wow...

First time I will have cried myself to sleep in a long time....wow...

here's my determination face!

I just got done watching Kristina's newest video about her passions and when she talked about writing it really made me want to write a quick blog. Now while writing isn't one of my big passions, it is something I enjoy doing and blogging has become a great place for me to let out whatever I'm feeling.

I've been pretty sick for the past while, an infection on the left side of my tonsils, but I am now on the mend and making sure to take care of myself as much as I can so that I don't have to miss any [more] school and so I can have fun outside of classes. I have also decided that this week I will get a lot of schoolwork, theatre work, and personal work done so that I can feel like I'm on top of things again! I have lots of plans outside of homework, so I want to be free to do that without the burden of that homework hanging over my head. My plans are this: have a sound learning tutorial at the theatre this week, put together my Disney puzzles, frame them, and hang them. I also want to make my first Disney vlog for the summer and work on that, probably on a second youtube channel. I really want to focus on this idea because eventually I want to vlog a lot more and be able to make this more of a hobby. I have felt that ever since the follow the butterflies channel stopped happening, I haven't done anything on youtube, and it would be great to get back in the game about that.

So that's a quick update on my life. I'm going to work on going over some notes and reading Beowulf for classes so I can watch a Disney movie and work on puzzles tonight!!!!

Current song - Teenage Dream - Glee soundtrack

summer classes suck, amongst other things

Summer classes, as mentioned in the title, really suck. If you miss one day you're really screwed because a lot of the classes are from the lecture and on top of that there is a bunch of reading. I'm not okay with this because I think I'm getting sick and I cannot miss another day.

I also have some severe back pain that kept me awake from 1am-4. It hurts really bad and I wish it would all just go away. I've made a chiropractor appointment for that. For the sickly feelings, I'm thinking about going to either the med clinic or urgent care soon just because I cannot afford to be sick at all right now. I really need to do well in school and being sick is not only putting a toll on my body, but my mind won't allow me to think either. *sigh* Can it be July yet??

The Tear Heals - 'Tangled' soundtrack

it's definitely about time...

Hi folks!

I missed blogging and although it's been a crazy couple of weeks, I'm here! As you saw, I went down to Orlando and had some crazy good times with my friend Brianna. She was my college program roommate [this might have already been explained in another blog, but I'm Dory so I will explain again!] back in 2009 and I hadn't visited her in 2 years so I stayed with her and her roomies in Ocoee while I worked and played at the parks! She had recently started talking to this guy Josh [he is a really fun guy and they're officially dating now which I am super excited about!] and one day when the three of us were hanging out they told me I needed to meet Josh's roommate. Now, I don't know if any of you remember this, but I have been VERY anti-boys for the past few months and that idea was not changing.

So the vacation went on and I was staying at a Disney resort with Bri and her family, Josh was over schmoozing Rick, Bri's dad, when this guy introduces himself as Benton, Josh's roommate. The two of us start talking and getting to know each other....and kind of haven't stopped talking ever since. *blushes* He is a really sweet guy and although we're still getting to know each other I REALLY like what I've learned so far. I guess more details about it later just because I have this huge silly grin on my face now and I should probably change subjects!!!

Summer classes have started and I am already overloaded with schoolwork, but I am very excited to get two more classes out of my way so I can finish college and move down to Orlando soon!!! In July I'll be busy every weekend with friends visiting or LeakyCon. I love being busy, but I have to also remain sane. I hope that this summer ends with a bang and that I have some fantastic stories to tell!!

I hope that everyone's summers are going well and I'd love to hear some feedback from my readers!

Current song - E.T. - Katy Perry

first day back!

So I had my first day back at Disney today and....wow....it was a long day. 8 and a half hours on your feet after a semester of sitting in desk seats is a long time. It was good to see people that I had met before but I also had the chance to meet a LOT of new people that work with us. It was good to be back in the kingdom of magic, but oh goodness I am very tired. I got home at 2:45am and now I'm chilling for a few more minutes before I head to bed. I just wanted to let the world know that I have worked, been extremely tired, and now I am ready to work another day. After sleep. Sleep is good. Mmmmm good night world.

Current song - Wishes soundtrack

internal issues, cont.

I still have those issues, but you know what? I'll get through them because I want to be a normal healthy person. That's the goal. Changing subjects? Sure!

Today was a crazy day for me. I woke up at 4am hacking a lung out....ouch. I slept a little longer and woke up to attempt to study for theatre history. That didn't really work so I kinda chilled until 10:30am and got a ride to the theatre. I went to my stage management final and partied, vented, and had a good time. I stayed in that room until 5:15...from 1:30 til 4pm I was focused with my friends on theatre history and I feel like I did as well as I could have with my Dory brain. I still don't think I'm a good essay writer because I can't make arguments, but I hope that it went well. I'm hoping that I'll get a B in that class...my GPA would like me a little more.

Anyways, I felt freedom after that because now I'm done for a week and a half, and I cannot wait to get down to Florida!!! I went out to a mexican dinner and let me just say...I would much rather make my own daiquiris than pay $9.50 for one ever again. I'll have to invest in a blender. After mexican I went over to a friend's apartment and we watched Tangled. Me, 3 guys and 2 girls. None of the guys had seen it and since I was a wee bit intoxicated I was squealing like it was my first time watching it. I'm such a little kid, and I love it!! If a guy will ever be able to put up with that after a long period of time, that's a nice big step! But I'm not thinking in that direction. I like being myself and being free from boy troubles. They cause drama and I'm still sick of it.

Current song - I See the Light - Tangled soundtrack

i just can't stay away

Okay, here's the thing. I think I have internal issues.

I always think that I bother people. I don't start conversations or text first because I feel like a burden. I assume that I annoy the shit out of people and that unless they want to talk to me, I shouldn't talk first.

I also have some pretty bad abandonment and trust issues. I've been hurt too much and taken advantage of too often for me not to have these issues. Yes, I'm gullible and naïve, but I'm still a person and I don't like that people just assume that they can walk all over me. So if I don't open up very well or am defiant, it's because I'm scared to trust you. I'm scared that I'll be hurt again, and I'm trying to start looking out for myself more.

I'm probably being overdramatic again but it doesn't matter because that's how I really feel. I feel like a burden and like everyone is out to hurt me. The worst part is, I don't know how to change. I don't know how to get people to stop walking all over me and treating me like I'm nothing. I'm not okay with people dating me and then doing things with other girls behind my back. I'm not okay with talking to someone a lot for a few days and then not talking at all. Is this my fault? Do I build things up in my head too much? Probably.

But you know what? One day there will be a guy that wins my heart and treats me how I want to be treated. I'm a high-maintenance, scared girl who is outgoing with friends to cover up how shy I am on the inside.

There we go. Rant done.

Current song - Be Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata