I hate when people are douches.
I hate when people are cowards.
I hate when people are passive agressive.
I hate when people use me.
I hate that I get so angry about these things.
I hate that it's really hard to confront them about it.
I hate that I have these feelings.
I hate that I always have to be the stronger person, the 'big girl' and fix the mess.
I hate that I annoy people.
I hate that after I get used, hurt, humiliated, and rejected, I still have to smile and pretend like everything's okay.
I hate that when opportunity does come, I push it away.
I hate that there are absolutely no opportunities that I see happening in the near future.
I hate that being strong about this is slowly weakening me on the inside.
I still hate that people are cowards.
I hate that I get treated like shit and am expected to be okay with that.
I hate that I'm the one that gets made out to be the bad guy, when it's really them.
I hate that the second something goes wrong, people freak out.
I hate that I can be one of those people.
I hate that there's not one person I can really talk to about this without feeling like shit.
I hate that I keep bringing it up.
But most of all,
I hate that I messed up, I did something wrong, and things didn't happen like I wanted.
Sorry it's such a downer, but I needed to get that off of my chest before I exploded with anger. Screw this. I'm sick of it. I want to punch you, and I'm not a violent person. I want to scream at you, for you to scream back, and for us to finally tell each other what we feel. But then, I want everything to be okay, and I want to be happy....I don't want to hate you. I guess that means it's time to put on my big girl panties and confront the situation like an adult. Something you can't do.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
another long pause
Hey everyone,
Sorry I've been MIA all month. It's been a long and stressful few weeks for me. At first it was all school-related, and then it turned into family crisis' [crises?]. I'm sure you all know by now that my grandfather is in the hospital. Well, he went in for a surgery to remove a supposedly 1-2 month old blood clot from his brain. He came out of his surgery fine [he could remember me, my aunt, and my daddy all by our nicknames] and was doing well, but the clot was found being 6-8 months old. The next day he had a few seizures and was placed into a drug-induced coma to take away the pain. I talked to my dad today and he said that the doctors weren't hopeful for a long-term recovery, although it's still possible. So far, I've given you the facts. Now here are my speculations:
-Although my Poppy loves all of his family dearly, he's lost two wives to cancer. Recently, [and now that the clot was so big we think that might have also been a factor] he's been drinking a lot, visiting the graveyard to see Nan and Mimi, and was acting even more subdued than he already was. I think it's all catching up with him and he's realizing his age more and more now. And I hate that for him because he still has this nice family that cares about him and loves him. Like me. I don't want my Poppy to leave me.
-Since the death of my step-grandmother, he has been solely devoted to family and work. He worked up until last week when he was put in the hospital. My aunt and dad have forcibly retired him [although he doesn't know it] and that's half of who he was...gone. He won't have his freedom anymore, his independence. So I think that it's a big deal to him.
I don't know. I'm really worried about him, and I don't want to lose him, but he's 82. If it's his time, I can understand that. I can get over it. I've been lucky to have him for 20 amazing years of life. This isn't me giving up on him, but I don't know if he really wants to fight anymore...
Anyways, onto another subject. School is getting better now that I have some free time to devote to it. I hope that my grades will start improving and I'm trying to study more. I have so much to catch up on, but I think I can do it.
That was quick.
Another topic: boys. I hate them. But with all this family stuff, I've been longing for a cuddle buddy. As much as I hate myself for it, sometimes I lose my nerve and start to wonder about getting out there and dating again. Not that anyone really wants to date me, but still. I still don't think I'd have time at ALL, and I don't need any other stress in my life, so when I really sit down and wonder I realize that there's no reason for me to date anyone. I just miss the affection sometimes.
I'm pretty positive I'm headed down to Disney again December 10-24. I'm really excited and I have some friends coming too! I'm determined to get some play time in there because I really REALLY want to have some fun down there! I might be staying with the same guy I did this summer, which would be hella convenient and nice of him. And his friends are cool too so it'd be fun to see them all again. :) we'll see what happens, but for now, I just can't wait to get back down there where I don't have to worry about anything...
Well I'm gonna try to do some work and then heading to bed. Hope people still read this!
Current song: Single Ladies- Beyoncé
Sorry I've been MIA all month. It's been a long and stressful few weeks for me. At first it was all school-related, and then it turned into family crisis' [crises?]. I'm sure you all know by now that my grandfather is in the hospital. Well, he went in for a surgery to remove a supposedly 1-2 month old blood clot from his brain. He came out of his surgery fine [he could remember me, my aunt, and my daddy all by our nicknames] and was doing well, but the clot was found being 6-8 months old. The next day he had a few seizures and was placed into a drug-induced coma to take away the pain. I talked to my dad today and he said that the doctors weren't hopeful for a long-term recovery, although it's still possible. So far, I've given you the facts. Now here are my speculations:
-Although my Poppy loves all of his family dearly, he's lost two wives to cancer. Recently, [and now that the clot was so big we think that might have also been a factor] he's been drinking a lot, visiting the graveyard to see Nan and Mimi, and was acting even more subdued than he already was. I think it's all catching up with him and he's realizing his age more and more now. And I hate that for him because he still has this nice family that cares about him and loves him. Like me. I don't want my Poppy to leave me.
-Since the death of my step-grandmother, he has been solely devoted to family and work. He worked up until last week when he was put in the hospital. My aunt and dad have forcibly retired him [although he doesn't know it] and that's half of who he was...gone. He won't have his freedom anymore, his independence. So I think that it's a big deal to him.
I don't know. I'm really worried about him, and I don't want to lose him, but he's 82. If it's his time, I can understand that. I can get over it. I've been lucky to have him for 20 amazing years of life. This isn't me giving up on him, but I don't know if he really wants to fight anymore...
Anyways, onto another subject. School is getting better now that I have some free time to devote to it. I hope that my grades will start improving and I'm trying to study more. I have so much to catch up on, but I think I can do it.
That was quick.
Another topic: boys. I hate them. But with all this family stuff, I've been longing for a cuddle buddy. As much as I hate myself for it, sometimes I lose my nerve and start to wonder about getting out there and dating again. Not that anyone really wants to date me, but still. I still don't think I'd have time at ALL, and I don't need any other stress in my life, so when I really sit down and wonder I realize that there's no reason for me to date anyone. I just miss the affection sometimes.
I'm pretty positive I'm headed down to Disney again December 10-24. I'm really excited and I have some friends coming too! I'm determined to get some play time in there because I really REALLY want to have some fun down there! I might be staying with the same guy I did this summer, which would be hella convenient and nice of him. And his friends are cool too so it'd be fun to see them all again. :) we'll see what happens, but for now, I just can't wait to get back down there where I don't have to worry about anything...
Well I'm gonna try to do some work and then heading to bed. Hope people still read this!
Current song: Single Ladies- Beyoncé
Saturday, October 2, 2010
a long pause
Hello everyone!
Sorry if it's been a while. I've been going nonstop for the past couple of weeks to say the least. But the end is near, and once tomorrow is over, so is my nighttime escape adventure to the theatre every night. [side note: I hate how my computer says that 'theatre' is misspelled. It's a word!!]
As the last couple of weeks came closer, the panic began to settle in. Tech week would be easy, but the week of the show? I had two major tests that I needed to do well on and literally no motivation or time to work on them. I wanted to do well, but every time I got a free moment in my life, I would browse the internet, talk with friends, do anything to get away from the stress of school and theatre. So when Tuesday night arrived, I spent hours in the library preparing for the exam. It went okay...I think. I would be grammatically correct and say that it went well, but well means that I'm proud of it, and with the amount I think I missed, I'm not so sure I will be proud of it. I hope to be, but we'll see. But I do know that I'm not proud of my second test. I needed to be better, and I just wasn't. I don't mean to be a slacker, but when I'm barely getting sleep and worried about grades and jobs and everything else, it's kind of hard to focus on one thing instead of the numerous things I'm supposed to worry about.
So, Friday came and went. The show is over, the tests are over, and my life is [almost] back. I have one more day of strike and my freedom begins. Now, the school things are still looming, but a composition and an outline are much less stressful than two major tests.
How do I put this? I was so stressed out last week that I didn't sleep, put tons of stress on my body, and ended up losing my voice, gaining a monstrous cough, and having zero energy. I had to keep the morale up [because I don't like to be a Debbie Downer during shows] but outside of that, I was in bad shape. I barely made it. Really. Does that give you an idea of how intense my week was?
But I'm done with it, and I only have a few more [I can even count the hours if I want to] days of this time-consuming life before I get a chance to relax a little. I'm letting my sickness have today since I haven't had any time to let this thing run it's course. So I'm sitting here, in my pajamas [at 12:42pm], coughing like a madwoman, and typing to you all for the first time in a couple of weeks. Did you miss me? I missed you!!! I wanted to write soo much but I told myself I needed to be productive....as I continued to play games and surf facebook. *sigh*
I'll be able to write more regularly with news and thoughts again after Monday. Love you all!
Current song: Hummingbird Heartbeat-Katy Perry
Water bottles drank today: 3
Sorry if it's been a while. I've been going nonstop for the past couple of weeks to say the least. But the end is near, and once tomorrow is over, so is my nighttime escape adventure to the theatre every night. [side note: I hate how my computer says that 'theatre' is misspelled. It's a word!!]
As the last couple of weeks came closer, the panic began to settle in. Tech week would be easy, but the week of the show? I had two major tests that I needed to do well on and literally no motivation or time to work on them. I wanted to do well, but every time I got a free moment in my life, I would browse the internet, talk with friends, do anything to get away from the stress of school and theatre. So when Tuesday night arrived, I spent hours in the library preparing for the exam. It went okay...I think. I would be grammatically correct and say that it went well, but well means that I'm proud of it, and with the amount I think I missed, I'm not so sure I will be proud of it. I hope to be, but we'll see. But I do know that I'm not proud of my second test. I needed to be better, and I just wasn't. I don't mean to be a slacker, but when I'm barely getting sleep and worried about grades and jobs and everything else, it's kind of hard to focus on one thing instead of the numerous things I'm supposed to worry about.
So, Friday came and went. The show is over, the tests are over, and my life is [almost] back. I have one more day of strike and my freedom begins. Now, the school things are still looming, but a composition and an outline are much less stressful than two major tests.
How do I put this? I was so stressed out last week that I didn't sleep, put tons of stress on my body, and ended up losing my voice, gaining a monstrous cough, and having zero energy. I had to keep the morale up [because I don't like to be a Debbie Downer during shows] but outside of that, I was in bad shape. I barely made it. Really. Does that give you an idea of how intense my week was?
But I'm done with it, and I only have a few more [I can even count the hours if I want to] days of this time-consuming life before I get a chance to relax a little. I'm letting my sickness have today since I haven't had any time to let this thing run it's course. So I'm sitting here, in my pajamas [at 12:42pm], coughing like a madwoman, and typing to you all for the first time in a couple of weeks. Did you miss me? I missed you!!! I wanted to write soo much but I told myself I needed to be productive....as I continued to play games and surf facebook. *sigh*
I'll be able to write more regularly with news and thoughts again after Monday. Love you all!
Current song: Hummingbird Heartbeat-Katy Perry
Water bottles drank today: 3
Sunday, September 19, 2010
stressful revelations
Soo....I'm sitting here backstage at rehearsal waiting for tech to run smoothly and I thought that it was finally time to sit down and write some more about my feelings on me. I've been trying to be honest with myself and have come to some more self-analyzing conclusions. This time it's solely about me and how I do in relationships. Or at least, how I've done so far in the skewed 'non-relationships' in my life.
-I'm high maintenance. I want to be spoiled. I would say that you can blame my daddy for that, but it's really all me. I've turned into such a girly girl recently, but I've always like presents, surprises, and treats. It's taken me a long time to actually admit it [so if you're reading this, you should be proud] but I really expect a lot. I want a fairy tale, or a happily ever after. I've only met one person that's had feelings for me that's really treated me like that. I didn't know that things from the movies could happen like that in real life, so unfortunately for any other boy that might like me, he has a lot of standards to rise to. I know I'm not perfect [seriously, I know more than anyone else] but the guy that really wants to be with me is gonna have to think I'm as close to perfect as possible. I've already admitted that I fall hard and fast whenever I do fall for a guy. I guess what I'm saying is that for once, for ONCE, I'd like to have a guy like me as much as I like him. Because I'm totally willing to do the surprises and the fun adventures right back, as long as I'm shown that he's interested first.
-Basically ever since I've had feelings for guys, I've been shown that I'm a fool who falls for the guy that will never like me half as much as I like him. It's been a problem because unfortunately there are mean guys out there that take advantage of the fact that I like them and use me [mentally, etc] until my heart's been ruined. I've had lots of friends to help me rebuild my pieces, but again, there's only been one guy that's seemed to even come close to liking me as much as I like him. I want him to need me. I want him to depend on me. And most importantly, I want whatever guy that likes me to not take advantage of me. *sigh*
-For me, I have some weird views on relationships. I went in to this a little bit in other entries, but I'm going to attempt to put it all in perspective here. I think that honestly, the guy should be in control of the relationship. That's how society has trained us, and I guess that makes me a puppet to society, but this is just how I feel. I want my happily ever relationship to be like the relationship that my parents have. They still love each other after all of these years, after three kids, after lots of financial and family issues, and they're always there for each other. My mom usually makes the food [trust me, I want to learn more about cooking!] but my dad definitely chips in or will make food for my mom/the family whenever. Both of my parents work, but my dad brings the majority of the money in. My mom deals with the things around the house, my dad deals with his tailgating. I don't know, they have a system and it works. I like the southern way of life even if I don't like living in the south. I just....ahhhhh I want a guy who loves me and will take care of me/protect me/be my everything.
-I want a guy who can have fun. I want a guy that will dance with me when we go out, will sing songs in the car with me on road trips, will go be with my friends as well as introduce me to his friends. I want this guy. I want more than that, and I don't want a guy who controls every aspect of my life, but that's the main gist. I want a guy who's proud to be with me. For me, looks matter in a weird way. I've fallen for every stereotype of guy I can think of. I just think that I have this whole view on guys and I have no idea if it's attainable. Is any of this attainable?
And when I said that I want the guy to be in control, that doesn't mean that I want to be a subservient woman or anything. I want to be hand and hand in the relationship. I think my mindset is that the guy is more of a strength and the girl is more of the...I don't want to say mind....but....the spirit, I guess. That's all I can think of. Does any of this make sense?
EDIT: As I read through all of this, I realized that it sounded like I was completely 100% set on everything boy-wise in my life. That is TOTALLY not the case. My biggest thing is that I want compromise. I want to be able to work through problems together with open lines of communication. I don't want to have to hide anything from that person, and I want to make sure that everyone is happy with the outcome of whatever challenges that arise.
Example: Recently I found out that this so-called perfect guy thought that I wasn't a Christian. Yes, I have a skewed view of all things religion, but really? You couldn't even talk to me and tell me that to my face? I had to find out through a friend? Really? If the lines of communication had been open, then this guy would have found out that I've been so pressured into all things religion throughout my life that it's led me to question everything about the Southern Christian way of life. I'm not denouncing any religion, and I refuse to judge people based on religion, but for me, right now, I'm at a crossroads. I'm still finding out what my religious beliefs are. Spiritually, I'm set. I have my own personal relationship with God. But please, don't judge me when I'm a little cynical towards Christianity that's been skewed and forced upon me by society.
Needless to say from all of this drama, in whatever relationship I'm in, I want to be open with the person. I want them to love me for my faults as much as I love them for theirs. I want them to know that no matter what, I'm willing to work through things. I won't back down, run away, or just stop all communication if something gets rough. I want to be there and know what's going on.
A lighter example of this would be something along the lines of this: I don't like scary movies or anything with lots of gore, blood, violence, yuckiness. I prefer not to watch anything of that sort. It's what makes me hate Lord of the Rings [I know, I know, kill me now...you're all obsessed. hahaha]. But you know what? If a guy says 'Alright, we've watched a ton of chick flicks...I need some manliness back in my life' then I'm perfectly willing to watch a suspense or somewhat action-type movie. I'm not all selfish, people.
Yet another example: If it comes down to it, there is always the compromise of not watching either chick flicks or violent movies by watching something like a normal comedy or episodes of The Office or something. See? I can do compromise.
I think the biggest thing for me is that both people in the relationship are happy. Yes, I can be a needy, clingy, sometimes whiny little baby. But guys can be rude, loud, jerks that are just as selfish. So hopefully this edit makes me sound a little less set in my ways and a little more like I'm ready to have a real relationship. Another edit is that I'm not dead set on having a boyfriend right now. I am having an amazing time being single! I want whatever guy I like to start a relationship naturally. I hate forcing things, I hate planning for things that end up falling through, and I hate that all of this post is going to make me sound like I'm desperate for a boyfriend. I'm not, I just think I finally know myself enough to know what I think I'd want in a relationship.
-I'm high maintenance. I want to be spoiled. I would say that you can blame my daddy for that, but it's really all me. I've turned into such a girly girl recently, but I've always like presents, surprises, and treats. It's taken me a long time to actually admit it [so if you're reading this, you should be proud] but I really expect a lot. I want a fairy tale, or a happily ever after. I've only met one person that's had feelings for me that's really treated me like that. I didn't know that things from the movies could happen like that in real life, so unfortunately for any other boy that might like me, he has a lot of standards to rise to. I know I'm not perfect [seriously, I know more than anyone else] but the guy that really wants to be with me is gonna have to think I'm as close to perfect as possible. I've already admitted that I fall hard and fast whenever I do fall for a guy. I guess what I'm saying is that for once, for ONCE, I'd like to have a guy like me as much as I like him. Because I'm totally willing to do the surprises and the fun adventures right back, as long as I'm shown that he's interested first.
-Basically ever since I've had feelings for guys, I've been shown that I'm a fool who falls for the guy that will never like me half as much as I like him. It's been a problem because unfortunately there are mean guys out there that take advantage of the fact that I like them and use me [mentally, etc] until my heart's been ruined. I've had lots of friends to help me rebuild my pieces, but again, there's only been one guy that's seemed to even come close to liking me as much as I like him. I want him to need me. I want him to depend on me. And most importantly, I want whatever guy that likes me to not take advantage of me. *sigh*
-For me, I have some weird views on relationships. I went in to this a little bit in other entries, but I'm going to attempt to put it all in perspective here. I think that honestly, the guy should be in control of the relationship. That's how society has trained us, and I guess that makes me a puppet to society, but this is just how I feel. I want my happily ever relationship to be like the relationship that my parents have. They still love each other after all of these years, after three kids, after lots of financial and family issues, and they're always there for each other. My mom usually makes the food [trust me, I want to learn more about cooking!] but my dad definitely chips in or will make food for my mom/the family whenever. Both of my parents work, but my dad brings the majority of the money in. My mom deals with the things around the house, my dad deals with his tailgating. I don't know, they have a system and it works. I like the southern way of life even if I don't like living in the south. I just....ahhhhh I want a guy who loves me and will take care of me/protect me/be my everything.
-I want a guy who can have fun. I want a guy that will dance with me when we go out, will sing songs in the car with me on road trips, will go be with my friends as well as introduce me to his friends. I want this guy. I want more than that, and I don't want a guy who controls every aspect of my life, but that's the main gist. I want a guy who's proud to be with me. For me, looks matter in a weird way. I've fallen for every stereotype of guy I can think of. I just think that I have this whole view on guys and I have no idea if it's attainable. Is any of this attainable?
And when I said that I want the guy to be in control, that doesn't mean that I want to be a subservient woman or anything. I want to be hand and hand in the relationship. I think my mindset is that the guy is more of a strength and the girl is more of the...I don't want to say mind....but....the spirit, I guess. That's all I can think of. Does any of this make sense?
EDIT: As I read through all of this, I realized that it sounded like I was completely 100% set on everything boy-wise in my life. That is TOTALLY not the case. My biggest thing is that I want compromise. I want to be able to work through problems together with open lines of communication. I don't want to have to hide anything from that person, and I want to make sure that everyone is happy with the outcome of whatever challenges that arise.
Example: Recently I found out that this so-called perfect guy thought that I wasn't a Christian. Yes, I have a skewed view of all things religion, but really? You couldn't even talk to me and tell me that to my face? I had to find out through a friend? Really? If the lines of communication had been open, then this guy would have found out that I've been so pressured into all things religion throughout my life that it's led me to question everything about the Southern Christian way of life. I'm not denouncing any religion, and I refuse to judge people based on religion, but for me, right now, I'm at a crossroads. I'm still finding out what my religious beliefs are. Spiritually, I'm set. I have my own personal relationship with God. But please, don't judge me when I'm a little cynical towards Christianity that's been skewed and forced upon me by society.
Needless to say from all of this drama, in whatever relationship I'm in, I want to be open with the person. I want them to love me for my faults as much as I love them for theirs. I want them to know that no matter what, I'm willing to work through things. I won't back down, run away, or just stop all communication if something gets rough. I want to be there and know what's going on.
A lighter example of this would be something along the lines of this: I don't like scary movies or anything with lots of gore, blood, violence, yuckiness. I prefer not to watch anything of that sort. It's what makes me hate Lord of the Rings [I know, I know, kill me now...you're all obsessed. hahaha]. But you know what? If a guy says 'Alright, we've watched a ton of chick flicks...I need some manliness back in my life' then I'm perfectly willing to watch a suspense or somewhat action-type movie. I'm not all selfish, people.
Yet another example: If it comes down to it, there is always the compromise of not watching either chick flicks or violent movies by watching something like a normal comedy or episodes of The Office or something. See? I can do compromise.
I think the biggest thing for me is that both people in the relationship are happy. Yes, I can be a needy, clingy, sometimes whiny little baby. But guys can be rude, loud, jerks that are just as selfish. So hopefully this edit makes me sound a little less set in my ways and a little more like I'm ready to have a real relationship. Another edit is that I'm not dead set on having a boyfriend right now. I am having an amazing time being single! I want whatever guy I like to start a relationship naturally. I hate forcing things, I hate planning for things that end up falling through, and I hate that all of this post is going to make me sound like I'm desperate for a boyfriend. I'm not, I just think I finally know myself enough to know what I think I'd want in a relationship.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
so...
I'm seriously considering taking a self-imposed long weekend and going down to Florida for a Fri,Sat,Sun,Mon,Tue weekend. I can't afford to miss a Friday because I have labs then, and if I miss one day of each of my classes I think I can survive. Does anyone think that it's a good idea? I've been so stressed out with no kind of outlet for so long. Last time I was cooped up for 6 weeks as an ASM I drank myself silly at the cast party and...I don't think I want to do that. I'd rather be having fun at Disney. But then again, I do need to focus on school and once I'm done with rehearsals that can be my full focus. I'm not sure. Advice?
Current song: I Heart Weasleys-Ministry of Magic
Current HP reference: Kristina doesn't like Hagrid
Bottles of water today? 1 [it's only 8am, don't worry! :)]
Current song: I Heart Weasleys-Ministry of Magic
Current HP reference: Kristina doesn't like Hagrid
Bottles of water today? 1 [it's only 8am, don't worry! :)]
Sunday, September 12, 2010
question.
Alright, if you've been dating someone for a very long time [like, over 2 years] and the boyfriend has to leave town for school, is it alright for them to spend the weekend with each other? Seriously, it's not like they don't already know enough about each other, it's not like they're always doing something bad....and really, if they wanted to do something bad, they would have found time to do it when they lived in the same town before. I don't see why so many adults freak out about our age kids spending weekends together. Really. Am I crazy, or does this actually make sense? Is there any reason why the parents should be overly concerned? Urrrrgh.
Current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry [don't judge! it's my new fave!]
Current HP reference: WWoHP....dying to go!
Number of water bottles today: 9
Current song: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry [don't judge! it's my new fave!]
Current HP reference: WWoHP....dying to go!
Number of water bottles today: 9
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
two posts in one day?!
So...I was having a nice little vent session that I realized could be utilized here just as well. My friend was talking about looking at Auburn stuff and my response was 'oh god...'. It's not that I hate Auburn, really. It's just that this town doesn't hold the same appeal to me as it does to every other person. If I had my way, I'd be off in a big city, doing what I love and learning how to do what I love, and able to see a professional show at the drop of a hat. I'd like to be going away to college, like normal kids, and excited to come home for the holidays. Instead....I'm here. All the time. And it's....not as amazing as people would think.
You see, I'm the kind of person that likes a change of scenery every once in a while. And when I say every once in a while, I mean as often as possible. I don't like to stay too stagnant. I might like that sort of lifestyle later, but for now....I want to get out and go go go. I feel like I'm missing out on things that people don't normally experience. Don't get me wrong...I've loved making the friends that I have here, and I have come to love the things that I do here...but it's not me. I want to be in a place where the arts are more appreciated, where I don't feel so smothered by all these southern values, traditions, and morals. Where it's okay for me to go out and not worry about running into my parents, or where I don't get three phone calls a day from my family asking me to do something or come visit them...because they're two miles away. *sigh*
I'm sorry, but this blog is a place that I always vent to. These are just my thoughts at the moment and I need to get them out. I hope my readers don't hate it!
You see, I'm the kind of person that likes a change of scenery every once in a while. And when I say every once in a while, I mean as often as possible. I don't like to stay too stagnant. I might like that sort of lifestyle later, but for now....I want to get out and go go go. I feel like I'm missing out on things that people don't normally experience. Don't get me wrong...I've loved making the friends that I have here, and I have come to love the things that I do here...but it's not me. I want to be in a place where the arts are more appreciated, where I don't feel so smothered by all these southern values, traditions, and morals. Where it's okay for me to go out and not worry about running into my parents, or where I don't get three phone calls a day from my family asking me to do something or come visit them...because they're two miles away. *sigh*
I'm sorry, but this blog is a place that I always vent to. These are just my thoughts at the moment and I need to get them out. I hope my readers don't hate it!
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