confessions

I used to be the kind of girl that was up for anything. Well, except for trying certain foods. I'd challenge myself constantly, I'd watch any movie you asked me to. Basically, I was a badass. Nowadays I find myself in my own little fantasy world. Not that I'm complaining, but as many comments as I've had on it lately...I feel the need to confess a little bit about who I am now.

I've turned into a girly girl. I'm not hung up on the latest trends and fashions, but I like to look cute [when I have the energy for it] and I have absolutely no problem with being told that I look nice by people. I like to sing along with boy or girl parts of songs, and the songs I listen to are crazier than most people's tastes. No, I'm not talking about heavy metal or gangsta rap....I'm talking about wizard rock and nerdfighter songs.

I'm also a nerd. Not in the making straight A's way, although I'm doing pretty well in school, but in the way that I'd rather be holed up with my computer than out partying the night away. I'd rather read or watch a movie instead of going bar-hopping and getting wasted. But I also have crazy ambitions [like traveling a LOT, taking road trips, and meeting amazing new people as much as I can]. I'm not a hermit, but there are [many] times that I need to be alone, just to think. I like being with my friends, and I have a TON of best friends. I'm a pretty open person and it's nice to share anything and everything with so many people. This also means that I don't really have much of a filter when it comes to introducing myself and here in the Deep South I get a lot of crazy looks for some of the things I say. This also means that with such an open heart to almost anyone, I also get hurt pretty easily. I'm either full throttle and high speed ahead, or I'm in my own little corner at a dead end. Not depressed....just.....thinking.

I like to be a good person/friend/leader whenever I can, but sometimes I need some attention as well. There are times when I'd jump off of a cliff if it would help someone become a better person, but then there are other times when I want the world to only pay attention to me and nothing else.

I can be a crazy outgoing person with my beliefs, but I still hold on to some traditional views. I like to be an equal partner in relationships usually, but I don't mind if the guy is bringing in more dough than me, or wants to protect me from harm. Sometimes boys are meant to do things that girls aren't, and that's okay with me. But I'm not going to force a guy to only do things with me, or make a guy only have the same interests as me. I like to compromise, and I like natural, easygoing guys that will like me for all the crazy that I am. I, in turn, will roll with the punches and do my best to be the best person I can be for a guy. I'm totally willing to change, to be the perfect girl....as long as he is too. The problem with me and guys is that I usually freak them out and send them running as fast and as far away from me as possible.

Over the past few years, I've become more and more obsessed with Disney. That's never a bad thing, but I've also become obsessed with happily ever afters and I will admit that now it is very hard for me to watch a movie without a happy ending. I've basically turned into a baby. There are the rare exceptions when I will go out on a limb and watch a suspense or action flick, but I'd much rather have something that will show me what a happy life is.

What this blog post comes to is this: I've grown up [and down, in some ways] a lot. I'm still learning who I am, and I know that there will be even bigger changes ahead for me, and I am totally fine with that. I'm a happy person who just wants to love and be loved in return. I'm not that different from other people. I like who I am, and I like the people that I have close to me. I hope you guys enjoy me too.

Current song: Round and Round-Selena Gomez
Current HP reference: Harry with the Resurrection Stone
Current book: Theatre Histories- An Introduction

sooo busy

Hey everyone,

So I've been meaning to write for a while, but I have been VERY busy. What with all my classes, rehearsals, and trying to find time to sleep....let's just say there aren't enough hours in the day. And to top it all off, I'm still coughing up a storm and feeling sick-ish, my best friend is in the hospital, and people are constantly asking for my attention.

Let's see...what to talk about? I guess I'll go in order:
Classes-well....a few of them are jokes, but I still have to study a lot on my own. I'm trying to keep up with all the coursework and understand the things that I didn't get in class, but the more I study, the more I feel like a hermit, and I just don't like that feeling. It's nice to have a class like jazz where I get to have my outlet and dance for an hour+ a couple of times a week. Still, I feel like I'm a drone. Just getting to classes, sitting there, and walking to the next one. And I hate feeling like that because I love learning and I want to be excited about all the classes I'm taking.

Rehearsal: They're actually going pretty well. The director is letting us out early a little bit, so we get the opportunity to go home before ungodly hours of the night. I was sent home a couple of nights ago because I felt terrible, but other than that they're actually going pretty well. The show is creepy, but the characters are hilarious. I can't wait to be able to see more and more of the rehearsal process while trying to get ready for my audition next week [eek!]

Sleep: Well, you see, what had happened was....yeah. I have no time to sleep. Even with getting out of rehearsal early I still find myself with tons of things to do both before and after rehearsal. It's probably the biggest reason why I've been sick for so long, but I can't get much more sleep than what I've been getting unless I want to fail college. And I really REALLY don't want to fail college. So I'm sleep deprived which makes me sleepy, which makes me feel like a drone in classes, which makes me not so happy....it's an ongoing cycle.

Sick: So I've been sick for over a week now. When I say sick, I mean that I'm coughing a lot, but the coughing doesn't help whatever my throat needed me to cough for. My throat is killing me and I sound like a man when I talk. It's pretty gross. I have a voice lesson tomorrow and I have no idea how I'm going to get feeling better enough to really sing. I haven't belted all week, like she forbade me to do. [which sucks, btw, because I LOVE belting] We'll see how she feels about me still not going to the doctor this week. :\

Sarah: So....I went to bed at 915pm when I was kicked out of rehearsal a couple of days ago and when I woke up, I had an awesome [not] voicemail from my best friend Sarah telling me that she was in the hospital and that she wanted to see me. What?! [btw, I just sneezed three times.....why am I sneezing so much?! urgh sickness!!] So today I rush over there after my classes [and a shower] and find her looking so sad and weak. Her veins had collapsed because of how dehydrated she'd become since she got back to the US. Are you kidding me?! So they had an IV in her and she said she was feeling better, but she still was very tired and VERY weak. It seemed as though just going to the bathroom took a ton of her energy. The good thing is she's gotten her appetite back. But she's missing her first week of college, she can't eat anything until they figure out what's wrong with her, and she's stuck in bed without many visitors. I got to see her for about an hour and I hope that she's feeling better and better, but it's just a long process and the earliest she'll leave for Furman is this weekend.

People: Well, I told you that I hate feeling like a drone. So no matter how much I have on my plate, I have the urge to be at least somewhat social. My friends want to hang out so I visit them. I might take homework, but at least I feel like I'm interacting with them. Sad, right? I know, but if I want to get anything done, I have to do about 3 things at once. There's just so much to be done and without my nighttimes to do all the extra studying, I am already swamped. And it's only the first full week of classes!

So there's my life in a nutshell right now. I like writing it all out. For now, I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Current song: Supernova
Current HP reference: studying for the OWLs
Current book: Biology

downfall...

so....maybe it's the stress. maybe it's all weighing down on me. maybe i just need to try to let it all go.

i'm not feelin' it tonight. the normal bright and bubbly me. i'm just not. and it hit me pretty fast. something inside of me just wants to curl up and know that everything will always be okay. but tonight is one of those nights that i know my life isn't a fairytale. i know it's not going to end up exactly the way i want it to. and it sucks.

first of all, i know that life is about compromise and working with others. i have no problem with that. but again, my dad was right in saying that i'm always either 100% into something or it just doesn't appeal to me. i need that drive in my life, i need that inspiration to keep me going. and lately....well....it's all just fizzled out. yeah, i'm having a great time in college having awesome friends and an awesome family that loves me. i know i'm luckier than half of the people i know. but...it's not that i'm missing anything...it's that i'm at one of those stagnant parts of life. no matter how much i overwork myself to keep going i still know that i'm in a transition phase of life. i've grown up a lot while in college, but i know that there's so much more to go. my dad also says that i never want to be in the present, i'm always thinking about the next step and the future of things. well, that's true. i can't help it. i've had a whole summer of living 'in the moment' or, if you want the boring way of saying it, living day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.

i don't even know what spurred all of this right now, but i knew it needed to be out of my system and into someone's ears. well, maybe someone's mind...i have no idea. all i know is transition time stinks, but i have to still try to live in the moment and take in everything that comes my way. that's the only way i'll learn and live and love. right?

current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry
current HP reference: harry getting rejected by cho
current book: Theatre Histories-An Introduction

a little pet peeve and a little blog

So....just to rant for a minute. I'm a pretty fun person. I like to have a good time, I like to be around people. I really like making new friends and having new experiences. But sometimes I just need some 'me' time. That leaves me with two clashing sides of my personality. Usually when I'm on a break from school I can let my hair down and have a little more fun than during the school year. Well, this summer was no exception. I worked hard, and then when I got home I played hard. Too hard, in fact, because now some of my friends seem to think that it's the only side of me that I have. I've just explained that I love to have a good time, but once school hits, I really need to focus. So I might be a party pooper, I might never say 'yes' to going to parties or clubs, but I promise I still like having fun! It's just that once the school year starts, I have to remember that partying needs to go to the back burner while I focus on school.

So a roommate kept asking me if I wanted to go to an on-campus block party. Yes, I'd love to, but I'd be too focused on the school work that would be waiting for me here in my apartment. So she asked again, and I said "I'd love to but since I don't have to be at rehearsal I'd rather just get this homework done with before I go out". She rolled her eyes and finished getting ready. A few minutes ago she called down the hallway and said, "Last chance to come with us!" and when I replied with another no I could hear her sigh and could imagine her rolling her eyes at me before slamming out of the door. And that, my dear readers, is what irks me more than anything. Unlike some people, I really cannot afford [money and time-wise] to go out constantly and go party or play with people. When I have a schedule and a plan, I'll be as fun as I can during those activities. But until I'm finished with my lists of things to do that take priority over leisure activities, I'm pretty solid in saying no. Call me a nerd, a dork, a homebody. That's what I am when school starts. And if you can't handle that...then, well.....you'll either have to get used to it or find other people to go out with. I'm sorry.

Actually, I'm not sorry. I've done pretty damn well for myself over the past year, and I want to keep it up. I want to do well. I make time for fun, and I have a great time when I'm out. Do not try to guilt-trip me in to anything, I know better. I was a guilt-trip queen before I got a conscience and started being nice to people.


Alright, rant done. Now on to the past day. Last night we had our scene and costume design presentations for our show and so far it seems to be pretty cool. Building a rake for the stage is going to be tons of work, but as long as I get an A in the class, I have no problem with sweating my ass of for 4 hours a week. Then we had a read-through of the show and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't wait to get started with the full rehearsal process.

This morning I woke up and went to french class. Again, it was stressful, but if I can study hard I think I'll understand most of it. I'm also seriously considering studying abroad next summer to a) finish up my french minor and b) to have the time of my life in Europe. I came home from french feeling exhilarated and wrote back to my french friend Roobens. I ended up trying to work on some assignments in Frances' room [see? I can socialize and get jobs done!] and then had to head over to our local 'healthy supermarket', Earthfare, for some yummy granola and other healthy groceries.

After some lunch with a cannoli for dessert [yum!] I headed over to my voice lesson. Now, I've been dreading this lesson all day because my voice has been slowly deteriorating over the course of the past week, and my voice teacher knew that. We ended up working out which songs I'll be singing this semester and trying to help my voice out a little. I am hereby banned from belting any songs for the next seven days so that my voice will rest and not over-stress itself. Kathleen also ended up telling me that the notes I sang in my mix were very clear, and I was very proud, if I do say so myself. :)

I came home and had another attempt at my numerous readings due next week. I finished 'Trojan Women' but was too afraid to write the first post for the class. I'm not scholarly in my writing at all so the first post is a very intimidating spot for me. I'll jump on the bandwagon of entries on Sunday, when they're due, but you all heard me first! I finished that play on Friday!

Then the whole mess of me not wanting to go to the block party happened and I needed to rant to all of you lovely readers [yes, all....one of you...two? I don't know]. I am now thinking that a change of subject to study is what I need to keep trucking through all of this work to be done. For now, wish me luck as I leave the world of Theatre History and begin the studies of Biology. Eek!

Current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry [seriously in love with it]
Current HP reference: going to Herbology, any book
Current book: Theatre Histories-An Introduction

the second first day

Good morning....

So today is the second 'first day' of classes. I get to go to Jazz, Biology, and work. Today we also start rehearsals for 'The Birthday Party' and I'll begin my nightly appearances as the Assistant Stage Manager. Who's excited? I'm excited to see the show go up, but I'm already worried about the work level that will be involved in my Theatre History class [let's call it TH for short].

Yesterday brought a lot of fun times although a few things about yesterday frightened me.

-after not speaking much french at all this summer, my 2020 professor decided to only speak french to us. I understood most of it, but when it was my chance to speak I basically froze and tried my best to do a mediocre job. *sigh*
-as I was already nervous about TH, I soon learned that all my fears were correct. I already have to read 70 pages from our textbook and outline them as well as read 'Trojan Women' and do a post and a quiz on it. All due by Monday. This cannot be good for my stress levels
-I realized that my throat is sore and that my glands are swollen. I have my first voice lesson on Friday. This can only mean bad things.
-after seeing just all of these things on my schedule, I'm worried that the added stress of rehearsals is just going to kill me.

Well....at least I know that I tried to start with a positive attitude. Last night I re-wrote my TH notes and began reading 'Trojan Women'. I'm going to attempt to finish it today and start deciding on what to post, although I think there is a prompt. Then I get to start reading and outlining my TH textbook. Oh, the joys of being a Theatre major....which, by the way, is a lot harder than people seem to think. A lot of people think that it's an easy major that won't get me anywhere in life. I beg to differ. Some of these classes are going to be harder than other upper level courses, it all just depends on what you see as 'challenging'.

Alright, time to put on my dance clothes and get ready for a 15m sprint across campus after being exhausted by jazz. Wish me luck!

Current song: Push it-Glee soundtrack
Current HP reference: Hermione's work ethic with her studies
Current book: 'Trojan Women'

first day of school

Hello readers.

Today is the first day of classes and I somehow woke up with "Back to Hogwarts" in my head. I'm not complaining, but it is kind of a letdown knowing that I won't board a train at King's Cross and take the Hogwarts Express to an amazingly magical place. Instead, I'll put on my Muggle clothes and take a 10 minute stroll down to campus where I get to learn French and Theatre History. This does not sound like Charms and History of Magic to me! Grrrrrr, why am I a Muggle?!

So instead of singing "back to witches and wizards and magical beasts"...I found myself singing "back to singing and dancing and sweat in this HEAT"....and shocked myself with my quick lyric changing skills. Anyone like? I did. And that's enough for me. :)

Well, as I said, I'm taking french and theatre history. But I'm also taking a production studio, biology, and jazz. It doesn't sound like too hectic of a semester, but I can't go in to it thinking that it's going to be easy. My mind is focused and grounded because I have a lot going on until October 1st when my nights will be free again. Two mini jobs, 13 hours of classes, and 5 hours of rehearsals a night...along with football games, church activities [bleh], and trying to maintain a decent social life. Really? How do I get stuck with all of this and survive? I guess all of you readers are about to find out.

So come join me as I get to go back to Hogw....I mean....Auburn. Dangit! It's such a letdown compared to Hogwarts!

Current song: Back to Hogwarts-AVPM
Current HP reference: King's Cross station
Current book: whichever my classes make me begin reading...ugh

present success!

Well hello there, friends!

It's a day late, but my days have filled up quite fast over the last week. Yesterday I woke up with the intentions of walking through my schedules for this semester. I did a few productive things [like depositing money into my bank accounts, and getting a good sweat in there] before getting an invitation to lunch. Well, naturally I accepted, but only to be thwarted by his other friend asking to have lunch with him instead. I know friends are important so of course I didn't mind, but I haven't heard from the boy in another day and a half. Fun? I think not.

I ended up going swimming with a bunch of people and hanging out all afternoon. It was great to see friends again and have some relax time.

I also went to dinner with some kamp girls and then a party with some other friends. Lots of fun overall, although I did have a headache and needed rest. I was my own party pooper and headed home to read HP7 to sleep.

This morning I got to walk all across campus [in the blistering heat] to end up NOT getting my ignited card that would allow me to enter football games. I went home, dejected, and had an apple for lunch. Yes, dear friends, an apple. Yummm. I ended up being able to get the card, and a ride across campus to receive it, and then a ride to work. Roommates are the BEST. I love them :)

But the biggest reason for this blog post is the AMAZING video present I received from Jennie and Madeleine. You see, after visiting me and then having to leave me in Florida to work my ass off, they proceeded to go to the Decatur performance of ROFLCOPTOUR and got me a present. I got told off by.....drumroll, please.....KRISTINA AND LUKE!!!....for not being present at the show. I'm sure they had no recollection of meeting me just 2 days earlier at Infinitus, and I'm sure they've been doing crazy awesome videos for other people all summer, but still! I got to hear both of them say my name, get angry at me for not seeing them, and even had Luke raise his voice. I swear, I wanted to be there! They were all cracking up and having a great time, and I'm just super duper jealous that I didn't get to be there. But I loved watching the video, I'll be making a vlog soon just featuring that video and my excitement about it, and I'm still happy that my amazing friends did that for me. As much as it made me wish I had been there with them, I have to wonder: do Jennie or Madeleine have a video of Luke and Kristina saying THEIR names? Just sayin.... :)

I'll post this and sign off for now...I have a foreboding feeling that I'd rather not share with the blog world at the moment...

Current song: Battle of Hogwarts- Ministry of Magic
Current HP reference: the epilogue
Current book: finished!!! with HP7

sunday ramblings

Hello everyone!

Well it's been a....weird...past few days. Half of the time I was freaking out and re-living things that did not need to be relived. The other half of the time I spent with friends and family. The first part doesn't sound so fun, but I ended up getting some very productive things done. My room is now perfectly ready for school to start on Wednesday, and let me tell you, it feels AWESOME to have a room this clean and organized.

The second part of my last few days has been relatively fun. Last night I got to see all of my church friends that I hadn't seen all summer and I realized how much fun I always have with them. You see, I don't normally attend church. But I live at my church. Weird, I know, but $150/month for rent and utilities without parents around is kind of awesome. And when I say kind of, I mean that it's way up there on the awesome list. Anyways, I'm not a big churchgoer. Don't get me wrong, I believe in a higher power and that whoever this 'God' is, he/she loves me. But I don't feel the urge to profess that the Protestant Christian "God" is the only way things should be believed. I've had many conversations with numerous people about what I believe and don't have to discuss it with the entirety of whoever reads this. All I'm saying is that on Sunday mornings I'd rather have a baby fall asleep in my arms at the church nursery than singing very traditional hymns and being told that there's only one way to heaven. *sigh*

So I had a great time with friends last night, I got to see almost all of them again this morning and eat Mexican with them, yum.

Overall, I've calmed down since my last few posts. I'm fine. There is a final test later on today, but I'm trying not to think about it. If all of this is cryptic, don't worry. It makes sense to me.

Current song: Hot n' Cold-Katy Perry
Current HP reference: Dumbledore's funeral
Current book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows [yeah, so pumped!!!]

phew!

Well today has actually been very eventful thus far. I got to sleep in [I need to stop doing that so much and get used to only getting 6.5 hours of sleep a night again] and then got up and decided to completely finish my deep cleaning in my room. Yesterday I had done most of it to distract myself....today it was all about finishing things up before school starts. Now the only thing to be done is taking the two boxes of things to my parent's house that I don't need here anymore. But my desk and closet are cleaned out, cleaned through, and organized!

Let me just say, cleaning is soooo soothing once completed. I vacuumed, I got my organization skills on, and I actually have a little bit of free space here and there. I feel accomplished.

Now all I have left ahead of me is reading the rest of Half Blood Prince, talking to people online, and showering. Here's to an awesome ending for my day!

Current song: Don't Stop Believin' [Glee Cast]
Current HP reference: Dumbledore's first meeting with Tom Riddle as a child
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

textbooks and texting

Well today was fun.

I got some texts at 3am making me feel much worse than I already had. Wednesday just needs to disappear from everyone's memories. Please? Anyone? Dangit....

So I had to try to distract myself all morning...
The good news: my room is completely clean.
The bad news: I wasn't very distracted.

I also cleaned the bathroom and commenced the textbook shopping avec mon père. I only had two classes that I needed to buy books for so instead of spending the normal $300+ on books, I spent less than half that much. Epic. Win.

My dad really helped me keep my mind clear because we did a bunch more stuff together including putting cabinet doors back on in our kitchen, eating mexican food, and going to Winn Dixie. Mmm...sounds exciting, doesn't it?

I also had some good texting times with a few other friends. I'm lucky to have friends that are so oblivious that they end up unknowingly distracting me. :) As much as I hate to say it, I think that I really need to start school just so I'm too busy to remember how much of an idiot I am. I'm excited to learn more, but less than thrilled about test taking, paper writing, and sweating my ass off in the Alabama heat.

Anyone who reads this, please tell me about your day! Or something you'd like to hear me talk about!!

Current song: My Eclipse-Alex Carpenter and Jason Munday feat. Kri$tina
Current HP reference: Hagrid having to let Norbert go with Charlie
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

urgh.

i made a fool of myself. well...it's over with. i just have to try not to re-live what people have told me about. urgh. *headdesk*

Current song: Paint it Black [french version from 'Talladega Nights']
Current HP reference: still Katie Bell
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

long time no post

Hello all!

Sooo......I haven't updated in a while. I have literally been doing something with some person or another during every single day that I've been home. I'm not complaining, but I did realize that while being busy is fun, having clean clothes is also fun. I made the 'hang out spot' be my place for a good 3 hours while I did all of my laundry.

Auburn is great, Montgomery was really fun, and I've been at the lake for about 24 hours now. This is how summer should be: constantly going but always having a great time. Although tons of complications arose, I think I'm finally figuring things out. I get back to Auburn today, and I have a lot to discuss and do, but tonight is another night of fun at Quixote's so at some point I'll squeeze in business-related things.

I have 6 days to finish everything up to get me ready for school, I have precious few days left before other people leave or start classes, Sarah gets in to town in a couple of weeks so I'll get to see her, and may I just say one more time how amazingly exhausted I feel? As much as I'm ready to get back to the grind of classes, I also don't want summer to end. It's too much fun!!!

Current song: oo de lally- Robin Hood soundtrack
Current HP reference: Katie Bell getting cursed by the opal necklace [book 6]
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

on air

I kinda feel like I'm flying. Being back in Auburn is better than I can remember. I don't really have much to say about it, I'm just really happy at the moment.

I get to go to Montgomery for a few days to see some family, get some shopping time in, and to relax with some of my favorite people that always give me good advice. I really need it right now, and I'm really excited to see what they say.

Wish me luck!

Current song: You Had Me at Hello- A Day to Remember
Current HP reference: the happily ever after
Current book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince