another long pause

Hey everyone,

Sorry I've been MIA all month. It's been a long and stressful few weeks for me. At first it was all school-related, and then it turned into family crisis' [crises?]. I'm sure you all know by now that my grandfather is in the hospital. Well, he went in for a surgery to remove a supposedly 1-2 month old blood clot from his brain. He came out of his surgery fine [he could remember me, my aunt, and my daddy all by our nicknames] and was doing well, but the clot was found being 6-8 months old. The next day he had a few seizures and was placed into a drug-induced coma to take away the pain. I talked to my dad today and he said that the doctors weren't hopeful for a long-term recovery, although it's still possible. So far, I've given you the facts. Now here are my speculations:
-Although my Poppy loves all of his family dearly, he's lost two wives to cancer. Recently, [and now that the clot was so big we think that might have also been a factor] he's been drinking a lot, visiting the graveyard to see Nan and Mimi, and was acting even more subdued than he already was. I think it's all catching up with him and he's realizing his age more and more now. And I hate that for him because he still has this nice family that cares about him and loves him. Like me. I don't want my Poppy to leave me.
-Since the death of my step-grandmother, he has been solely devoted to family and work. He worked up until last week when he was put in the hospital. My aunt and dad have forcibly retired him [although he doesn't know it] and that's half of who he was...gone. He won't have his freedom anymore, his independence. So I think that it's a big deal to him.

I don't know. I'm really worried about him, and I don't want to lose him, but he's 82. If it's his time, I can understand that. I can get over it. I've been lucky to have him for 20 amazing years of life. This isn't me giving up on him, but I don't know if he really wants to fight anymore...


Anyways, onto another subject. School is getting better now that I have some free time to devote to it. I hope that my grades will start improving and I'm trying to study more. I have so much to catch up on, but I think I can do it.

That was quick.

Another topic: boys. I hate them. But with all this family stuff, I've been longing for a cuddle buddy. As much as I hate myself for it, sometimes I lose my nerve and start to wonder about getting out there and dating again. Not that anyone really wants to date me, but still. I still don't think I'd have time at ALL, and I don't need any other stress in my life, so when I really sit down and wonder I realize that there's no reason for me to date anyone. I just miss the affection sometimes.

I'm pretty positive I'm headed down to Disney again December 10-24. I'm really excited and I have some friends coming too! I'm determined to get some play time in there because I really REALLY want to have some fun down there! I might be staying with the same guy I did this summer, which would be hella convenient and nice of him. And his friends are cool too so it'd be fun to see them all again. :) we'll see what happens, but for now, I just can't wait to get back down there where I don't have to worry about anything...

Well I'm gonna try to do some work and then heading to bed. Hope people still read this!

Current song: Single Ladies- Beyoncé