too much

This is something that I keep realizing about myself:

I'm too open. I am too carefree. I let people in without even thinking twice. I trust too easily. All of these things mean one thing in the long run, I will never stop getting hurt. By letting anyone and everyone get to know about me, I'm setting myself up for disaster.

Another problem that I have is that I talk too much. When someone says, "hi" all that's needed is a hello back. Not a story about my life or a question about what they think. I jump in to things too quickly, and in the meantime, I allow other people to learn just enough about me to take me for granted. People use me, hurt me, and walk away laughing. I'm never the one left whole. I'm always the one left hurting, because I'm always the one that puts my whole heart in to things.

Being left alone leaves me broken. I get smashed in to a million pieces and get left in ruins until I can barely pick myself back up again and start to rebuild, and I have no idea of how to change. The more guarded I try to be, the less I like myself. I don't want to hide, I want to live. I want people to know who I am and what I like. The thing is, I just don't think people care. They care to an extent, sure, but when I think about it I know that I'm the only one who cares if I feel fat one day, or if my clothes match, or even if I have a smile on my face. I'm the only one who really cares about me, and I just wish that one other person would like me enough to get to know me.

Until then, I have a labyrinth to rebuild. To protect me, to hide me, and to keep me away from the hurt. The only problem is, I'm left alone with only my thoughts...and my thoughts are memories. Memories that haunt me.