It has gotten to the point of this tech week where my favorite motto comes in VERY handy: fake it til you make it. This motto has helped me through a semester of working at Disney, being a camp counselor for a summer with little girls running wild all over the place, starting my stage management work in the theatre, and many more. So we're getting to the point of the show process where I want to rip my hair out and I have no sleep or time to work.
The good part about that is I am completely done with my SM assignments. I only have one assignment left for theatre history and biology only has the final left. I hope that everything ends well because I'd like to keep my scholarship and I enjoy doing well in school.
I hope that you all are having lovely weeks and that you're not getting bored with my annoying blog posts.
Current song: Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
time to open up and let it go (BEDA Day 19)
Okay readers, if you do NOT want to read an angsty, emo, depressed post then stop right now. I have no energy to put this into positive words. Here it goes:
I feel like you're doing this to torture me. You're dangling what I want right in front of my face. Smiling, giggling, and plotting to hurt me. Well you win...it hurts more than you think. You've made it so that I'm longing to get out of everything and leave one of the things I love the most behind, that's how bad it hurts. I've tried so hard to avoid drama and petty arguments and issues...but you keep me in that world. Are you happy? Do you like making me feel worthless, useless, and exhausted. I can't kiss ass anymore. I can't smile at you when I want to cry.
Okay, you're different. I've loved hanging out with you for the longest time. But now...all I hear is how much it's about you. How your problems have to equate to mine. How you feel EXACTLY how I feel. Maybe I'm being a little kid about it, but you don't understand, you haven't been through the same thing, and you aren't like me. As much as we're similar, we're also different. So right now, I just need my space. I love you, but I need to sit back, learn how to deal with my situation, and come back to you when I'm ready. Because right now, I'm just not and I don't want you to get hurt because of other issues in my life.
I guess that's all I had to say to the world today. I really want to get back into a dance studio and choreograph again. There are a few songs I've always wanted to work with and I usually get a burst of creativity before it dies down again. I need my outlet back. Sorry that this was so angsty and boring. I'll stop being a 7 year old with baby problems now.
Current song - Be Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata
I feel like you're doing this to torture me. You're dangling what I want right in front of my face. Smiling, giggling, and plotting to hurt me. Well you win...it hurts more than you think. You've made it so that I'm longing to get out of everything and leave one of the things I love the most behind, that's how bad it hurts. I've tried so hard to avoid drama and petty arguments and issues...but you keep me in that world. Are you happy? Do you like making me feel worthless, useless, and exhausted. I can't kiss ass anymore. I can't smile at you when I want to cry.
Okay, you're different. I've loved hanging out with you for the longest time. But now...all I hear is how much it's about you. How your problems have to equate to mine. How you feel EXACTLY how I feel. Maybe I'm being a little kid about it, but you don't understand, you haven't been through the same thing, and you aren't like me. As much as we're similar, we're also different. So right now, I just need my space. I love you, but I need to sit back, learn how to deal with my situation, and come back to you when I'm ready. Because right now, I'm just not and I don't want you to get hurt because of other issues in my life.
I guess that's all I had to say to the world today. I really want to get back into a dance studio and choreograph again. There are a few songs I've always wanted to work with and I usually get a burst of creativity before it dies down again. I need my outlet back. Sorry that this was so angsty and boring. I'll stop being a 7 year old with baby problems now.
Current song - Be Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata
Monday, April 18, 2011
why does no one comment? (BEDA Day 18)
Well hi everyone! Oh wait...MAYBE two people read this. *sigh* I'm not feeling the love, guys. I'm just not.
Mondays usually bring me down just because it's after my three day weekends and I don't like school at all, but you know what? I made myself suck it up and NOT get über depressed today! Besides, my voice teacher always makes me feel better because she lets me vent about life and gives me the confidence to finish my lesson. She is effing amazing!
I'm loving how I get to keep making friends and strengthening the friendships that I already have. I really think that the girls I hung out with this weekend [Nancy, AnnaClaire, and Mallory] are some girls that I want to become closer to and keep in my close circle for life. They are genuinely amazing and would never do anything behind my back to hurt me or pull me down. I really want to be more like them because they are showing me the kind of person that I admire.
I hope that you all have a MAGICAL week and that you enjoyed my hella short post last night from Frances' iphone because it was much harder than you thought! I think I have internet back though! [I'm at dance rehearsal so I don't really know yet, but I think we do!]
I'll be at dance rehearsal all week in prep for the show this weekend!
Current song - Gravity - Sara Bareilles [Shanna is singing it down the hall for one of the dance pieces]
Mondays usually bring me down just because it's after my three day weekends and I don't like school at all, but you know what? I made myself suck it up and NOT get über depressed today! Besides, my voice teacher always makes me feel better because she lets me vent about life and gives me the confidence to finish my lesson. She is effing amazing!
I'm loving how I get to keep making friends and strengthening the friendships that I already have. I really think that the girls I hung out with this weekend [Nancy, AnnaClaire, and Mallory] are some girls that I want to become closer to and keep in my close circle for life. They are genuinely amazing and would never do anything behind my back to hurt me or pull me down. I really want to be more like them because they are showing me the kind of person that I admire.
I hope that you all have a MAGICAL week and that you enjoyed my hella short post last night from Frances' iphone because it was much harder than you thought! I think I have internet back though! [I'm at dance rehearsal so I don't really know yet, but I think we do!]
I'll be at dance rehearsal all week in prep for the show this weekend!
Current song - Gravity - Sara Bareilles [Shanna is singing it down the hall for one of the dance pieces]
Sunday, April 17, 2011
BEDA Day 17
So I'm writing this on Frances' iPhone because our Internet has been jank ever since the big storms a couple of weeks ago. I HATE it when the Internet isn't working because it's way harder to type on this phone! I hate to say it but this will be a very short blog post and I'll be more on top of it this week. Today I went to my friends' wedding shower and it makes me sooooo happy to see a couple work so well and knowing that they will be together forever. They're perfect together and I'm proud to call them my friends. I can't wait for their wedding in July!
Current song - I see the light - tangled soundtrack
Current song - I see the light - tangled soundtrack
Saturday, April 16, 2011
way busier than i expected!! (BEDA Day 16)
Wow I really don't know where this day went! I woke up at 7 to get ready for ushering and seeing the last performance of Hamlet, I took Madeleine and the puppy on some adventures, I took an hour nap, I helped my brother with his prom pictures, I ate dinner with my family and Mallory, and then we picked up Helen and Nancy and headed back to Mallory's for some Disney movie action. Really...I don't know where the day went.
Let me just say though, that out of all those things, really?! MY BROTHER IS A SENIOR! He's about to graduate!!! I feel so old!!!!!!!!! Why is everyone growing up so much? I just wanna have fun and have a summer without worrying about being old. Ewwwww.
But seriously, Mallory, Nancy, Helen, and I had an awesome time. We all really just wanted to chill and so we went and got some drank before going to watch Princess and the Frog and venting about our pet peeves lately and how we feel about everything. Mallory gets to leave it all so she basically just listened to us whine while being the lucky one who gets to leave! But we've decided that living in a house in Orlando together would be amazing and then we could all work at Disney together and live happily ever after!
So basically today was not bad because nothing traumatic happened and I didn't have to think about drama all day. We got to vent about it later, but it wasn't bad. And we all had an awesome time! I hope that I get to spend a TON of time with these girls before the summer starts!!!
Current song - I'm Almost There - Princess and the Frog soundtrack
Let me just say though, that out of all those things, really?! MY BROTHER IS A SENIOR! He's about to graduate!!! I feel so old!!!!!!!!! Why is everyone growing up so much? I just wanna have fun and have a summer without worrying about being old. Ewwwww.
But seriously, Mallory, Nancy, Helen, and I had an awesome time. We all really just wanted to chill and so we went and got some drank before going to watch Princess and the Frog and venting about our pet peeves lately and how we feel about everything. Mallory gets to leave it all so she basically just listened to us whine while being the lucky one who gets to leave! But we've decided that living in a house in Orlando together would be amazing and then we could all work at Disney together and live happily ever after!
So basically today was not bad because nothing traumatic happened and I didn't have to think about drama all day. We got to vent about it later, but it wasn't bad. And we all had an awesome time! I hope that I get to spend a TON of time with these girls before the summer starts!!!
Current song - I'm Almost There - Princess and the Frog soundtrack
Friday, April 15, 2011
why always me? (BEDA Day 15)
So...um....this day has sucked!!!
Before I get in to that though I would like to tell you how AMAZING last night was! I didn't have the best end to my school day starting with lab and ending with biology class. I just didn't have a good day and I don't know why. People have been bringing me down whether it be intentional or not and it just isn't making me happy lately.
Anyways so last night Anna Claire, Nancy and I went over to watch Mamma Mia and have some drank. It ended up being really REALLY fun just because it was a judge-free zone and we are crazy together. I ended up having some yummy drank and getting home to cuddle in my nice bigger bed.
This day was okay, but really....it wasn't. I just got the worst feelings, the worst attitude given to me, and I just can't handle it anymore. I don't like feeling like I'm worthless and that's all I'm being given. I just am getting negativity all around me and I feel like everyone is a high schooler again. I'm determined to surround myself with only people that make me feel safe and decent. *sigh*
Current song - True Love's Kiss - Enchanted soundtrack
Before I get in to that though I would like to tell you how AMAZING last night was! I didn't have the best end to my school day starting with lab and ending with biology class. I just didn't have a good day and I don't know why. People have been bringing me down whether it be intentional or not and it just isn't making me happy lately.
Anyways so last night Anna Claire, Nancy and I went over to watch Mamma Mia and have some drank. It ended up being really REALLY fun just because it was a judge-free zone and we are crazy together. I ended up having some yummy drank and getting home to cuddle in my nice bigger bed.
This day was okay, but really....it wasn't. I just got the worst feelings, the worst attitude given to me, and I just can't handle it anymore. I don't like feeling like I'm worthless and that's all I'm being given. I just am getting negativity all around me and I feel like everyone is a high schooler again. I'm determined to surround myself with only people that make me feel safe and decent. *sigh*
Current song - True Love's Kiss - Enchanted soundtrack
Thursday, April 14, 2011
lots of reunions!! (BEDA Day 14)
Well here I go! We're back to Disney today with a list of what exactly I get to do this summer!!
Not only am I already DYING to be back in Florida, but more and more reasons keep popping up of why I should be there all the time!! Let's start with the most logical reasons:
-I need to work. I need to save some of that money in the bank so I can have funds to move after college, keep paying for HP conferences and annual passes, and make sure that I survive through college.
-I need the experience with the company even more. With the end of college coming closer, I need to start making my mark with the Disney company so that I have somewhere to move on after I graduate.
-I have some meetings set up with stage managers in the Entertainment area to get an idea of what they do and how I can get there. I have more opportunities to learn from them than I do just SM-ing here at Auburn.
Here are some not so logical reasons of why I need to be in Florida ASAP:
-I miss it! Walt Disney World is my paradise [and Disneyland was wonderful too] and I need more of it so that I can be happy!
-I get to see literally EVERYONE this summer! Some friends just graduating [Mallory Porter will be there], some old friends from my program [my best friend, Brogan, Bethany, Melonie, Brianna, etc], and even some people I've just met throughout my time there [Ashley Bekerman, Pat, and more!] and the list just keeps expanding! I cannot WAIT to be back with people that will do anything and go anywhere with me! I want to experience this summer the way that a 21 year old Disney lover is supposed to experience it!
-I need to get out of Auburn. If I could feasibly do what I wanted, I'd be doing another college program and getting as far away from here as I possibly can. The prospect of getting through this last year and a half as just a Seasonal Cast Member is becoming less of an ideal situation and more of a hindrance on my spot in the company. I want to learn new things, meet new people, and try to get closer to my goal with the company.
Basically, these last few weeks are killing me, then I get a week of paradise, then back to hell for 5 weeks, then to paradise for another 5 or 6...someone save me! I just want to move down there now!!
I hope that this post was Disney enough for everyone and if you have any questions you'd like me to answer about my time at Disney just let me know!
Current song - Born This Way - Sam Tsui cover of Lady Gaga
Not only am I already DYING to be back in Florida, but more and more reasons keep popping up of why I should be there all the time!! Let's start with the most logical reasons:
-I need to work. I need to save some of that money in the bank so I can have funds to move after college, keep paying for HP conferences and annual passes, and make sure that I survive through college.
-I need the experience with the company even more. With the end of college coming closer, I need to start making my mark with the Disney company so that I have somewhere to move on after I graduate.
-I have some meetings set up with stage managers in the Entertainment area to get an idea of what they do and how I can get there. I have more opportunities to learn from them than I do just SM-ing here at Auburn.
Here are some not so logical reasons of why I need to be in Florida ASAP:
-I miss it! Walt Disney World is my paradise [and Disneyland was wonderful too] and I need more of it so that I can be happy!
-I get to see literally EVERYONE this summer! Some friends just graduating [Mallory Porter will be there], some old friends from my program [my best friend, Brogan, Bethany, Melonie, Brianna, etc], and even some people I've just met throughout my time there [Ashley Bekerman, Pat, and more!] and the list just keeps expanding! I cannot WAIT to be back with people that will do anything and go anywhere with me! I want to experience this summer the way that a 21 year old Disney lover is supposed to experience it!
-I need to get out of Auburn. If I could feasibly do what I wanted, I'd be doing another college program and getting as far away from here as I possibly can. The prospect of getting through this last year and a half as just a Seasonal Cast Member is becoming less of an ideal situation and more of a hindrance on my spot in the company. I want to learn new things, meet new people, and try to get closer to my goal with the company.
Basically, these last few weeks are killing me, then I get a week of paradise, then back to hell for 5 weeks, then to paradise for another 5 or 6...someone save me! I just want to move down there now!!
I hope that this post was Disney enough for everyone and if you have any questions you'd like me to answer about my time at Disney just let me know!
Current song - Born This Way - Sam Tsui cover of Lady Gaga
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