Okay, here's the thing. I think I have internal issues.
I always think that I bother people. I don't start conversations or text first because I feel like a burden. I assume that I annoy the shit out of people and that unless they want to talk to me, I shouldn't talk first.
I also have some pretty bad abandonment and trust issues. I've been hurt too much and taken advantage of too often for me not to have these issues. Yes, I'm gullible and naïve, but I'm still a person and I don't like that people just assume that they can walk all over me. So if I don't open up very well or am defiant, it's because I'm scared to trust you. I'm scared that I'll be hurt again, and I'm trying to start looking out for myself more.
I'm probably being overdramatic again but it doesn't matter because that's how I really feel. I feel like a burden and like everyone is out to hurt me. The worst part is, I don't know how to change. I don't know how to get people to stop walking all over me and treating me like I'm nothing. I'm not okay with people dating me and then doing things with other girls behind my back. I'm not okay with talking to someone a lot for a few days and then not talking at all. Is this my fault? Do I build things up in my head too much? Probably.
But you know what? One day there will be a guy that wins my heart and treats me how I want to be treated. I'm a high-maintenance, scared girl who is outgoing with friends to cover up how shy I am on the inside.
There we go. Rant done.
Current song - Be Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata
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