downfall...

so....maybe it's the stress. maybe it's all weighing down on me. maybe i just need to try to let it all go.

i'm not feelin' it tonight. the normal bright and bubbly me. i'm just not. and it hit me pretty fast. something inside of me just wants to curl up and know that everything will always be okay. but tonight is one of those nights that i know my life isn't a fairytale. i know it's not going to end up exactly the way i want it to. and it sucks.

first of all, i know that life is about compromise and working with others. i have no problem with that. but again, my dad was right in saying that i'm always either 100% into something or it just doesn't appeal to me. i need that drive in my life, i need that inspiration to keep me going. and lately....well....it's all just fizzled out. yeah, i'm having a great time in college having awesome friends and an awesome family that loves me. i know i'm luckier than half of the people i know. but...it's not that i'm missing anything...it's that i'm at one of those stagnant parts of life. no matter how much i overwork myself to keep going i still know that i'm in a transition phase of life. i've grown up a lot while in college, but i know that there's so much more to go. my dad also says that i never want to be in the present, i'm always thinking about the next step and the future of things. well, that's true. i can't help it. i've had a whole summer of living 'in the moment' or, if you want the boring way of saying it, living day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.

i don't even know what spurred all of this right now, but i knew it needed to be out of my system and into someone's ears. well, maybe someone's mind...i have no idea. all i know is transition time stinks, but i have to still try to live in the moment and take in everything that comes my way. that's the only way i'll learn and live and love. right?

current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry
current HP reference: harry getting rejected by cho
current book: Theatre Histories-An Introduction