I have this need to escape. I feel suffocated or tortured by things after a while and something makes me want to get out of my routine and do something completely different. If I don't fulfill that urge I start to get in a rut that is really hard to get out of. Well, that is happening right now at least.
Now, I'm not saying I'm a quitter. Far from it. I like to see things to the [sometimes bitter] end. I need communication and closure. Things left undone or unsaid are much more detrimental to me that anyone really realizes.
So, I left my guard down again. Stupid, I know. Dumbest thing I could do. And the worst part is that I know exactly what's happening to me and I have a rational mind about the whole thing. I know why I'm hurting and what led me to where I am right now and yet I still have let it all get this far. And now I'm left rejoicing in tiny victories in my life because the one big thing that's hovering over me is too ominous for me to think about. *sigh* I do this to myself far too often.
Let me ask a question. If I think I know that I could be a good influence and challenge to someone but they have stopped really giving me the time of day, do I even work at it? This is my fine line between seeing something out and escaping. I know that I need to conserve what little sanity I have left over from other lovely experiences, but I feel like this one might be more worth it. I guess I always say that, don't I?
I have a feeling I know what's going to happen. Let's be honest. Who would really want me as a strong part of their life? Not many, I know that much. I try to give a lot to help people but somehow I always end up feeling like I'm insufficient and alone. There I go again...
Current song - Haunted - Taylor Swift
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