Hmm...I sense a little bit of sarcasm in my title for today...
Let's talk about boys. And girls, but let's talk about boys, really.
You see, for about the past year/year and a half, I've had this not-so-strange aversion to dating any male, and for almost the past year, anything more than just plain ole friendship. You see, I finally got up the courage to dump a guy that I had realized was really bad for me. After the last few relationships [official or not] before that one already being disasters, something clicked in my brain. From then on, I've had no interest in really being committed to a guy. I mean, I did basically date this one other guy after that, but again, complete mistake. You see, guys have finally convinced me of how much of an ass they all can be. I have my guy friends that I will always be there for, but the others aren't so lucky. It's funny too, because ever since I realized what I did about boys, there has been a slow trickle of boys talking to me, asking me on dates, etc.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, I digress. Why are boys so unappealing at this time in my life, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I've finally learned that there is no reason to take care of a guy on a romantic/personal level. Again, my guy friends are great, but once they cross that barrier of friendship to potential relationship, something happens. It might be me, it might be the guy, it might be both. I'm not sure. All I know is that not only do I start worrying whether someone is okay and happy to be around me, but the guy also tends to depend on me...a lot. At this point of my life, I shouldn't have to think about another life and their problems unless they will do the same for me. And unfortunately, no guys my age or around it are capable of being in a relationship without a) needing a mommy-like girlfriend to take care of them of b) not giving a crap as to whether or not the girl exists because they just want some arm candy.
I'm a stage manager, I take care of people and their problems all day. I shouldn't have to do that with a guy. If I really need someone, it should be to have that one person that I am allowed to have a bad day around. Someone who will pop in a movie with me to forget the world. Not someone who wants a snack, who wants to know what homework we have, or wants to be unreliable as a human. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't cut out boys completely. I fully intend on having another relationship one day, and I'm sure there will be a few more relationships that aren't amazing. But for now, being happy, free, and independent is all I need. If a guy asks me out and I can feel the chemistry, sure, I'll go out. But I'm not going to go crazy or make something out of nothing. And I'm not going to let myself be treated terribly either. I do a lot, but I expect a little in return. I give out just as much respect as I hope to have. I'm sick of being tormented and teased by little [maturity-wise] boys that only want to be connected to someone via facebook.
I think that subject is what's getting me so riled up about relationships right now. It seems like everyone has this need to be connected to a person just to say that they're dating someone. Or because they're scared that they're missing out on opportunities by not having a significant other. Me, I feel differently. Why waste time with people that you don't really care about or want to be with just to say you're in a relationship when you could be happier and healthier on your own? Why jeopardize sanity for another person? I just don't think it's worth it, people deserve to be happy.
The trickle of guys in my life has been welcome, but very cautiously. My guard is up, my shields will protect me. I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve anymore. I need to save myself from being hurt so badly again. I have a small circle of people that know me well, and they know that a relationship is not in the cards because of how much I've been hurt. Past all those layers, shields, and guards, I'm still a vulnerable little girl, just wanting to be loved. But until someone can take the time and have the curiosity to find their way through the labyrinth that has become me, I just can't handle anything serious. I need some me time to process life.
Current song - Show Me How You Burlesque [Burlesque soundtrack] - I've had it stuck in my head for the past few days!
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