upload the video[s] I made about it on my personal YouTube channel tomorrow [www.youtube.com/spiritofatree] and you should definitely check it out! I would show you a picture, but they all disappeared before I had a chance to take one! I still have some biscuits left, but with this health kick I'm in, I'm trying not to eat too many carbs...

Other than that, I went to the store with my mom and got some supplies for my new design project [I'm excited about this one so if it goes well, I'll take a picture of it for you all!] and some supplies for myself/stage makeup. I love taking a makeup class because it gives me an excuse to ask for beauty supplies without my parents wondering if I'm just being a girly materialistic girl.

Basically, today was awesome. I love cooking for people, I love feeling like I have accomplished something, and I love having great friends and great atmospheres in my life. I'm also very glad that I don't have to be on the Season's Greetings costume crew anymore, because I really like my night time and I'm going to be super productive for the rest of the semester. :)

Current song - I Wanna Go - Britney Spears

recap

I actually had a pretty good day so I'd like to tell my lovely blog about it. :)

It's very hard to think that it's only now Monday. It was such a long day. I got through my one torturous class, got paid for a cancelled tutoring session, and did some good studying. I then proceeded to go for another jog with Kaye, and although it was especially tiring, we still felt good about it. I think we're really dedicated. It's very soon to tell, but we both seem to want to make this a long term idea. And it feels amazing to be sore from a workout again. I haven't felt that in months, and I've needed to get in shape for quite some time.

After my workout, I ended up doing a little extra quick walking to get things for a friend and then get myself all the way back home to shower and put on cuter clothes for my voice lesson and the rest of my day. Honestly, I think I've worn four outfits today. Wow. But I went in for my voice lesson and I think I've picked a good song for my Cabaret audition: Shy from Once Upon a Mattress. The best part is that I've sung this song before so I feel pretty comfortable with it already. I would love to be on the stage next semester. I really miss feeling like something is about me. So working out and singing and dancing is a goal right now.

I went to another tutoring session and then headed straight to the theatre for dress rehearsal of our next show. Luckily, we have enough people on the costume crew that I won't need to come back anymore which is FANTASTIC because I really do have a lot of work to do and I'd like to stay on top of things as much as I can this semester so that I can feel good about how this semester went. The show, quick changes, and all around morale went pretty well tonight. I wasn't an emotional wreck, and I even ordered some character shoes in hopes that my audition/dance call for Cabaret goes well! Now I just have to find something fantastic to wear with them for the audition...eek!

Overall, I'm proud of this day. Things are moving along nicely, I feel much more at ease now that I have my nights back [again], and I'm still feeling the motivation to get my body in to nice tip top shape!! I hope that you all are feeling the burn of inspiration, because it feels so good! I'm ready to really be me again, and so far, IT'S WORKING! Look out, world!

Current song - Practically Perfect - Mary Poppins: The Musical soundtrack

neediness

i'm not going to lie...it feels pretty good to be wanted. it also feels pretty good to be needed for help every once in a while. but when someone is dependent on you for everything, or needs you to constantly reiterate the same feelings, things get old.

i've had a few friends that do this. saying 'goodbye' and then seeing them still waving at you and waiting for another goodbye is just annoying. having someone ask you to do mundane tasks that take up a lot of your time because they can't do things themselves is selfish. basically what i'm saying is that i've had to take care of myself a lot over the past seven years. i took care of myself in the high school dorms, in college, at disney world, and everywhere else i've been. yes, sometimes i'm too lazy to get the remote when it's closer to someone, but if something is really going to inconvenience a person i try to get things done on my own. i shouldn't have to be the rock, the mom, or the go-to person for everyone. i should be a friend, a daughter, a sister, etc instead.

sorry for that little tangent. i feel like i'm the mommy here right now and i'm only 21 years old. i shouldn't have this many people depending on me so much. i'm still trying to live my life and do things my way and become and healthier and happier me.

Current song - My Baby Watermelon - Ryan Seiler

quick Sunday morning post

I have to go to work in a few minutes, but I wanted to take some time to write a few things before I got ready for the day. I've had some healthy things going on in my life and since I'm being a positive person, I figured that telling you about my healthy endeavors would be some good positivity for the day!!

Yesterday [I'll be talking about this in my vlog for those of you who are subscribed to both] I knew that a lot of my friends had to be at the theatre all day and I figured that since I had the time, money, and energy to do something good, I would. So my friend Kaye and I made cookies, bought apples and grapes, got some chips and Diet Coke, and headed over to the theatre with some snacks for everyone. The actors got healthy snacks and the techies got nommy snacks. Everyone in that process deserves treats every once in a while. I'm sure I'll be rolling my eyes next week when the divas come out during dress rehearsals and performances [I'm on the costume crew] but for now, it felt good to know that they might smile for someone looking out for them.

Another healthy thing I did was wake up, have some cereal with almond milk, and some grapes for my breakfast. I always forget how delicious healthy food is because I'm usually craving chocolate or chips or something. But I thoroughly enjoy healthy foods and I want to share that side of me. So yay for noms!!

Anyways, this is a short one, but I hope that everyone has a great Sunday and I hope that I can keep my sanity over the next couple of weeks!!

Current song - Shaytards theme song - CallieMoreMusic

so much better!!

This day was made sufficiently better by a few awesome people in my life. I had the BEST heart to heart with my friend Patrick, who is going through a rough time as well, by both of us being super supportive of each other. I then had a pretty good conversation with my friend Clint who I will be seeing in Florida soon! [I'm going to Disney for part of Thanksgiving break, thank goodness] Now I'm off to girl's night with my old roomie, Frances, and we're going to watch Bridesmaids, eat popcorn and ice cream, drink wine, paint nails, and catch up with each other! I cannot tell you how thrilled I am about life at the moment. Drama, I'll save you for later when I have to face you. Give me my life back for a weekend so I can conserve the sanity that I have left!

I hope that you are all having magical nights and I'm sorry that I didn't stay positive for about a day, but everyone needs their time to mope and get over things. I'm sure there will be many more mopey days for me, but I'm proud to be happy and smiling for one of the first times all week! I'll leave you with a picture of me...from Halloween!! It's a big group of everyone that decided to dress as characters from Peter Pan for our party! We have [from left to right] John, Tiger Lily, Michael, Wendy, Captain Hook, Peter Pan, and Nana! Good friends, and I'm so glad we all did that theme! We won second place for the costume contest, so I consider that a success.

Current song - So Much Better - Legally Blonde: The Musical soundtrack

what's the point?

You've haunted my dreams for 4 days. You're a liar, a coward, and still tempting. You turned an independent person in to a blubbering mess. And you just turned in to a hypocrite. I hope you're happy.

Yup, good feelings gone. I'm just going to have to go back to before. I'm putting up my walls again, slowly building that labyrinth so that no one can get in. The armour and mask weren't enough this time. I have to hide behind my walls. I know that someone will break them down again, shattering my world. I'm sure they're the weakest walls ever, because I'm building them when I'm weak, but I need any kind of protection right now. I need to escape, to try to find something worth being happy for again. No one takes the time to learn how to figure out a maze anymore. No one really thinks anything is worth that trouble. So I'll just wait for my labyrinth to be destroyed again, because there really isn't much hope.

Don't hate me for a depressing post. I had the worst night last night and I can't do anything about it.

Current song - Bound To You - Burlesque soundtrack

because, why not?

So as I've told you, this will be a positive month for me. I'm determined. I might be sick, I might be losing my voice, but I WILL PREVAIL!! So here it goes:

I actually had a really good day today anyways. My design professor loved my project today. [seriously, she said it's the best by far this semester] My lit professor said I was on track with my paper. [this is a huge deal because I am the worst paper writer EVER] I got to see my mom for a while because I was being too lazy to do anything...remember, I'm sick. :P And then the kids I watch a couple days a week were pretty good today. And I haven't had to do much more than be a chauffeur for the past 3 weeks and I've still been getting paid. Good deal!

So since I don't have another recipe for you [did any of you like that idea? If you try it, let me know!!] I've decided that I'm going to show you some pictures from my stage makeup class this semester. I'm particularly proud of the accident victim and the Halloween themed makeups. I'll show you pictures from Fantasy day, I'm going to be a siren from TRON: Legacy!!

So here they are:

OLD AGE

beginnings of FAT makeup

preliminary for BRUISES

ACCIDENT VICTIM 

CLOWN

KABUKI

CATS

HALLOWEEN: based off of a Haunted Mansion dancer from Disney's Halloween parade

So there you are! I hope that you enjoy! Let me know which one is your favorite in the comments below!

Current song - (I Won't Say) I'm In Love - Hercules soundtrack

stresses!!!

I have so much to do this week, it's insane. I had 4 pages of a paper due today, I have a project due tomorrow, and another intense research project due on Friday. I am very stressed out, so what do I do? Procrastinate, of course. My room is spit spot spick and spaaaaan. [if you don't get that reference, click here.] I'm doing laundry, surfing the web, and having a wonderful twitter conversation with some friends. But I PROMISE! I'm going to paint for my project right now!!! Never fear!


In other news, I'm sick. I can't stop sniffling and my body is mad at me, but I'm keeping a positive attitude. I have to, because if I don't...well...it'd be bad. But that's a goal for the month, to try to be more positive. I like making small goals. :)

So here is a recipe that I'd really like to try, for your enjoyment:
Homemade Pita Chips
Ingredients:
- pita bread
- olive oil
- garlic salt [or Ranch powder]
- parmesean cheese

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
1) Cut [or tear] pita bread in to chunky pieces.
2) Place pieces on to a cookie sheet or baking pan.
3) Rub a little olive oil on each piece of bread. Sprinkle the garlic salt and parmesean cheese on top of each piece.
4) Put the tray in the oven. Bake for 5-10 minutes.

Enjoy!! Dip them in marinara or another sauce!