summer classes suck, amongst other things

Summer classes, as mentioned in the title, really suck. If you miss one day you're really screwed because a lot of the classes are from the lecture and on top of that there is a bunch of reading. I'm not okay with this because I think I'm getting sick and I cannot miss another day.

I also have some severe back pain that kept me awake from 1am-4. It hurts really bad and I wish it would all just go away. I've made a chiropractor appointment for that. For the sickly feelings, I'm thinking about going to either the med clinic or urgent care soon just because I cannot afford to be sick at all right now. I really need to do well in school and being sick is not only putting a toll on my body, but my mind won't allow me to think either. *sigh* Can it be July yet??

The Tear Heals - 'Tangled' soundtrack

it's definitely about time...

Hi folks!

I missed blogging and although it's been a crazy couple of weeks, I'm here! As you saw, I went down to Orlando and had some crazy good times with my friend Brianna. She was my college program roommate [this might have already been explained in another blog, but I'm Dory so I will explain again!] back in 2009 and I hadn't visited her in 2 years so I stayed with her and her roomies in Ocoee while I worked and played at the parks! She had recently started talking to this guy Josh [he is a really fun guy and they're officially dating now which I am super excited about!] and one day when the three of us were hanging out they told me I needed to meet Josh's roommate. Now, I don't know if any of you remember this, but I have been VERY anti-boys for the past few months and that idea was not changing.

So the vacation went on and I was staying at a Disney resort with Bri and her family, Josh was over schmoozing Rick, Bri's dad, when this guy introduces himself as Benton, Josh's roommate. The two of us start talking and getting to know each other....and kind of haven't stopped talking ever since. *blushes* He is a really sweet guy and although we're still getting to know each other I REALLY like what I've learned so far. I guess more details about it later just because I have this huge silly grin on my face now and I should probably change subjects!!!

Summer classes have started and I am already overloaded with schoolwork, but I am very excited to get two more classes out of my way so I can finish college and move down to Orlando soon!!! In July I'll be busy every weekend with friends visiting or LeakyCon. I love being busy, but I have to also remain sane. I hope that this summer ends with a bang and that I have some fantastic stories to tell!!

I hope that everyone's summers are going well and I'd love to hear some feedback from my readers!

Current song - E.T. - Katy Perry

first day back!

So I had my first day back at Disney today and....wow....it was a long day. 8 and a half hours on your feet after a semester of sitting in desk seats is a long time. It was good to see people that I had met before but I also had the chance to meet a LOT of new people that work with us. It was good to be back in the kingdom of magic, but oh goodness I am very tired. I got home at 2:45am and now I'm chilling for a few more minutes before I head to bed. I just wanted to let the world know that I have worked, been extremely tired, and now I am ready to work another day. After sleep. Sleep is good. Mmmmm good night world.

Current song - Wishes soundtrack

internal issues, cont.

I still have those issues, but you know what? I'll get through them because I want to be a normal healthy person. That's the goal. Changing subjects? Sure!

Today was a crazy day for me. I woke up at 4am hacking a lung out....ouch. I slept a little longer and woke up to attempt to study for theatre history. That didn't really work so I kinda chilled until 10:30am and got a ride to the theatre. I went to my stage management final and partied, vented, and had a good time. I stayed in that room until 5:15...from 1:30 til 4pm I was focused with my friends on theatre history and I feel like I did as well as I could have with my Dory brain. I still don't think I'm a good essay writer because I can't make arguments, but I hope that it went well. I'm hoping that I'll get a B in that class...my GPA would like me a little more.

Anyways, I felt freedom after that because now I'm done for a week and a half, and I cannot wait to get down to Florida!!! I went out to a mexican dinner and let me just say...I would much rather make my own daiquiris than pay $9.50 for one ever again. I'll have to invest in a blender. After mexican I went over to a friend's apartment and we watched Tangled. Me, 3 guys and 2 girls. None of the guys had seen it and since I was a wee bit intoxicated I was squealing like it was my first time watching it. I'm such a little kid, and I love it!! If a guy will ever be able to put up with that after a long period of time, that's a nice big step! But I'm not thinking in that direction. I like being myself and being free from boy troubles. They cause drama and I'm still sick of it.

Current song - I See the Light - Tangled soundtrack

i just can't stay away

Okay, here's the thing. I think I have internal issues.

I always think that I bother people. I don't start conversations or text first because I feel like a burden. I assume that I annoy the shit out of people and that unless they want to talk to me, I shouldn't talk first.

I also have some pretty bad abandonment and trust issues. I've been hurt too much and taken advantage of too often for me not to have these issues. Yes, I'm gullible and naïve, but I'm still a person and I don't like that people just assume that they can walk all over me. So if I don't open up very well or am defiant, it's because I'm scared to trust you. I'm scared that I'll be hurt again, and I'm trying to start looking out for myself more.

I'm probably being overdramatic again but it doesn't matter because that's how I really feel. I feel like a burden and like everyone is out to hurt me. The worst part is, I don't know how to change. I don't know how to get people to stop walking all over me and treating me like I'm nothing. I'm not okay with people dating me and then doing things with other girls behind my back. I'm not okay with talking to someone a lot for a few days and then not talking at all. Is this my fault? Do I build things up in my head too much? Probably.

But you know what? One day there will be a guy that wins my heart and treats me how I want to be treated. I'm a high-maintenance, scared girl who is outgoing with friends to cover up how shy I am on the inside.

There we go. Rant done.

Current song - Be Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata

now children, what have we learned? (BEDA Day 30)

It has been QUITE a month! The only reason that I'm not ready to let it go just yet is because I still have miles to go before I'm ready for my exams but all I can think about is how in less than a week I'll be back in paradise with awesome friends being who I want to be.

Yes, ladies and gents, if you couldn't tell...I don't like it here. And I get to play pretend for the most part. Orlando is my safe haven with friends that love me for who I really want to be. I am such an obsessed little girl about Disney and that's what I'm known as here in Auburn: the Disney freak. But in Orlando, most of us are obsessed and we love it. So I'm excited!

But seriously, this month of blogging every day has really helped me. I realized that I burdened people with my venting and now that I haven't had to vent as much to them, I've realized that: I love being single, I know who my real friends are, and I'm always making new friends. And those are some great feelings to have. :) What have you learned about me? That I'm a cranky bitch? That I complain about meaningless things? Well guess what. This is my blog and I get to do with it what I want. That's probably why I have so few followers but that's okay because I like this blog. It's pink, it's Disney, it's my outlet...it's me in a nutshell. :)

So goodbye April. I promise I'll be back more often now that I've learned what a valuable resource this blog is for me and come August, I'll be back every day to tell you all how amazing my summer was!

Current song - What the Hell - Avril Lavigne

procrastination + a lot on my mind = ...? (BEDA Day 29)

So I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am and what I want from life.

This is really hard for me because I have so many interests that it usually feels like I'll never find the one that's meant for me.

I don't know if you guys know this but there are a lot of reasons why I like Belle, and this one is a reason that I don't share very often. Belle knew that there was more out there than the tiny village she lived in. She was different and quirkier than anyone she knew, but it didn't feel quirky to her. She willingly gave her freedom to the freakiest beast and [what she would find to be as] prince. She not only put up with, but adapted to the strange way he did things and eventually tamed him. Somehow he ended up cherishing her and treating her like the princess she deserved to be. So the reason is, she is unlike any other princess because she fell for someone crazy/scary/unknown and made him her own.

Does this make sense to anyone? Because this is totally how I feel. As much as a "prince charming" is appealing to most girls, I don't feel like most girls. Yes, I'm a girly girl and love being spoiled, surprised, and doted upon but I also have a different side to me. I'm adventurous, try new things, and I enjoy adapted to others. I don't give up who I am but I always try new things to see if I like them. This quaint town of Auburn has it's appeal to some people: it's small, charming, and close to cities so that it can keep it's small town appeal. But on the other hand, it's a close-minded[for the most part], leech town that will trap you if you don't find a way out fast.

Here are some reasons that I'm different than a lot of people [and if you all can relate...well then I'm not different than you but I feel like it]
-I like big cities and want to live the crazy high life, but I also love going camping, sitting on the beach, lake, or mountains and roughing it.
-I love learning, but I hate school. [that's an easy one to guess/relate to]
-I hate being told what to do, and yet sometimes I'd rather someone command me to do something. [long story, it depends on my mood]
-I would adapt to almost anything for the man I fall in love with, but I still want to keep my likes/personality/flair and teach them to open their minds too.
-I could see myself being the ultimate wife, or I could totally be free as long as I get spoiled, supported, and get to live the life I want to live.

Now that I think about it, anyone reading this blog probably feels the same way about most of this, but you know what? In Auburn this isn't the case. Most of the girls just want to find a husband, have babies, and be the ultimate soccer mom. Now while I could totally do that, I choose not to. Yes, I want a husband one day. Kids will depend on our relationship. But no, I will not give in to the man all the time and lose my identity because I get married.

This post has jumped all over the place, but the point is....I have no idea what's in store for me and I don't care! I'm working through life, making choices, mistakes, and learning from all of it. No matter how much you can relate to this post, I am much more different than you can imagine. I barely scratched the surface into this subject and that's okay because I don't want to freak anyone out. I just want to get it out there that as much as I'm loving the single life right now, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find someone who can not only put up with me, but love me in spite of all of that. That thought only bothers me when I think about it for too long.

Current song - Ridin' Solo - Jason Derulo