Hi there, miss me?
I missed me too! Thanks!
I've actually had a ridiculous month and a half. I don't even know where to begin. Florida was amazing. If you've seen any other social networking site or Youtube then you'll have seen my joy for Orlando. And I was really happy to hear that my friends had great holidays too. Little did I know that I would lose a friend. *sigh* here it goes:
This has happened to me before. I guess I should have seen it coming. You see, I don't know why, but guys like me sometimes. [no, really, I have no idea what attracts these guys to me.] They like me enough to where they want to spend almost all of their time with me. And you know what? That's great! I love making friends, and I'm not gonna lie, the attention is nice. I thrive on it. And making friends is so much fun for me because I learn about their lives as much as they learn about mine. But you see, these guys are different. I like them so much that I didn't have any desire to date them/be with them/like them at all in more than anything platonic. And it's so nice to be confident that you can be friends with guys without having any pressure to date them, right? Wrong!! These guys quickly became my close friends and helped me through some rough times. School, life, drama, they got me through it. They were my motivation. They even had me doing things I never thought I would do, and it started making me feel like a better person.
But all good things must come to a sticky end, I guess. There was pressure: pressure for me to date them. One was open about it, and the other...well, he might as well have said it. Everyone knew he liked me. And I hated that I didn't reciprocate those feelings because they are such great guys and good friends and nice people that it killed me that I didn't like them back. I guess they gave up, or they wanted to spite me or they just had to get away from having me in their life because guess what, avid readers. Just guess. They found a girl for themselves. And that meant that I was no longer a part of their life. And I bet you're thinking, but you still hear from them, right? It's not like they literally just stopped talking to you, right? Right?!
Sadly, yes. I was barely given as explanation [and both were weak] as to why two of the greatest supportive friends just weren't going to be there anymore.
A little more detail without giving too terribly much away. One happened a long time ago. I'd gotten over it, had a relapse, and gotten over it again. The other, still days old. It's fresh on my mind. And you know what? I hate that I'm not okay with it. Yes, date who you'd like. No, don't worry about me [not that you were anyway]. But can I PLEASE get over this now? I am a strong person, I have priorities and ideas and dreams that are much stronger than I ever thought they would be. But I've lost two people that went out of their way to try to understand me. They liked me. For me. And do you know what? It sucks knowing that I'm never going to get to talk to them like I thought. I am now seen as the inappropriate, loud, obnoxious old friend.
That was only one of my issues from the past month, but hopefully I'll be writing more often as it seems that I really need to vent about things. If you're still reading, thanks. If not, I still feel better for getting this out there.
Current song: Don't Leave- Ministry of Magic
Current book: Stage Management
Current bottle of water: 5 [gotta step up my game, i know!]
