phew. this place.

I was told by my best friend in the entire world that I needed to start blogging, and I realized how much I missed the release that writing in a blog can be for me. As much as I feel like I'm a terrible writer, I know that the act of writing paragraphs about my life feels good. So, here it goes.

This internship is amazing. I'm not sure how much I can/should say, but I'm loving it. I've been mainly at Magic Kingdom, learning to use many different types of lifts, and meeting some amazing people. I have learned 2 positions so far: stilts and audio for the parades/street shows in Magic Kingdom. I've also been able to shadow positions at the castle show and some places in a pixie dust trail.

As much as this internship has started what I hope to be an amazing Disney career, there is an underlying feeling that is nagging at me. I have so much history in this town, and so many reminders of negative feelings or negative events in my life. I'm sick of reminders about the horrible decisions I made, all the things I did wrong, and how stupid I am/was. All it reminds me of is how much time I wasted on pointless things.

And then I thought about it, how much time do we all waste thinking about things that are dead and gone to us? How much do we fixate on things that we wanted to do differently? It's an ongoing struggle with me, and I'm slowly trying to remind myself that not only is it unhealthy for me to remember these events so constantly, but also that the brainwashing that the people from these memories did to me cannot change my views on life in general. I have become so desensitized to people that it's become a lot harder for me to make friends. I push away everyone that tries to get close to me, and yet I crave human attention and affection. I have to learn that I am worth something.

So that's me as of late.